Points:
Time spent:
IP address:
Canary word: Present
Possible AI signals:
Original Text:
Are you sure you want to delete this comment? This cannot be undone.
Mark this comment as a review? Points will be awarded to the poster.
Your comment was posted, but it wasn’t long enough to count as a review. Reviews need about four complete sentences (at least 250 characters). Try writing another review that explains your thoughts in more detail — the author will appreciate it, and you’ll earn points for it.
139,879 Literary Works • 672,707 Reviews
Hey so vintage writer has something but personally I like 4 lines per stanza but that's totally you. The biggest thing with writing poetry is doing lines so you can more easily settle into rhythm and decide for yourself your meter, and rhyme scheme. Also some things where a little off looking at vintage writers post "the perfectly sublime" should be changed to something like the "perfect sublime" but still wouldn't make sense because its an adjective (i think) it just sounds off to me.. Also things like "key to my heart" Is so cliche it is no longer effective in emotion.
also you set the tone and foreshadow nothing 2nd stanza, "And when she sank that day
it tore my world apart" -I dont understand what those two lines mean cause in the end you say your propelling through calm waves?
Anyways I came her to review so take this or leave it. Have fun writing!
Thankyou:') I did actually have it set out as 4 lines per stanza, but I put it up on my phone so that might be why it isn't like that:) I don't really think when I write, I just go with the flow, so that explains some of the bits that don't make sense
)
She drifted slowly through the sea
holding the key to my heart
and when she slowly sank that day
it tore my world apart.
My ship rocked through the ocean
a mystery of secrets and time
slowly sailing past the land
the view perfectly sublime.
As she flowed past the liners
the workers looked on in awe
taking in the elegant grace
defying the most important law.
Yes! The law of gravity!
She looked as though she was flying!
Propelling through the calm waves
producing a most beautiful thing.
This is a really good poem! I'd love to see more of yours! I just put your poem into a sample stanza above. Obviously, you don't have to have the stanzas like I had them. That's just me winging it!
Write On,
~~Heidi~~
Hey! Pixie here to review as requested.
I really like this poem. It's different, which is a quality of a good writer. The way you expressed the sea, and how magnificent you think it is, and how it holds you're life - not literally - and it's very mesmorizing. I mean that by saying it's very captivating. You really inhanced meanings of poems.
You described this is amazing detail, also. I like how you told it in a story as well, how the girl was drifting in the ocean. Very nice. There wasn't really anything bad about this. Good job and keep writing!
~Pix
This is a really beautiful description of a ship
Is it a poem? because if it is then I can see where the stanzas could be separated, you just have to sort out the layout 
...I wouldn't of been able to write like this at twelve.
Thanks:D Yess its a poem, and when I wrote it I had the stanza seperated but it went kift :/