Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

"stars so bright they blind me. Yeahhh. Don't close your eyes, don't fade away!Don't fade away! ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh! Yeah, you and me can light up the sky. If you stay by my side we can rule the world!"

Story of my life! Yeah, I know it's over! I just can't get over you. He was amazing in every way. It was two years a go. From apperance I have moved on. But night is when it all comes back, figures, I lie on the balcony everynight at 12pm (this was our time) and listen to our song (^ above by take that), it was all so perfect however so impossible.

A tear as silent as night edged out my eye and flowed down my cheek onto the ground below me. I have something to tell you and it's got to be fast! I have kept it bottled up for too long. Now i feel like it's going to explode and rip my heart out! I am in so much emotional pain i feel like someone has shattered me in a hundred peices! i can't live like this, not anymore. Not after what happened...

Hey there! I'm Danie, and I'm here to review for you. All of my comments and corrections will be in pink.

"#FF00FF ">Stars so bright they blind me. #FF00FF ">Yeah. Don't close your eyes#FF00FF ">; don't fade away! Don't fade away! #FF00FF ">Oh! Yeah#FF00FF ">. You and me can light up the sky. If you stay by my side#FF00FF ">, we can rule the world!" #FF00FF ">I get that she-it's a sha right?- is singing, but you don't have to repeat letters like that. You could simply say that the she held out the notes for as long as she could or something. Another thing is that you exclamation points a lot. Maybe you could include that she was shouting at the top of her lungs when you describe what she's doing.

Story of my life! Yeah, I know it's over!#FF00FF ">Okay, now the exclamation points are getting a bit annoying. I don't want to feel like I'm getting constantly shouted at... I just can't get over you. He was amazing in every way. #FF00FF ">In the last two sentences, you changed tenses. It should probably read like: I just couldn't get over you. You were amazing in every way. Another thing I changed in there is that in one sentence you refer to him as 'you' but in the next you say he. I changed that for you. It was two years #FF00FF ">ago. Ago is one word. From apperance I have moved on.#FF00FF ">I don't get that sentence. But night is when it all comes back#FF00FF ">. Figures#FF00FF ">. I lie on the balcony #FF00FF ">every night at 12pm (this was our time)#FF00FF ">12 pm isn't not nighttime dearest. It seems that you were implying that it was not time. Correct me if I'm wrong. and listen to our song (^ above by take that)#FF00FF ">I don't understand what that's supposed to mean. I'm assuming that you're talking about the thing at the top, and if I assume correctly, then this little thing in parenthesis is unnescessary. It was all so perfect however so impossible.

A tear as silent as night edged out my eye and flowed down my cheek onto the ground below me. I have something to tell you and it's got to be fast! I have kept it bottled up for too long. Now i feel like it's going to explode and rip my heart out! I am in so much emotional pain #FF00FF ">I feel like someone has shattered me in a hundred peices! #FF00FF ">I can't live like this, not anymore. Not after what happened...

thanks i will remember that! and i will keep writing i mean i have to to getin the college i want toi go to x oh... and thanks for the spelling mistakes ill check that now!

Okay, sometimes it seems like you are just talking to use, and the other is that you're reading poetry. There are a few spelling and grammar mistakes. ALWAYS edit and double check! Keep on writing.