Hey there! Plume here, with a review for the RevMo Checklist Challenge (though you'll likely never see this)!
This was a very interesting (almost absurdist) script! I enjoyed reading it, and thought it was both comic and eerie at the same time. You included the setting and the beginning, and throughout I felt there was a good mix of dialogue and action.
I liked how matter-of-fact the characters spoke to and about each other. It definitely helped give the script a cohesive feel, and made it evident that you were going for a more absurdist piece than a naturalistic one. In a way, I think the fact that it's a script helped sell the dialogue more; it feels like a performance piece in that way.
I also liked your choices in writing Robby's dialogue versus the sister's dialogue. Sis' dialogue felt more baby-ish and biased against Robby, and I found myself rooting for Robby more than her. He had a more polished and reasonable way of speaking, which made him seem less whiny, which then made me like him more.
One thing I wondered about was if the story could be expanded; obviously it's not a piece that is meant to be taken seriously, but I wondered if you could lean more into the absurdist nature of it. It would be interesting to play around with to see what you could come up with. I also thought the formatting could use a little refining; there were some points where the way the text was differentiated between action and dialogue made it a little hard to tell which was which.
Overall: nice work! I think this was a very unique piece, and I enjoyed reading it! I hope to read more of your work soon!
Points: 81482
Reviews: 672
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