Hmm.. Not bad actually
You use good imagary and such, and it tends to have a good flow, although sometimes this is out of whack and tends to just... stumble along? If you understand what I mean.
Your punctuation in some places is a little strange and you don't use enough in other places - try to vary from the everyday comma and period, it makes the poem seem easier and more enjoyabke to read, because you can create suspense with different pauses in different places.
Hope this helps.
Points: 890
Reviews: 461
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