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by fireheartedkaratepup


*posts*

*runs away*

*hides*

~::~

She was running again.

How many times had she tried to escape? How many times had they brought her back? It had happened so, so many times before--she just couldn't let it happen again. She'd die first.

~::~

"NO!"

The door slammed in his face.

Ow.

He wasn't sure what hurt more; the tip of his nose, which had been clipped in the process, or his already wounded pride. Using both hands to carefully prod the offended area, he turned away from the shoe shop to continue walking down the street.

It was busy, for Cornville standards--they weren't exactly a small town, but they weren't a large one, either--and he did his best to ignore the glares.

Clearly, these people don't believe in redemption as much as they say they do.

It takes him a while to reach the coffee shop--They're all shops here, he thinks, we're not big enough for actual stores--and for that, he's glad. Wouldn't want Maggie seeing the worst of it, he sighs ruefully. She's concerned enough as It is.

~::~

How long has it been, now? She's lost track of time--not that she ever had a very good read on it, but still… there had been familiar patterns that told her what day it was, what time it was--even how brutal the next encounter was going to be. As much as she was glad to be rid of them, she almost missed their familiarity.

Just keep running…

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124 Reviews

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Thu Jun 14, 2012 5:43 am
PatriciaTina wrote a review...



Hey there! I saw you posted the link to this on my page a while back, but I seriously have not had the time to get on here long enough to actually review. But finally, here I am!

So, I really liked this too, but it's a bit confusing. I mean, who are these people? Are they the same people as the ones in the prologue? Right now you're just touching on an odd event where she (the mysterious Maggie? Or someone else? It's not really clear who it is...) slams the door in this man's face. She's running from something - but what? What is she running from? Why?

I know that this is most likely coming in later installments, but right now you're just leaving us with an incredibly short piece that doesn't make any sense at all as it is. Continue it and explain a bit more of what is going on. Answer the many questions brought up above. It doesn't have to be right away, but you may want to give us something - even just enough to keep us interested. If we don't have a clue what's going on, what's there to keep us reading?

Anyways, I think that you've got another good little piece here, but you really need to continue it. Make it a longer and revise a bit. It's not perfect yet, but nothing ever is on the first try. Good luck, keep writing, and I can't wait to read your next installment! :)

~ Patricia Tina




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Mon Jun 04, 2012 5:37 am
angelhunter97 wrote a review...



This is very interesting. It's cut short and to the point, which is brilliant. I'm very intrigued, and I would enjoy to read more of this work. The fact that you bring the city's set-up into this is news to me, but it's apparently essential to the story's setting. Keep it up.




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Sun Jun 03, 2012 11:27 pm
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JabberHut wrote a review...



FIREHEARTEDKARATEPUUUP!

Things are getting interesting after reading the previous page. I wonder how the two pieces come together. I imagine you'll be writing more?!

Quick nitpick before I get into things:

They're all shops here, he thinks, we're not big enough for actual stores--and for that, he's glad.


Not sure if this was intentional and we didn't actually meet the narrator yet or if it's a slip.

I found it interesting that the setting -- the city's structure -- was more important to talk about than the situation at hand. While some stories do mention the city, there's usually a balance of explanation for the plot as well. So the piece here puts more emphasis on the city's structure than what's going on.

At this point, I'm actually confused who's the bad guy here. I don't really have any hints to help me make a decision either. I feel like I'm being dragged along. So unfairly. XD! I'd like mooore. But again, I think it's the style that I have to get used to.

But that means you have to keep writing and post more so I can continue reading, okay? Good!

Keep writing! ;)

Jabber, the One and Only!




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Wed May 30, 2012 3:25 pm



.....where be the edit button? Anyhoot, here is the Prologue. It's not necessary for understanding; just one of those "flash to the future" things.





I feel like it will be absolute hotdog water, but oh well. It's just a draft.
— Charm