Young Writers Society

Cadishire ♥

I'm taking a break from greenness, and you're going to suffer the consequences!

My taste for this poem continually shuffles back and forth. It's close to conventional style, but just far enough of a distant relative to be fresh--so I'll give you points for that. Now, as far as personal taste, it feels very much like you've placed guard rails on yourself and this poem to ensure that you don't do something way too crazy with poetry, and for that, I'm sad. I'd like to see your work without a guard up--something less calculated for defense's sake.

Now, for the actual content, I feel like this is missing a central motif: something that's usually a form of imagery that follows the progression of speech through poetry. At the same time, though, I want to suffice the first two lines of each quatrain as a motif, setting the poem up as:

Lyric
Lyric
Metaphor
Metaphor

And I think that's where the guard comes up. By the end, it's very predictable. Your images are a bit too disconnected for my tastes: puzzles, the future (which is less of an image and more of another lyric), fireworks, magic/cupid/fate. However, the subconscious progression through the cliches of love twists it in a nice direction. By that, I mean:

Love is such a puzzle

I want to spend my entire future with you

When we kissed, I saw fireworks

Cupid struck us both

Hello Cadox. Sorry it's been so long.

This one is hit and miss I think. For me, it's the sudden changes between 'inside' and 'outside' (I mean, in terms of abstraction). See here;

You are not my one, my only,
and neither am I yours.
We fit like squares of jigsaw,
and jigsaw squares have more than one side.

This poem is well written, but it did not grab my attention very well. i did like it, but its very monotone. I really liked the line "and forever is a long, long time" it really helps bring the sense that nothing is certain to the idea of love. many people over romantisize everything, and its a fresh idea in a mess of overused ideals. i advise you to make your lines longer, and flower them up a bit. add some imagry, some description, like the warth the speaker feels as they lay in each their significant others arms. Some poems could use cuttting back on imagry and such, but if you bring some into yours, im sure that it will improve. it will also get attention from more readers, who would feel as if they truly know you just from reading one poem. ive read other poems, and this is far from the worst, but it doesn't make my top ten either. most readers enjoy being drawn into the speakers world, being able to read their thoughts and emotions through the linews of a stanza, and you dont exactly bring that here. however, it is good, and i enjoyed the topic. this is one that isnt actually over done, or been used so many times its boring. all in all, i enjoyed this. keep writing, please.

What a wonderful poem! i love how this sways away from the typical romance poems where they own eachother- this is modern and written with a real and vivid edge; an imperfect love- forming the most perfect relationship. I have enjoyed reading this poem...keep writing!

I don't have anything bad to say about this poem! I really like it actually. It shows that sometimes people think, if I love him, he's the only one for me, when really, there could be someone else out there.

I think my favorite stanza is the first one. I love the jigsaw puzzle comparison, because its so true. There could be so much more out there for you.

I sincerely love this poem(: And you did a wonderful job with it. I hope to read more of your work!

Keep writing!
~Forest

Just some nit picks

The future is uncertainty, - either change uncertainty to uncertain or add an "an" before

there’s us, and there’s enough. - there's enough should be that's enough.

I like this poem. It isn't about binding love, but transient love. Love that is imperfect, but still there. Or, it could be taken as a good argument for a couple continuing a fling. Either way, it's nice.

-Cheers
Ahhhsmusch