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Red Kiss

by Giselle97


Prologue

He was sitting on the ceiling. On the Ceiling. I pulled back the duvet,watched him watching me and tried to steady my breathing.

How in the hell is he doing that?

"I'm dead, Sky, remember?Gravity...among other things,no longer has a hold on me."

"Ugh,stop that!"

I cross my arms over my chest and purposely shut him ,at least tried.

"Roman-"

"What?"

The bastard was totally calm, just the hint of a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips gave way to his emotions,no matter how cold and bloody or sick and twisted-

"That's enough."

Mean and cynical,ruthless,lying,cheating,heartless-

"Sky"

What're you gonna' do,bite me? I dare you

"Really"

The way he drew out the word, enunciating it with something new dripping acid in his voice. Lust filled his soul less obsidian eyes, a deathly sweet aroma filled the air.

I'm not afraid of you,"So there."

A new tension rose between us, so profound that I could literally feel the air thicken.

"Is that so?"

His movements,no matter how sudden,were deliberately stood,eyes never leaving mines,and glided down the wall,slowly with confidence,watching the shock and fear build in my mind. And me,with my bad self,I decided to run.

Right-left-Right-left-no-shoe-Right-left.

I knew he'll be able to follow my scent,or even the all-out sound of my ragged breathing. There was no hope,I was completely at his mercy, and heaven only knew how vain it would be to put hope in that. It seemed like years before I finally managed to slam the heaven wooden door behind me.

Thank God for socks,otherwise-

NO.

The once covered-in-dust-and-spiderwebs little cottage has been turned into the exact likeness of his house,only not hearly as exaggerated. Deep crimson could be seen in nearly every corner,hints of silver undertones caught on the furniture. The windows were open. I had this awful feeling rising in my belly,he was so close. And then I was airborne,breathe less,scratching, scared out of my mind.

"Care to repeat that?"

By the time we landed I was furious,desperate to hurt him like he's hurt me.

"Get off of me you sick masochistic bastard, don't you ever do that again!"

~for all the readers that have,under demanding life threatening circumstances similar to mine;never,in any situation,scream in a vampires face when your're alone with them/him/her in your/his/her/their house/mansion/castle(or in my case) cottage,when they've just appeared out of frigging nowhere pounced and snatched you and flew to the couch where they are now straddling you. Never a good idea~

He smiles,fangs suddenly visible,shining brightly under the pale glow moonlight streaming through his drapes.

Oh...Oh...

"Oh,Fudge."

I couldn't avoid the fear and anticipation that sent a thrill of adrenaline pouring into my blood. The smile grows,sharpens, leans forward,cool breath still as sweet as I remembered, and whispers,

"T's not exactly the way I'd put it, however-"

Before I know what's happened he's had both my hands trapped in one of his,over my head,the other teases at the elastic of my Vsecrets bed shorts.

"-Seeing as your're alone,and as far away from civilization as you could get,just now,I suppose it couldn't hurt to be lenient-"

After all

Shudders run through me as his voice penetrates my thoughts,

Who in this world could possibly save you from the crafty hands of a vampire,nearly as old as time,when his only intentions are to steal the heart and virtue of, oh lovely ?

His lips tease mine,eyes never leaving my face,and I can literally feel my will breaking. If anything I want him to take me, I don't want to fight anymore.

"Say it out loud,Sky,tell me you want it."

There's something about his voice,it's more than seductive,I get shivers.

Maybe this is real.

"I'll never leave you again."


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Reviews: 2550

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Sun Oct 17, 2021 11:45 am
HarryHardy wrote a review...



Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: HMm, well this is...a decent piece here. I think its got most of what you expect and want from a prologue, but it does seem to have a couple of small issues that I'll get into down below.

Anyway let's get right to it,

He was sitting on the ceiling. On the Ceiling. I pulled back the duvet,watched him watching me and tried to steady my breathing.

How in the hell is he doing that?

"I'm dead, Sky, remember?Gravity...among other things,no longer has a hold on me."

"Ugh,stop that!"

I cross my arms over my chest and purposely shut him ,at least tried.

"Roman-"

"What?"


Okay....well, its certainly quite the start there, it absolutely manages to catch your attention rather quickly here with mentions of death and floating people...and well, this is a neat little start to have here, especially with a prologue.

The bastard was totally calm, just the hint of a smirk tugging at the corner of his lips gave way to his emotions,no matter how cold and bloody or sick and twisted-

"That's enough."

Mean and cynical,ruthless,lying,cheating,heartless-

"Sky"

What're you gonna' do,bite me? I dare you

"Really"


Okay....on the surface some of these things look a bit like a argument and threats but everything here has an oddly banter like quality to it, which makes me think that maybe this isn't quite meant to be an argument, or at least its not an argument between two people genuinely trying to hurt each other while of course the facial expressions and such tell you otherwise. It makes for a fairly odd combination here.

The way he drew out the word, enunciating it with something new dripping acid in his voice. Lust filled his soul less obsidian eyes, a deathly sweet aroma filled the air.

I'm not afraid of you,"So there."

A new tension rose between us, so profound that I could literally feel the air thicken.

"Is that so?"

His movements,no matter how sudden,were deliberately stood,eyes never leaving mines,and glided down the wall,slowly with confidence,watching the shock and fear build in my mind. And me,with my bad self,I decided to run.


Well...okay perhaps that one finally takes on a bit of a genuine sense of potential threat there, cause now it finally seems like a serious conversation is going on in which there is the potential for some harm to occur here...its an interesting turn of events there.

Right-left-Right-left-no-shoe-Right-left.

I knew he'll be able to follow my scent,or even the all-out sound of my ragged breathing. There was no hope,I was completely at his mercy, and heaven only knew how vain it would be to put hope in that. It seemed like years before I finally managed to slam the heaven wooden door behind me.

Thank God for socks,otherwise-

NO.


And so we have ourselves a neat little chase sequence, those are always rather fun to work with so I'm enjoying this one here...its always a good idea to include something like that in a prologue.

The once covered-in-dust-and-spiderwebs little cottage has been turned into the exact likeness of his house,only not hearly as exaggerated. Deep crimson could be seen in nearly every corner,hints of silver undertones caught on the furniture. The windows were open. I had this awful feeling rising in my belly,he was so close. And then I was airborne,breathe less,scratching, scared out of my mind.

"Care to repeat that?"

By the time we landed I was furious,desperate to hurt him like he's hurt me.

"Get off of me you sick masochistic bastard, don't you ever do that again!"


OKay....well, this is an interesting change from thing there...now we're back to a sort of midpoint between banter between friends and actual danger, this feels like semi actual danger between two people that know each other relatively well.

~for all the readers that have,under demanding life threatening circumstances similar to mine;never,in any situation,scream in a vampires face when your're alone with them/him/her in your/his/her/their house/mansion/castle(or in my case) cottage,when they've just appeared out of frigging nowhere pounced and snatched you and flew to the couch where they are now straddling you. Never a good idea~

He smiles,fangs suddenly visible,shining brightly under the pale glow moonlight streaming through his drapes.

Oh...Oh...

"Oh,Fudge."


And now we're right back towards the extreme of it actually sounding a bit scary and being terrifying, I don't know what sort of message you're trying to convey with this piece here. I feel like maybe you need to try and figure that tone out a bit better and keep it consistent, that will potentially come off better here.

I couldn't avoid the fear and anticipation that sent a thrill of adrenaline pouring into my blood. The smile grows,sharpens, leans forward,cool breath still as sweet as I remembered, and whispers,

"T's not exactly the way I'd put it, however-"

Before I know what's happened he's had both my hands trapped in one of his,over my head,the other teases at the elastic of my Vsecrets bed shorts.

"-Seeing as your're alone,and as far away from civilization as you could get,just now,I suppose it couldn't hurt to be lenient-"

After all

Shudders run through me as his voice penetrates my thoughts,


Okay...now things are in fact leaning towards the full on horror side of things, and I by now it really is working quite well here as a prologue. We're getting all sorts of little pieces of information about how this world works and the situation this person is in and its building up nicely here. I think perhaps going the full horror route would be the best for this piece.

Who in this world could possibly save you from the crafty hands of a vampire,nearly as old as time,when his only intentions are to steal the heart and virtue of, oh lovely ?

His lips tease mine,eyes never leaving my face,and I can literally feel my will breaking. If anything I want him to take me, I don't want to fight anymore.

"Say it out loud,Sky,tell me you want it."

There's something about his voice,it's more than seductive,I get shivers.

Maybe this is real.

"I'll never leave you again."


Okay....now then it ends on....well, I think you really need to pick the tone out properly here. Its interesting, its got most of what you want from a good prologue, its just the relationship and interaction between these two characters just completely refuses to be consistent here and that's not a good sign.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, this has quite a bit of potential as a prologue, but it does need to have a few things ironed out before it can bring its message across quite as clearly there. Anyway that's about all I've gotta say here.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry




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Points: 240
Reviews: 41

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Wed Jun 27, 2012 12:18 pm
xMidnightWriterx wrote a review...



Wow, this is quite an intense prologue and a very well written one too! In my own personal opinion, prologues should give hints to the reader about what the book is about and have them asking so many questions at the end of reading it that they just have to carry on and find out the answers. I beleive that you tick both boxes with this and now I'm really intrigued.

At some points that whole speech and mind-thoughts got a litle confusing as I wasn't sure who was saying/thinking what, so a little clarification could be needed in a few choosen places.

- 'The way he drew out the word, enunciating it with something new dripping acid in his voice. Lust filled his soul less obsidian eyes, a deathly sweet aroma filled the air.' This has got to be my favourite bit. You choose the words perfectly and it all builds a great character picture in the readers mind. And because it is in a single character's POV you can also see what she feels towards him just by your description.

This piece is really good and I hope my review helped, Midnight x





If you run now, you will be running the rest of your life.
— Reborn