Young Writers Society

I only have on thing to say.

"My name is Inigo Montoya, you kill my father prepare to die."

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6JGp7Meg42U

Anybody else love the princess bride?

First off I read one of your other short stories and I feel obligated to say you have a gift with writing action.

Constructive:
You could add more detail to this one as what is the character thinking? It says at the end that this man killed his father, does a memory of his father flash through his brain right before he kills the guy? Something powerful.
Just like in a movie when the action gets intense they cut between a lot of different shots to make your heart rate go up you can do the same in writing a book. Except in writing you are cutting between the characters thoughts. ie What is the scar guy thinking? Does he know who's fighting him? Does he know why? Is he remembering the event? The main character here was he there when his father died? Is he thinking about that? etc. cutting between these thoughts and motivations of characters can help lengthen/add suspense and also bring the reader into the excitement even more than you have already.

Good:
You have such a great gift with writing. Your attention to detail is great and honestly I had to read this twice because the first time I was so absorbed with visualizing everything that was happening and wasn't focused at all on what you could do differently. It was like reading a book. It was great, great work.

Think I'm going to have to go to your page now and see if there's something else in that portfolio that sparks interest because I've enjoyed reading your work. lol

~Caroline

...I reviewed this. I swear I did.

Wow. This is really good! I like how you just stopped it suddenly, leaving the readers wondering. The description is good, but it could be better. Just a little more description goes a long way. Like here: "A smile came to my lips as I circled the tall man. A scar ran from his right eye down to his chin. My sword was drawn and I was ready." You could try something a bit more descriptive. I'm not sure if this is how you were planning on it being pictured, but this is how I pictured it: "A smirk spread across my face as I circled the tall, lean man. A faded pink scar traveled down his face, beginning just above his eyebrow and coming to a stop at his chin." See how much better you can picture it? And also, you need to describe your surroundings. Where were you? What was the armor made of? What did it look like? What did the man look like? Try to make it as descriptive as possible without making it boring. This, by no means, was boring. It was truly a great read. But I didn't have a clear picture in my head.
Good work! Keep it up!
~Fallen