“You know what you look like?” you laughed, your calloused thumb tracing the colors on my face. “A clown.” I turned to the mirror and studied myself, taking in the black, blue, purple, red. You told me that you loved me and that it would heal. You promised it would never happen again.
Your promises are hollow, they mean nothing anymore. You threw me to the ground, screaming as I shook and held my arms over my face. Do you remember how it was before?
I dream about you all the time, I recreate scenes from the past, and we’re in love again, real love. I like to pretend that my dreams are reality and the real world is just a vivid nightmare. It’s okay, I’ll wake up in a few hours and all my bruises will be gone, my hair will be long and shiny, and you’ll kiss me and sing to me again.
It’s nearly every other night now, you leave me bleeding and sweating and running out of aspirin. Wake up, wake up, wake up.
My wounds are familiar, they always seem to be in the same spots and hurt the same way. I’m still your stupid clown, trying to get the bloodstains out of the carpet and bed sheets so it’ll at least look like life is normal again.
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This is inspired by "Pierrot the Clown" by Placebo
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