Young Writers Society

Well, I enjoyed the twist at the end, and the title fits neatly into the plot. Clearly, this person has some issues, if not a few blocks short of sanity. Lol!

I liked the way it ended. It leaves the reader free to make their own assumptions as to the backstory could be, which ironically is exactly what the character did with the broken glass.

Perfect!

This story was very unique! Starting off with a mystery, leading into a possibility, then right into a big reveal is all super fun to read. It was a very short rollercoaster of thoughts. The blend of realism with the simple broken glass and dapper man, as well as the fantasy of a broken soul is transitioned surprisingly well. Its clear what the story is and leaves little questions. Nice job! It was a fun read!

This is really good! I enjoyed the paragraph about the fictional man -- it was a brief yet compelling image of a mysterious character in an extravagant setting. The contrast between this and the narrator's reality is another intriguing aspect, as it shows their fantastical thoughts being "shattered" by the coldness of reality. One thing I would like to see expanded is the setting of the narrator's reality -- what room are they in? Who neatly piled the glass on the floor?

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!

First Impression: This is quite the piece here. You've really managed to pack quite a lot into this despite it being such a small piece here. It definitely leaves you with quite a lot to think about too.

Anyway let's get right to it,

I look around the room and see shards of glass neatly piled up on the floor. I step forward and my mind wonders, what is the story behind this glass? What has happened to it? I am a dreadfully curious person, and when I don't get an answer, I make up one in mind.

A dapper man in a fancy suit must've been sipping his extravagant dom perignon from this glass, trying to score a deal with the business man in front of him. He looks around the enormous hall and admires the adornments, golden lights hanging from the wall, stunning chandeliers hanging on the wall, and soft classic music playing in the background, and suddenly someone bumps into him and the glass slips from his grip and crashes onto the floor. "Sorry" the man says to no one. Every time that word was spoken from his mouth, it was never meant.

I come back to reality and pick up a piece of the glass and examine it.

Realization hits me like a wild thunderstorm.

These are the pieces of my broken soul, which slipped carelessly from the hands of the world and shattered.

The world has deceived me.

Once again.

And I fell for it.

Once again.

Hello! I just wanted to say that I thought your piece was very abstract and original. I like the deep description of the bolded paragraph; it paints a clear picture of this man.

Initial thoughts:

I enjoyed how you made up a story for the shards of glass at the beginning. This is something that I do this quite often, and it was a little humorous to see another's thought process through it. The ending was kind of a twist. I feel we could've used a little more context into the character and exactly how they were "Deceived." When I read this piece, I kind of broke the ending into two parts: the uninitialized, and the rest of the initialized. It makes me think that the character is just hit with this blow of realization and after the thunderstorm part it all kind of races. I don't know if this was your intent, but that is how I think of it.

Things I like:

Like I said before, I liked the description of the man in the bolded paragraph. I also like how you don't just talk about him but his surroundings, what he is holding, and even going as far as his drink. It describes a great imagination, and I like that.

Things that could be expanded:
I think you had a great idea here, but I feel you might need something in between the bolded paragraph and the conclusion. When reading I think of the main character as a detective of sorts, who once again, was misled by a clue. It is a little unclear what your actual intent was for this character, and it leads me to think that this is part of a bigger story, in which case I would love to learn more.

Overall I think that this is a great story, I just could use a little more context in the transition from the bold paragraph to the last part. Great Job!

-Cat

Wow. I really wasn't expecting that ending, but it really all came together. I love the abstract feeling that it gives off. I also love the way that the sentences flow into each other, and the exploration of imagination combined with reality. The broken up sentences at the end really feed into the idea the the character is broken, and missing something, which I adore.

Hello, and welcome to the site! I hope you’re having a great day or night!

This was a fascinating read, covered head-to-toe in fun figurative language and stunning word choice. I particularly liked the line,

Realization hits me like a wild thunderstorm.

The world has deceived me.

Once again.

And I fell for it.

Once again.

hello! welcome to YWS 😃

I love this piece so much. The suspense and drama, the entire impression of it is so enthralling, it's very poetic. I love how the protagonist makes up a story themselves to fit the theme of the broken glass.

These are the pieces of my broken soul, which slipped carelessly from the hands of the world and shattered.

Hey there! Welcome to the site! Lim here to leave you a review.

General Impressions

The end of this story and the way it progressed generally felt a bit surprising to me. The story felt abstract and the ending seemed ambiguous. I was left wondering if this room is meant to be a place in the world or if it’s simply in the main character’s mind. I think the meaning of the story could be along the lines of living life as a lie? I interpreted the bolded vision of the “dapper man” as perhaps being the same person as the main character. Perhaps he had a lot of regrets mingling with the rich and being forced to behave in an insincere way and not be true to himself. I found it interesting that this scene was “made up” by the main character but at the same time there is a real connection between the glass breaking in the scene and the shattered glass the main character is holding in the end.

Glows – What I liked

Something I liked was how the narration showed the main character’s personality and perhaps social background as well. I could interpret the “I” and the “man” as being the same person because I can imagine someone who says things like “dreadfully curious” would also be likely to describe themselves as “dapper”. They also sound very authoritative to be thinking things like ‘if no one’s going to give me an answer, I’ll do it myself!’. So I can imagine them being a businessperson of some sort.

I also like the idea of the story. Characters waking up alone in a room is a pretty common thing to see, but I thought you created a fresh take on it by adding the shards of glass that turn out to be the narrator’s broken soul. It’s almost like a poetic metaphor that has become literal or more tangible anyhow for this person.

Grows – Ideas to consider

Something I wish the story had more of was descriptions of how exactly the ‘deception’ occurred. For instance, ‘scoring a deal’ does not necessarily involve deception. So it would be nice to know things like: was the man lying about his business in order to score the deal? Was he pretending to be richer than he was by dressing a certain way and attending fancy events? Was he putting on a show to get what he wanted, and how was he doing it? By talking down to the waiters and waitresses? Showing off a diamond ring? That sort of thing would help make the story stronger, I think.

A side note: While I like the way the hall was described, I couldn’t help but notice there were two descriptions that ended with “the wall”, which felt a bit awkward.
Another thing to experiment with would be to add more hints as to what ‘happened’ in the story? Sometimes it can be good to leave things up to the reader’s imagination. My imagination personally struggled a bit with figuring out what the “Once again” referred to. Is it that the first deception happened in the hall, and the second one in the room (main character is deceived to think his soul is just pieces of glass)?

Overall

I thought this was an interesting concept for a story with a good use of the first-person voice. If you are planning to edit/ revise this or write more stories, my main suggestion would be to describe more specific actions and events that lead up to important themes in your character’s life, such as ‘being deceived’.

Hope this helps and let me know if you’d like more feedback on something specific!
-Lim