Published August 27, 2012
We see that creature often, the one who stole him from us. It’s always there, spying, watching. Just another fallen hero changed by this cursed Initiation. The very look in its petrifying eyes always makes me want to turn into stone. Everyone I know is weakened by its golden-dandelion colored glare, except Tharseo, the friend of the Cantiko, who is now dead. They killed him, just like they killed the rest of those I love or forced them away, maybe forever.
My fingers creep over to the katana lying beside me, its once shiny blade reflecting the greyness of the sky. Around its scratched, well-worn guard is a simple tie of a twisted, frayed golden string. This small twist was my gift from Uzuri, when she was alive and she tried to save me. Yet, she has been killed by one of those vile creatures, too, not Tharseo’s demon Cantiko, but a monster all the same.
The Cantikos are definitely roadblocks in our path to prove our names. Still, they are not our biggest problem. Our biggest problem is surviving the Initiation itself, keeping ourselves safe from exposure and getting enough food to sustain us as the days fly by. We wouldn’t need to worry about any of these if only we were to get out of this mess. The question is, would killing this Cantiko be enough proof to free us all? And if we get out of here, will we ever really be free?
5 YEARS EARLIER…
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137,426 Literary Works • 672,015 Reviews
Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm Knight Hardy here on a mission to ensure that all works on YWS has at least two reviews. You will probably never see this but....Imma do this anyway.
First Impression: Okayy...so this was a pretty intriguing piece here...there's a lot of things here that make you think quite a bit as a reader and that's usually a pretty good way to get a person wanting to read more, so this is quite effective here.
Anyway let's get right to it,
Well....that's a very intriguing start right there, it looks like we've got ourselves a description of what appears to be a very dire situation. I love how you go straight into the specifics of this world without over explaining it, it seems like there's quite a decent bit of worldbuilding happening behind this one. And well, the situation that's been described definitely catches your attention and makes you want to know what's going on here...and who we're meant to be supporting.
Well...this is definitely another really interesting detail right there...that's a pretty neat description for that weapon, and we also get to see how its quite worn out suggesting this battle is something that has been going on for quite a while here...not to mention we're getting yet more descriptions of people that have been lost...at this rate it looks like our pov character here has lost practically everyone they care about.
Okay...so this introduces another bit of complication into things I see...it is hard to say exactly what's going on because we don't quite know what this new situation indicates. Now it looks like this person is with a group of folks that are somehow imprisoned or oppressed by this other group for some reason and they're attempting to just fight their way out of that. It does make for an interesting ending here too...especially with those questions at the very end.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, this piece looks like it might need a touch of streamlining to make some of these ideas a bit clearer but for the most part I'd say this performs its function as the start to a novel pretty darn well here.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Okay, hey there amv. Perhaps you may not return to YWS, so you may not see this, nevertheless, if you do see it, here's my review.
I feel like you accidentally didn't post the entire thing? It's very short, yet it's labeled under Novel, Chapter. The '5 YEARS EARLIER' isn't exactly a suspenseful end, either, which reinforces my opinion of an accidental half-posting.
As things stand, I'm not quite sure what's going on. A group of people need to survive a dark and dangerous process known as the Initiation, and battle...? Creatures? A demon named Cantiko? I'm not exactly sure. You, if you ever see this anyways, should definitely bulk things out. There's not a lot of description going on here either, not a lot of emotion, it's pretty blank.
I feel bad for reviewing this, almost a necroposter/reviewer. But ehh.
Hope this helped
~Ita