Young Writers Society

"I know this city like the back of my hand. Don't need no teen telling me I'm wrong."

This is an awkward place to start a chapter at because someone needs to have previous knowledge of the writing to actually understand most of it. Since I read the previous chapter where the conflict of having the driver being maybe not a driver was placed, I know what's going on and I'm following it. I do see that one of the other reviewers was not caught up in the slightest, and that causes a lot of issues when reviewing.

In general, it's also kind of awkward for people who have been following along because if they took a break for longer than thirty minutes, they'll be maybe just as lost. Jumping between tabs to figure out what has happened before isn't the most ideal way to review unless it's jumping between informational tabs, so I'm not exactly the biggest fan of having to do any of that due to my poor attention span.

"What! I want out!" Emma protested.

I'm starting to see a common theme with this protag and it matches so many others where all they do is run at the sight of anything not normal for their lives. Oh, a person who drives for a living gets mad when I hint they don't know what they're doing because they know these roads better than me? I want to escape this! I couldn't even count how many times I've seen this on my fingers because it happens so much.

It furthers what I learned before about Emma, from reading a few parts and not the whole thing, being more of a bland character because she doesn't really express anything, and when she does feel something other than sickness and extreme random fear, it's the same thing pasted over and over just in different scenarios.

"Oh, just call me Alfred." The elderly gentleman smiled.

OH WAIT THIS IS BATMAN FANFIC??

NOTE: Being that I'm not caught up, this might not be the best review, and some of the things I mention might be irrelevant
Hiya Ashlyn again here for a review!! As always, please keep in mind that this review is not intended to offend you or make your writing look bad!

"I know this city like the back of my hand. Don't need no teen telling me I'm wrong."

"I didn't say that!"

"You meant it." The cabby shrugged.

"What! I want out!" Emma protested.

"Well, you're miles from where you need to be." The cabby pulled over. Emma quickly stepped out.

"I told you that!" She slammed the cab door shut.

"I don't want you near my cab again, ever." The evil grin returned to the cabby's face. He swung his cab perilously in front of another vehicle. The driver leaned on her horn.

Love that you've dived straight into the action.
Alright this ahhh....isn't the best situation for anyone to be in. What was she doing in a cab int he first place? Where was the driver supposed to take Emma? Home? To a business meeting or some such scenario? I feel like some more description would also be useful here ^^

"Ugh. Crazy cabby." Emma remarked. She turned and surveyed her surroundings. Tall polished skyscrapers surrounded her. Their windows glinted sun into Emma's eyes. She didn't have any money for a taxi, so she began walking. She estimated it was about three miles to the station.

I've walked further than that before, she thought, I just hope I can make it. Emma had walked barely forty paces, and already her steps were slowing down. The crowd was pushing in around her.

I'm a little confused...What happened? Clearly something bad happened between her and the Cab driver, and I feel like most readers would like more context regarding what happened between them. Although, the description is nice. Now we've a setting.

My mother used to work here." She realized aloud. Anne Wayne had slowly worked herself to the top until her journaling made the front page.

Anne Wayne? She's possibly related to Bruce Wayne?

"I know what that feels like, Miss." The gentleman kindly responded. Emma then quickly tried to change the subject. "Question for question, why did you drive a limousine to the View?"

"Pardon?"

"The Gotham View, the newspaper."

"Oh yes, sorry Miss, my mind has been on other subjects lately." He apologized. "I needed to put an ad in the paper, and I just happened to be driving this vehicle." Emma nodded. A silence ensued for the rest of the drive. Soon, they pulled right up to the front of the station.

"Thanks so much, Mr. . . "

"Oh, just call me Alfred." The elderly gentleman smiled.

"Thanks, Alfred." The girl smiled. Secretly, she was relieved she actually arrived, but she was also scared.
Emma pushed through the revolving doors of the station.

I'd still like a little more context, but still-this is a satisfying ending, and the appearance of Alfred is a bonus!
Aaand that concludes this review! I hope you found it helpful <333

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm baack...gonna jump right into it cause I must see what happened at the end of that last cliffhanger...xD

First Impression: Okayy...well...that cabby ended up being a little bit less sinister than I was anticipating thankfully, this poor girl really does need a break now to relax and process all that has happened to her...but ahh...we meet Alfred, and she made it to the station....I can't wait to see what that next chapter may hold.

Anyway let's get right to it,

"I know this city like the back of my hand. Don't need no teen telling me I'm wrong."

"I didn't say that!"

"You meant it." The cabby shrugged.

AHh...well we're starting right where we left off I see, this cab driver is certainly getting far too defensive to be just taking a different route.

"What! I want out!" Emma protested.

"Well, you're miles from where you need to be." The cabby pulled over. Emma quickly stepped out.

Hmm...uh oh, well, she made the right decision to demand to be let out, although whether this guy pulling over is going to end in something bad, or is he just going to leave her stranded in the middle of nowhere is now the big question.

"I told you that!" She slammed the cab door shut.

"I don't want you near my cab again, ever." The evil grin returned to the cabby's face. He swung his cab perilously in front of another vehicle. The driver leaned on her horn.

Aaaaan just like that he's gone...well...on one hand, she is probably a very injured person stranded miles away from where she needs to be, and on the other hand, she's no longer going to potentially get robbed.

"Ugh. Crazy cabby." Emma remarked. She turned and surveyed her surroundings. Tall polished skyscrapers surrounded her. Their windows glinted sun into Emma's eyes. She didn't have any money for a taxi, so she began walking. She estimated it was about three miles to the station.

Walking is safe enough...but hmm..in her condition that will be dangerous. Nice bit of description there as well there to set up the setting for this scene of the town. Certainly does help out for us readers to have a few bearings for where things are going down here.

I've walked further than that before, she thought, I just hope I can make it. Emma had walked barely forty paces, and already her steps were slowing down. The crowd was pushing in around her.

Oh dear, she doesn't look like she will make it at that rate.

She paused to take a breath. A familiar bell toll made her look up. Emma was in front of The Gotham View, the newspaper for commonfolk and high society alike.

"My mother used to work here." She realized aloud. Anne Wayne had slowly worked herself to the top until her journaling made the front page. Only one day she had suddenly been fired, there was no reason for it, except that the editor said their payroll had lessened and they had to cut down on expenses.

Aww...well that can't be a good set of memories to be flashing back to when you're stranded in the middle of nowhere...just a pretty terrible start to a day here for this poor girl.

Three days before my father was fired, and three days before my parents were killed. Emma thought.

Suddenly, someone slammed into Emma, roughly throwing her against a parked limo. It knocked the wind out of her, and she felt like her lungs were caving in. As she caught her breath, someone yelled at her,

"Watch where you're going!" Emma slowly sunk to the ground and buried her face in her hands.

Oh gosh....just a horrendous sequence there for poor Emma, she remembers the events leading up to her parents death and then gets slammed into a vehicle, and if I know anything about Gotham, whoever knocked into her probably also stole any belongings she had on here.

"I can't go on like this." She moaned.

"Are you alright, Miss?" A voice asked. Emma looked up. An elderly gentleman stood before her. He offered her a hand to help her up. His grip was surprisingly strong.

Hmm..elderly gentleman in front of an expensive...please..let this be who I think it is, cause this poor girl needs some help right now.

"I'm so sorry. Is this your car? I don't mean to be in your way." Emma said hurriedly.

"I know, I saw what happened." The gentleman said. "That thief slammed into you pretty hard, are you sure you're alright, Miss?"

"I'll be fine." Emma smiled. "But you think he's a thief?"

See...even he thinks its a thief, that has to be a thief, no normal person slams into you that hard and doesn't even try to apologize...

"Oh, I don't know much about these sort of things." He smiled, "Still, are you missing anything?"

"I have nothing to miss," Emma said simply.

Well...that just manages to sound like she's talking about more than just a wallet there, she has pretty much just lost everything that she ever cared about now that both her parents are dead.

"If you're going far, Miss, I can give you a ride." The gentleman said.

Be wary of strangers, Emma thought. She weighed her options: faint from the exhaustion of trying to walk three miles in poor condition, or, risk taking a ride from a stranger.

At this point, it would be safer to pass out from exhaustion in a stranger's car rather than on a random spot in the road where there's just no telling who might do what.

"Yes, I would like that," Emma decided. The man smiled.

"Alright, step in!" He said, and he graciously opened the door of the sleek, classy limousine.

Hmm...she did make the logical choice to make in that situation...that's good to see.

"Where to?" The gentleman said, after pulling from the curb.

"The Central Police Station, please," Emma responded. Her eyes wandered in awe around the inside of the spacious limo. Black posh seats were covered with real leather. It was suited for anything from celebrating to partying.

Hmm..nice bit of description there again...although...not sure about the word posh there, its a little awkward there...I think taking that out would make this description a tiny bit better, it just seems weird to me anyway...xD

Okay, it's not suited for much. Emma thought. But it's very elegant.

"I don't mean to pry, but would you be so kind as to tell me why you're headed there?" The man said. "Maybe family problems?"

"I guess that would be it, or the lack of them." Emma sighed.

Hmm...I suppose there's no other way for her to sum up the situation she's currently in.

"I know what that feels like, Miss." The gentleman kindly responded. Emma then quickly tried to change the subject. "Question for question, why did you drive a limousine to the View?"

"Pardon?"

"The Gotham View, the newspaper."

Hmm...I suppose she might as well try and change the subject, that can't be an easy thing to have to take about by any means. It's gotta be pretty painful to think about there.

"Oh yes, sorry Miss, my mind has been on other subjects lately." He apologized. "I needed to put an ad in the paper, and I just happened to be driving this vehicle." Emma nodded. A silence ensued for the rest of the drive. Soon, they pulled right up to the front of the station.

"Thanks so much, Mr. . . "

"Oh, just call me Alfred." The elderly gentleman smiled.

YES...My guess was right...wooohoo...I almost did a little dance at this, the story really is coming together here now isn't it?

"Thanks, Alfred." The girl smiled. Secretly, she was relieved she actually arrived, but she was also scared.

Emma pushed through the revolving doors of the station.

And so begins a new and if I know anything about where this might be headed, very exciting chapter of her life.

Aaaaand that's it for this one.

Overall: Overall, this was another awesome little chapter here. I'm really enjoying this story so far. Emma has been a pretty cool character so far, her personality is slowly being built up now, and I've read enough chapters to start commenting on things like that now..xD. I certainly hope you keep posting this story.

As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.

Stay Safe
Harry