Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
Anyway let's get right to it,
His body shook as the ice-cold rain pelted his skin and clothing. His finger was on the trigger to a gun that would end a life and there were at least a dozen and a half police officers with their pistol barrels pointed at him. His jaw tightened as he thought back on the events which lead him to this point. Tears streamed down his cheeks as memories of his little sister stirred in his mind. Those tears mixed with the rain flooding down on him and his surroundings. His hand tightened. He was starting to pull the trigger when a voice rang out to him. It wasn't the negotiator. It was a woman's voice.
"Nick! Don't do this!" she yelled to him. She was being held back by a bulky officer. "Please! It's not worth it! Killing him won't do anything to bring your sister back!"
Wow, we have quite the standoff here to start things off with, don't we, this one certainly manages to capture your attention very early and very quickly as a reader, cause there just appears to be some serious chaos going down. It also looks like we've got someone about to commit a murder that appears to be very much out of a bit of a vengeful passion right there...and then there's the police and also some other woman here that's attempting to calm the very angry man down and prevent a murder.
He lightened his grip. His shivering stopped. Her voice always calmed in. He fell so hard for her that if he had literally fallen, he'd have a split head and a concussion. A image of her eyes popped in his head. The same set of eyes he first saw back in high school.
"If I don't do this, Kaitlin, then you and I both know he'll get away and do it again. I can't let him fucking live after what he did," Nick replied. His grip tightened and he shoved the pistols barrel hard against the back of the man's head. An audible squeal could be heard coming from the man, who was on his knees. He started up his begging "Oh god come on man! Please don't do this! I didn't do anything! You got the wrong man!". It continued, and as the seconds kept passing, his pleas grew louder and more desperate.
Well with how desperate that man sounds, I'd be more than likely to rule it in favor of this person being guilty of whatever crime has brought this person to this point. There's definitely a few hints here although its not necessarily the absolute clearest. All in all, you know this has to be a murder or a crime on a truly disgusting level like that for this person to have decided the only right course of action is to kill this person and prevent them for doing it again.
The trigger squeezed and the gunshot rang like thunder. It was over. He felt relaxed knowing that the bitch was dead now. The time went by slowly as he closed his eyes and embraced what happened next. A ring of bright light came from a dozen and a half muzzles, brightening up the walls of nearby buildings. Nick's body fell to the ground, his blood mixing with the water,steadily flowing down into a street gutter. He was gasping for breath, but he was satisfied. He had done what he meant to do. The only regret would be leaving Kaitlin behind. As his vision blurred, the last thing he saw was her bright, majestic, blue eyes.
Well that ended about as well as it could have there...you could certainly see that this was inevitable and also see that this is something that was truly sick enough for this person to have been driven by anger to this current point. Its hard to judge without context exactly who was in the right here, but I do feel like the police also shooting all at once too mind you and killing this man is a step too far, I feel like they'd rather shoot to wound and arrest him rather than straight up kill, cause you could clearly see the fight leaving this person as the shot is fired, its not like this person showed any indication of endangering anyone else.
At any rate, that little detail aside...I think the prologue itself was constructed really well. There's a very powerful and tangible build up of tension over the course of those first few paragraphs and everything fully comes to a head in that final one as everything is released in a volley of multiple gunshots before it all fades away into one single end there. Nicely done
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 254288
Reviews: 4103
Donate