Published October 4, 2012
Prelude:
I’m known and loved; feared and hated; I’m praised in revolution and cursed in war. My life is not a life, but an existence within a whole new concept undistinguishable to mankind (or any kind, for that matter); it is that thin infinitesimal seam, that layer, between life and death; that tunnel of which you pass through when you leave Earth and venture to the Great Beyond. It is a place where I do not need to breath yet I still have lungs; where my heart need not beat yet it claims subsistence within my chest.
This is my existence.
My purpose, however, is far greater. For it leads you to your demise.
Perhaps that is a little melodramatic—I don’t really lead you to your demise, rather, I lead you after you have perished. But as comes naturally to humans, they have also twisted my meaning, purpose, and image.
I do not walk tall in a black cloak and scythe, I do not come creeping along shadows at night, and most importantly: I do not enjoy carnage.
What I do does not give me pleasure or energy; it does not sustain me. As I have subtly pointed out, my existence and purpose are two separate entities, and should be treated as such. I exist because I was created for a purpose, because all things must succumb to the Great Beyond, but my purpose was also borne of my existence. For if I ceased existence, would not my purpose also desist?
I contemplate this incessantly, I hint at it by whispering softly in humankinds’ ear, yet they still misunderstand me.
I can take on many, many shapes and forms, whether it is animal or human matters not; I do not need to assist each and every peril, for my purpose guides each happening along the tunnel of my existence without my individual help. The only ones I visit myself are the ones I witness; the ones I am near. I walk among you as someone observing an alien species—billions of years have passed and yet I still trouble fathoming you.
I go by many names, but there are only two that matter to me: the one I was borne into and the version of it I use.
You can use the latter.
Call me Mara.
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137,476 Literary Works • 672,034 Reviews
Hey Kerza! Auxiira here to review.
I love this! Having just read the last book in "The Immortal Nicholas Flamel Series", I totally love the character of Merethyu!
Using a semi-colon isn't very conventional, nor is using brackets, maybe try to change that a little.
Otherwise I really love this. It's like a hot donut in the middle of winter. Warming.
Keep on writing!
Auxiira!
WOW! this is really cool! I just wanted to say that before getting on to the critique, so...
I'm not sure(I should probably look it up), but when writing a book I do not think you use parentheses. I have nothing to back up that claim, it comes from simple observation. Most of the time when I'm reading and I see some where that, to me, looks like there should be parentheses I see a simple dash(like this -) instead. Actually writing this I'm starting to doubt it myself, I just wanted to let you now the possibility of it.
And in the part where Mara is talking about not needing to breath a such, you wrote "where my heart need not beat yet it claims subsistence within my chest" it sounds like there should be a comma between "beat" and "yet."
At the end the way you wrote "You can use the latter. Call me Mara." sounds a little(what would be the right word?) static(maybe?), and stiff. I think it would sound more realistic if it was something along the lines of "You may call me via the latter, Mara." or something like that.
Thats all I really saw, I hope it helps. And good job! I can't wait to see more!!