This is not completed, but it is worked on. Rate and review please. 18+ contains strong violence and swearing,
"Guys. This is your last chance to change things around!" Captain Johnson did not look afraid at all. He was the only one in the public plaza who wasn't. All of the 24 people, including me, were shivering like trees in the autumn. There were almost no marines left, so all other survivors had to join.
"These creatures can beat you up in a second if you don't sharpen up. Most people are already dead. That is why you all have to fight, including civilians. Follow your instincts. Always shoot one last shot. You never know if they will rise again. And they feel no pa... Fred?! What are you do..." He was interrupted by a gunshot. Fred, a 21 year old recruit was lying dead on the floor with a bloody gun in his hand. The shell was still releasing smoke. This created chaos, and it disturbed our already scared minds.
"FRED!" I could hear someone scream. It was his girlfriend, Octavia. Her eyes was full of tears as she leaned over the lifeless body.
"FRED! How could you! How could you!" She cried hard. Everyone waited in silence. We did not move, nor did we speak. He was not the first one to commit suicide, and we knew Octavia could take it.
Ten minutes later, we were all standing. Fully equipped. Ready for battle. 23 marines ready to fight until death. Or. As long as that would last. Everyone would eventually rise, and we would have to shoot them. I held my rifle high, already prepared for an assault.
"Marines. Don't die today! Not only do we fight for humanity, but we fight for our own lives! Move out!"
We split up into five teams with three soldiers, and two teams with four. I was in one of the groups with four. Lucky me. It was me, Octavia, a woman named Annabel, and Chris. Annabel was just an ordinary woman recruited by force, and Chris had been my partner for years. Five years to be exact. And Octavia. She was a natural killer. She could shoot an olive 2000 meters away. Well me. My name is Bradley. I'm just an ordinary marine. I shoot because I'm told too.
Our mission was to clear out the hospital in sector five. These monsters had to be there for sure, and we needed the hospital's lab reports for research. So here we stood. Four marines, ready to sacrifice ourselves for humanity. Ironic really. Fight for humanity, and we would maybe note be able to fight for ourselves. I kicked open the door.
Inside, was the most horiffic scene I ever laid eyes on. Dead people and severed bodyparts everywhere. It was a mess. Annabel puked a good lot once she saw it. I felt pretty bad too. We moved onwards into the room. There was blood splattered all over the four rows of benches that was clinched up against the walls. Two of the ceiling lamps were blinking, and the rest was crushed or lying on the floor. A dead nurse was lying on one of the two reseption disks in the far end of the room. Her arm was lying dead on the floor beneath her. I and Chris exchanged glances, and walked up to the dead nurse. The nurses mouth was ripped open, and on the other end of her head there was a big hole. Someone, or more like something, had pierced her mouth and through the head.
"Damn. What did we sign up for," Chris moaned.
"Something way out of our league, that's for sure," Annabel whined and poked at a dead security guard. I nodded, and pointed at the door to the eastern wing.
"Should we check for any survivors, or is that just meaningless?" I looked at Octavia.
"If we find any survivors, we will take care of them. But that is just a wish that won't be neccesary to hope for. It looks pretty darn dead to me." Octavia did not look afraid, but I was sure she was just as freaked out as everyone else. I consented, and walked against the eastern wing. I could not shake off the feeling that there were survivors in here.
I slowly lirked up the door, but to my relief there were no signs of life in here. Don't take me wrong. I wanted survivors, but in a room like this there would only be enemies. This room was the same mess as the other room, but there were more lamps intact, and only one of the six lamps that worked was blinking. I held my rifle up high, ready for anything. The rest of the team followed up behind me. *clang* There was a sound coming from the roof.
"You hear that?" Annabel was very startled. *clang* *clang* *bang*
"Yeah, I do," Chris replied. He was freaked out, but ready to kill anything that would come in his way. *clomp*
"Guys. Remember. Always shoot one last shot if they fall. We don't want them to rise again. And they are more than one. Shoot first, cry later." Octavia looked very confident about this.
*BANG*
Down from the roof they came. Out of the ventilation shafts. They looked like humans, but there was a big hole in it's stomach, and on each end of the hole was an extra pair of smaller arms. Out of the original arms, there were huge blades coming out of the palms, and the skin and body looked burnt at several places. Octavia was the first one to shoot, and all of the three monsters were shot down before we could aim. She shot one extra bullet into their head.
"You've got to react faster," she said angry and moved towards the bodies. She looked down at the middle one.
"Easy kill." She turned around and looked at us.
"Come over. We have to look for weak spots. We need to find out how to kill them fa... ARGH!" Before we could say anything, all of the three monsters jumped up and ripped her to pieces. Her arms went in opposite directions, and her head just flew away followed by a stream of dark red blood. We opened fire against the monsters, but to no use. They had tasted blood, and they wanted more. One of them ran directly at me. I fired away three shots at it's head, but it did not react. I dodged the creature just in time. It would have chopped my head clean off. I turned around to open fire again, but the monster was already over me. It's two extra arms hold me tight, but i managed to get away again. I could not do this forever. I ran away so I could get my aim right. The creature looked ready to attack again. I thought I could at least stall it by shooting it in the knee. I aimed, and shot three shots in each knee. It's legs flew off, and the monster stopped moving. It looked dead enough to me, so I took my time to scream: "Shoot off their legs!" Annabel had got a deep cut on her left arm, and Chris was trying to outrun his foe. I shot the monster that was closest to Annabel. It stopped moving once I shot off their legs. When I looked around to help Chris, he had already done what I told him to. I ran over to Annabel to check for her wound.
"Thank you, Brad. You saved me," she stammered. I did not answer, I just ripped off a part of my outfit and tied it around her arm so it covered the wound.
"I thought this was never gonna end," Chris said exhausted. "It's a miracle that we are alive. Oh my... Octavia. Now we know what they're capable of."
"I know, but we don't have time to mourn her. Finish the mission, and get the hell out of here." I looked at Annabel. "You alright?" She looked at me.
"I'll be fine." She looked at Octavia's remains. "We should go, before it's too late." "We can't," I replied. "We need the hospital's research. It may help us fight this threat." She looked into the floor, fell a tear, and looked up at me. "Let's do this!"
That was the first chapter.
"Holy creatures, transform me into your servant, show me the path to enlightenment, as you alter my flesh and free my soul." - unkown unitologist
Hi there!
Comments/Suggestions:
~I like how you started with the death of Fred. It really threw me off; I wasn't expecting something like that already! And it also made an impression on me. It wasn't a good impression, but even as I read on I couldn't stop thinking of Fred.
"Ten minutes later, we were all standing. Fully equipped. Ready for battle. 23 marines ready to fight until death. Or. As long as that would last."
~I absolutely loved this part. It builds tension and shows the courage of the marines.
~Your descriptions are good. I like how you describe everything in a very simple way. You don't go into great detail.
~Instead of writing out things like *clomp* and *bang* you should describe the sounds. Tell us how they sound, how its' making the characters feel. This would add to the overall effect.
I get really squeamish when it comes to injuries and fighting. Congratulations! You made me squeamish! (yes...that's a good thing) I thought your descriptions were perfect, giving just enough information to paint a picture in my mind.
Overall this is a good start. I would've liked to know some background information, but that'll probably come in later chapters. I give this a 5/6.
Let me know when you add another chapter. Keep writing!
**Noelle**
Gonna fix that Bang clang thingy. Thanks for the review, and you're right. I was pointing at what you said. And fixing the clompin(haha that sounded funny^^) will fit better in with the kind of story this is. Only thing is I wonder If I could fix a little in, so there are more teammates to kill :3 *loves killing people in books* Squeamish. Explain that word, please xD Anyways. Thanks again for the review. I appreciate it, and you just underline what I tried to while I wrote it.
Love, Bob Walker!
And btw. The detail thing is actually something I've been working on. You see, an "I" person cannot notice everything, but with the monsters, that were a little stunned after falling down, had to be describet to make a etter "feel". So that you know what you're looking at
Love, Bob Walker!
Bravo. It was very intriguing. Good Job.
Hey, I liked it! 6\10, simply because its one chapter and I wanna see some of the back ground in the next chapters, you know? It reminds me of Gears Of War, the way you describe the 'creature'. Well written, I could see it being a novel with some little things changed. I happened to find only two errors in it and that's this:
""Damn. What are did we sign up for," Chris moaned."
'what are did we'^
"There were more civilians than marines, but everyone were armed."
I believe it should be was, but I'm not sure just doesn't seem right. Goodluck with the other chapters!
I get what you mean. Thing is that I forgot to make a prologue xD Gonna fix anything you feel looked weird. As I said, it's not a finished product
Thanks for the review though 
What the? It's not possible to edit...
I think there is a button on the top right, big blue one
It just did not save what I edited