Lack of Hope

Maybe this is how pain is meant to feel,
With the shaking that occurs in between the fear and the ability to heal.
I don’t want to say too much,
And create a colossal type of snow fall down,
I’ve felt rock bottom and let me just say, it’s a rough ground.
I don’t know everything and I have a lot to learn,
But anything must be better than the need to burn
Every moment I’ve spent with you in my mind,
And I won’t deny how badly I yearn to see you,
But watching you watch me cry pulled me down,
Down to reality and all that it has to say,
This time, it was a quiet hush that you have been hurting me each and every day.
While I respect that you feel it’s best to stay friends,
Haven’t you ever dared to look back to the times we flew like paper?
Maybe you had the strength to blur it all away,
Like water does to paint,
Since I know I have been far from a saint to you,
But it couldn’t have been all bad,
At least not to me,
If you feel as though I am mistaken,
Then I pray from god to a trashcan that I will awaken from this fairytale,
For those are nothing but mere pretend,
Pixie dusted tools we use to send our pain away,
And wonderful romances when we dare to stay.

I know you and you know me,
But why do you know me better than me?
I know I speak like an ocean that cannot stop crashing,
Against every word that slips from your head to my ears,
And while I love you, I hate this fear,
That in less than four months we will no longer be here,
With the comfort of you being only feet away
And me having the ability to scream every last word I must say.
These are things that will be sent to a world far less appealing than NeverLand
And for the time being I think about you holding me,
Even though I’m the one who pulled my hand away,
And kept a distance when you moved closer,
But since you’re the one who loves to add walls between us,
Then maybe you should just take a freaking chance and trust us.
Excuse me if I seem a bit too naïve,
But this world is too damn dark to perceive everything as impossible
Lacking the fullness of humanity that I crave,
After all,
It’s the one thing that saved me almost a year ago.
And so,
With one last moment to lay it all on the line,
As if there was only one breath left in my body,
And this was some sort of average commodity to offer someone,
Almost as typical as the moon allowing the sun to awake,
From its ever so calming state of shinning rays to somewhere else,
I wish to be in the here and now,
And I’ll continue to allow myself to hand everything from my mind to you,
In the hopes that you’ll want all that I desperately do.
I am not holding my breath,
And I am trying my very best,
To not count the spare minutes I have left with you,
Because every time I see you I feel chances slipping away,
Sugar coating all the times I held my tongue and didn’t say,
All that you needed to hear from me,
Like how sorry I am that this is what you think we must be.