Good morning, afternoon, evening, night, or whatever applies to you in your specific time zone. Anyway, onto the review. I must say, that was really good! I loved the rhyme scheme! The imagery and word choice was also superb. I have a few minor critiques to share with you, but it is your poem, so please feel free to disregard my remarks.
The sun and moon are melded as one
Transforming the light to a purplish hue
Displaying an array of colorful neon
Clouded from the smoke of the hookah blue
In this line, the consistent rhyme scheme changes for a few lines, then changes back. It draws away from the poem, and confuses the reader. Most of the poem is an ‘AA/BB’ rhyme scheme, but on this line it abruptly changes to an ‘AB/AB’ pattern. When I read it, I expected the second line to rhyme with the first, as it had been in the lines before.
Hard to tell if it’s real…...a dream….a fake….
Other then the rhyme scheme, there was this line. It seems a tad long compared to the other lines, but in reality, it’s a small issue that can be ignored.
Dorothy had her shoes but you have your tear
Wish with it wisely or you’ll spend an eternity here
I think this was my favorite line. It was a beautiful end to your poem! I also loved how you referenced other famous literature in your poem. All in all, yours was a beautiful poem, and I really enjoyed reading it! I hope to see more of your work around! Stay safe and keep writing!
-Lizzy
Points: 1763
Reviews: 60
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