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Young Writers Society



All Thanks to You

by TheClosetKidnapper


It's days like today I remember
what I was purposed to do.
It's days like today I remember
why I stopped liking you
as a friend, as a collegue, as
one to confide into.
It's days like today I remember
why I said I'm through.

It's nights like this I remember
that the stars only shine so bright.
It's nights like this I remember
why I dread the morning light
as my eyes open,
my heart knows.
It's nights like this I remember
I am nothing but a ghost. 

It's weeks like these I remember
that mortality reigns true.
It's weeks like these I remember
the sky's never been so blue
as clouds pass,
as clouds go.
It's weeks like these I remember
why I left myself alone. 

It's months like these I remember
what happened way back when.
It's months like these I remember
that I hated who I've been
as Matt Theissan says,
as the band plays.
It's months like these I remember
I'm buried in my shame.

Through the times of remembrace,
I will promise you one thing.
Despite my personal feelings,
I swear I will never bring
up my hurt 
or up my pain,
'cause i'd rather suffer
than play that game,
all thanks to you.

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User avatar
65 Reviews

Points: 607
Reviews: 65

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Sat Jul 19, 2014 3:07 am
wtppowers wrote a review...



Hey, ClosestKidnapper! It's Mr. Powers here, with another fun and exciting review! Today, I'm gonna look at your two year old and long forgotten poem, "All Thanks To You".

I know it's weird, getting a review 2 years after it was written, but I found this because of an old Squills thing, so... here I go.

Stanza 1: You're obviously thinking about a former friend (or significant other) on this specific day. Whatever happened to you on this day made you think of this person.

Stanza 2: I'm a bit confused here. Now it's night? Anywho, it seems... oh forget it. I'm not going to sit here and go over every stanza.

This poem you wrote here is a beautiful piece of work. It's powerful and emotionally charged. Your use of rather large words is... poetic. It may seem confusing to some, but it brings out something for the world to see.

In the end, this gets a favorable review from me. A very favorable review. I read some of your other stuff, and it's great. Too bad you haven't really written anything in a long time. Please, come back and write some more. I'll bet that you'll be very popular now.

Sincerely,

wtppowers




User avatar
98 Reviews

Points: 273
Reviews: 98

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Fri Sep 21, 2012 11:15 pm
Rainn wrote a review...



I really felt a good and strong emotion emitting from the first stanza. You have a really, really good idea here. Your wording and rhyming a superb.
A few things I noticed:

It's nights like this I remember
that the stars only shine so bright.
It's nights like this I remember
why I dread the morning light
as my eyes open,
my heart knows.
It's nights like this I remember
I am nothing but a ghost.


The section
"as my eyes open,
my heart knows"
really disrupts the flow of emotion you have going. It is like this with all but the first stanza. I think you should stick with the same pattern as the first stanza, instead of changing. I find it really breaks the feeling.

Now, usually, I do not read love/breakup poems. Not really that kinda gal. But, after I read the first stanza, you had me hooked. I really felt what you where portraying here. I applaud you.

Great work!

~Rainn





Every generation laughs at the old fashions, but follows religiously the new.
— Henry David Thoreau