Freed

This was your first attempt? I had to burn my first poem it was so terrible. So you've definitely got something going for you. I would have to disagree with the other reviewers, mostly because I hate poetry with patterns, or rather, I'm more appreciate of poetry that doesn't have a pattern and catches me off-guard. Spontaneous and unexpected are my favorite. Also, normally repetition doesn't work for me, but in this case it did. However, I will say it made the poem a little less dark and a little more entertaining then anything else.

You're last rhyme in the second stanza seemed forced. But I loved the first four lines and don't think you need a rhyme at all, or maybe just something other than "all the more."

I also really liked the last stanza, I think it's beautiful, but I wasn't fond of the two lines
"His wish of Joy, has come
An angel is here to claim him." They seemed kind of rough compared to everything else. For me, just the little fixes like

"His wish of joy has come" and "The angel's here to claim him." Make it flow just a bit better.

My first thought, really though, was why do you only have two poems on this site? I also just wanted to let you know that not everyone feels the same way about your poem, since I really, really, liked it.

I agree with the last review about the thought provocative nature of the poem. different people might interpret it differently, sometimes to the surprise of the author.

For me, the man is someone who is lonely, left out, misunderstood, trying to find a common ground with someone and in the end he was relieved of his sufferings by a person who relates with his thoughts.

And a lil bit to add, the numerous repetitions of "In the darkness" in the first stanza didn't go well with me.

Otherwise, the whole thing was wonderfully done. Keep going.

Hi there, Lycando.

Alright. Here to review.

Firstly, I must say that the subject you're bringing us is thought provocative, because you never actually say what is really happening. It is free to have different interpretations and that is lovely. To me, this poem is about a man who was awfully sick and was suffering, hoping he'd die to get rid of his body.

I can't say the way you left it is excellent,
but I can't say it is bad.
One thing I can say, though,
is that you're on the right path.

0_0 Why am I writing a poetic review!? *cough* Okay, down to earth. Like I was saying, this is not bad at all for a beginner. But for a poem to be catchy and likable, it has to flow; as a poet and reviewer, it is my duty to inform you that it takes some fun editing. That isn't a hard thing to do, though; you just have change, mend, and switch. I'll just show you, so you can know what I am talking about.

In the darkness
A man sits
In the darkness
He contemplates
In the darkness
He wishes to see
And so the night shall pass

He cries, for he is alone
He screams, but words are silent
His mind is torn, his heart broken
Pain at his core
He endures all the more

It's my first attempt at any sort of poetry so please understand if it may be poorly done!

Okay, I'll be honest. This wasn't great. The imagery worked really well and the theme of recovery/rescue is well described, but the rhythm isn't particularly good. The constant changing of rhyme schemes and syllable counts made the piece harder to follow, so next time when you write try and read the poem as you go along, it really helps when you want to have a specific beat.
Your use of verbs were interesting, and fitted the theme and mood very well, but to increase the feelings in the action try using adverbs like 'elegantly', but don't stretch this if you have a rhythm in mind. By the looks of it I think you could extend your vocabulary to describe your themes even further.

This was an okay first piece, but I think you could improve a lot. If you submit another poem, feel free to message me and I'll pop in for a review

Regards
DNX