Young Writers Society

Hello! Here to review! I'm not great with poetry but I will give it a go.

I like the reference to potato chips because I'm seeing that once you eat all the crisps you're left with an empty bag - which is how the narrator feels. Also the inside of a crisp packet is silver which links to the robot imagery.

'my heart beats robotically' is an odd image because when things are usually compared to robotics its to imply that they do not have a heart. Maybe there's a reason you've played with that that I have missed.

'3 years ago you asked for my number, but I guess you didn't care enough to save it
I saved your number from my mom's phone because you were her lawn mower
"Will u be mine?"' - this was so jarring I did a double take XD

The part about being verbally abused as a child is very trauma dumpy. With poetry its good to dance around those sorts of things instead of just being like 'my childhood sucked.' Poetry is a great way to get feelings across and painting pictures with words and not just stating the facts. There are plenty of better and more creative ways of saying something like that.

I like the repetition of questions through each stanza.

Overall this piece is pretty simple and could become something a lot better if you played around with words and language a lot more.

Hope this helps!

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Sunflower here for a quick review!
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This was a rather interesting poem, at least for me. The poem starts oddly gorry with the comparison of eating ones insides to potato chips, which is refrered to once more later in the poem. I like how you mix straight forward language with far more symbolic imagery which I feel like makes it feel more full. I also love the Addam's family mention I loved the show when I was younger! This poem was somber but had that odd sense of depressing hope to it (if that makes any sense) and it really came together well for the most part!
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Thank you for reading and I hope you have a fantastic day!
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