Young Writers Society

Hi there!

This is a delightful and entertaining poem that is both funny and fascinating. The characters, Karl Kale, Ginny Grapefruit, Emil Eggplant, and Kayden Kiwi, are all quirky and unique, making them relatable and endearing to the reader.

Your use of rhyming and poetic language adds a whimsical touch to the story, making it an enjoyable read for all ages. The humorous tone of the story is especially prevalent in the unexpected twist towards the end of the story, where the anti-candy patrol fights off gummy monsters with giant blue toothbrushes and protein shakes.

The poem is fascinating. The idea of four friends who are foods, coming together to create music and perform for the public is intriguing and unique. The addition of the camel made of flannel adds a humorous element, and the chaos that ensues as a result is both entertaining and unexpected.

-Rose
https://rosewriting12.blogspot.com/

Hi foxmaster!

Thanks for sharing this poem. Elinor here to drop you a quick review. I really enjoyed reading this poem! It reminded me of the VeggieTales that I used to watch as a kid. This almost feels like it could be fun as an illustrated children's book. It also feels more like a short story rather than a poem.

I do think there's a little more that you could do with the world building of this poem to make it fully land. I think I wanted to know if the foods are sentient food items in a normal world or if people just accept the fact that food is sentient. How did the gummy monsters become giant? Does everyone who lives in this world accept that these things happen on a regular basis? How do people contend with that?

Let me know if you have any questions-- I think you have a great basis here. Hope this helps and keep writing!


Elinor