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18+ Violence

The Final Kingdom

by TheFinalFighter35632


Warning: This work has been rated 18+ for violence.

[In the middle of a burning kingdom]

(As an enemy soldier stands over Cody ready to strike the finishing blow when out of nowhere an arrow hits the enemy soldier in the head.)

Zoe: Are you still alive?

Cody: Yeah, Thanks to you.

Zoe: Can you fight?

Cody: I do not know, but I will try.

Zoe: Then get off your ass and help me!

(Cody stands and draws his sword as Zoe notches an arrow in her bow)

Both: Charge!!!

(Cody swiftly dodges towards one of the Deathless. It raises its sword with ease and blocks his attack, the swords collide with great calamity and grind on each other. Meanwhile Zoe looses three arrows, one flys past Cody’s cheek grazing him and completely pulverizes a Deathless’s head. The other two shoot right through two Deathless’s chests. Cody notices a Deathless creeping up on Zoe, he realizes that he is too far to make it in time so he throws his Shi’aak steel sword piercing the Deathless in the center of it’s chest.)

Zoe: At least you are useful for something.

(He mimics her)

Cody: Thank you for saving me Cody.

Zoe: What was that?

Cody: Nothing...

(Many arrows are being shot, however one finds its way to Zoe’s leg. Cody rushes over and catches her right before she lands on the ground. Then Cody dashes over to shelter. He recoups and tells her to bite his sleeve. She does, and he yanks the arrow out with great force and she faints. As arrows land all around them he looks for a clearing to get them out of harm's way. He sees no openings to escape the barrage of arrows. He notices a house nearby and uses his sword to pry the door off its hinges. He quickly moves back to her. He grabs her arm and pulls her over his shoulder. He uses the door as a shield so that they can get to safety. After he has finally gotten them both to safety he drops the door and picks up the pace. He reaches a tunnel that leads to a base underground.)

[Family of Zoe: Charles-22 years Leah-19 years Zoe-18 years Timothy-16 years]

[Family of Cody: Shawn-19 years Cody-18 years Cainan-16 years Alexis(Nicknames (Alex)(lexi))-5 years]

Charles: What Happened, what did you do?

(Charles and Timothy Draw their swords)

Shawn: What’s your problem.

(Shawn and Cainan draw their swords)

Leah: Are you two that stupid if he wanted to hurt her he wouldn’t have brought her here. Let him put her down.

(They move to the side and Cody walks up to a table and gently lays her down. She wakes up and cries in pain. Cody reaches over and consoles her. She then notices the mark from the arrow on his cheek and looks for a bandage to help him.)

Zoe: I never did say thank you for that Deathless you killed from before. Also I owe you for saving my life again from the archers.

Cody: No problem. Anyone would have done the same.

Zoe: Still, thank you. I have a tendency to be cold to strangers.

Cody: No… You?

Zoe: Yeah...anyway. You must be starving. Do you want to get some grub?

Cody: Oh hell yeah!

(They then travel to the kitchen)

Charles: We should be safe here, we have plenty of food and water.

Cody: No we can’t just give up like that, they’re taking our home and you just want to sit here and let it happen.

Charles: a soldier like you… wait you are no soldier are you, you are just a peasant who picked up a sword, tell me are you a citizen or a soldier of Shi’aak.

Cody: You are right, I am no soldier. We were trained by our father, he taught us how to fight, too bad he wasn’t here to teach your soldiers.

(Charles places his hand on his sword.)

Charles: You should quiet down, little peasant.

(Shawn gets in between them.)

Shawn: Maybe you should back off bud, you hurt him, I hurt you.

Cainan: Who would have thought the two oldest of us are the most hot headed is this how man mature.

(Cody moves to Cainan and leans on the wall next to him as he smirks.)

Cody: Yeah looking forward to it little bro.

Cainan: No thanks.

Charles: How dare you treat a member of the royal family like that.

Cody: Wait.

Cainan: What.

(Charles draws his sword but by the time he gets it up Zoe pulls it out of his hand and throws it down.)

Zoe: That is enough!

Charles: Little sister.

Zoe: Dad would agree with him you know.

Cainan: Screw it we have your back Cody lets go.

Cody: Where is Alex.

Shawn: Don’t worry little Lexi is with mom we don’t have to worry about them. Are you ready to take our home back!

Both Cody and Cainan: Let’s do it!

(They start on their way out as Zoe Grabs a Shield and runs after them.)

Charles: Damn it Zoe.

Leah: Oh just come on.

(Charles, Leah, and Timothy follow behind them. Zoe catches up to Cody)

Cody: Why didn’t you tell me.

Zoe: Does it really matter.

Cody: No mostly just wondering why you didn’t.

Zoe: I Just Didn’t want to be looked at differently. Here take this I think enough has happened to your face today.

(She Hands him the Shield as he smirks at her.)

Cody: Yeah I would think so.

(She smiles back.)

{Location: kingdoms Gate}

Charles: Zoe that’s far enough you can stay back here and watch our backs, with your bow. There is no reason for you to get killed just because he thinks he is a lot bigger than he actually is.

(Cody and Cainan Look at each other and nod. Cody runs towards two deathless with Cainan close behind him, Cody knocks the first deathless down with his shield and kneels down plunging his sword through the deathless’s chest as the second runs up to Cody still kneeling down, Cainan sprints up his back as Cody thrust up launching Cainan up in the air as Cainan draws his sword and throws it down into the deathless’s chest before it reaches Cody. Three more deathless run up on them Cainan and Cody get back to back as two collide their swords with Cody’s sword and the other with Cainan’s. Cody is pushed back Relying on the support of Cainan as an arrow from Zoe takes out one of the deathless pushing Cody back, Cody slowly starts to push the deathless back until finally Cody and Cainan push off each other making the two deathless fumble back as Cody Spins slashing through the deathless’s chest in front of him, while Cainan Kicks the deathless in his path down to the ground and drives his sword through its rib cage. Cody reaches out his hand and helps Cainan back to his feet as Cody gets tackled by a deathless to the ground and within an instant Shawn pulls the deathless off of him throwing it down and driving his sword through its chest. They both help Cody back to his feet.)

Charles: So already starting to get pushed back kid.

Cody: Not at all.

(As the ground rumbles lightning strikes the gate destroying it. As many more deathless rush in a figure slowly lavitates down where the gate once stood.)

???: Bow to me you pitiful creatures.

(As everyone comes together)

???: Bow or die you worthless beings!

(Zoe and Leah stand together)

Zoe: You’re worthless ass! You’ve killed so many of us, fuck you!

Leah: Leave now or die!

(It laughs at them.)

???: I am the god Cindo little one and guess what.

Leah: I don't care who you are.

Cindo:(Laughs) Then you have chosen death.

(Cindo raises his sword and points it at Zoe and Leah as lightning starts to appear around it. Cody looks at his shield on the ground where he was tackled. He starts to head toward his shield within the same instant a bolt of lightning shoots from the sword to the girls. Cody’s shield being too far he turns around pushing the girls out of the way and taking the bolt dead on as it sends him back five yards, his feet leave trails in the dirt. Cody screams out in pain as the lightning starts to cover his body and his blue eyes start to glow.)

Cindo: What do you think you’re doing, just die like the little bug you are.

Cody: I CAN’T DIE... NOT LIKE THIS... I WON’T DIE!!!

(As Cody slowly raises his hand the moment he fully extends his arm towards the gate a bolt shoots from him killing nearly all the deathless. He collapses to the ground. The remaining deathless run towards him but Cainan makes it to him first. He puts up his sword when the deathless’s sword collides he loses his grip and his sword is thrown away standing there unarmed, the deathless raises his sword.)

To be continued...


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121 Reviews


Points: 21970
Reviews: 121

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Wed Apr 28, 2021 9:44 am
stygianmoon17 wrote a review...



Hi there :)

I saw this in the green room and am here to take it out of there :P more so since it's a really interesting story ! You got me hooked from beginning to end, and although it's a standalone chapter, I didn't feel like it needed something to follow it up. It works very well the way it is- a standalone.

The characters had great chemistry (in the way they interacted, not like for a relationship), and have very distinct personalities that work very well together.
You made a great job at introducing their dynamics as well as clearly master the art of screenplay. I was never confused by who was talking or what was happening. I still feel like this bit was unnecessary:

[Family of Zoe: Charles-22 years Leah-19 years Zoe-18 years Timothy-16 years]

[Family of Cody: Shawn-19 years Cody-18 years Cainan-16 years Alexis(Nicknames (Alex)(lexi))-5 years]



Unless it's vital to the plot, which in this case, it's not, there's no need to say what their ages are. We need to have a vague idea of what their ages could be, but there is no need to put their families as well as each of their ages, nicknames and all.
To make us understand they're family, maybe one could call the other "sis/bro" or "Dad/mum", and it would've been clear.

I also noticed how Deathless, which was written in capitals in the beginning, slowly shifted to lowercase.

You did a great job at ending your chapter, well, unless there's a follow-up. But the way it is works just fine. A nice hook to leave us wondering what could happen.

Can't wait to read more from you <33



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Thank you very much



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238 Reviews


Points: 23883
Reviews: 238

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Sat Apr 17, 2021 9:59 am
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi TheFinalFighter32632,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

A very exciting story you present here, which I don't think needs much development plot-wise. Firstly, as it's only the first chapter and secondly, I don't find anything lacking from the narrative and pacing. I think it's good that the story starts right in the middle of a certain frame story, and you can fall right in as a reader.
Especially with the literary style you use to make it seem scripted, I also think it's better than if there's a bigger introduction, especially because the genre doesn't entail long, slow narrative text either.

You've done a great job of presenting it as a kind of play, and I also like that you use different brackets to create a distinction between 'narrative' and 'plot'. This helps the reader to find their way around more quickly.

The structure of the dialogue, on the other hand, is a bit confusing because the name is on the same line as the spoken text. It would be better if you either put the name in bold (or something else) or put it on a single line. Bold or otherwise, you could also highlight the narration/place of action to make it stand out more from the dialogue.

[Family of Zoe: Charles-22 years Leah-19 years Zoe-18 years Timothy-16 years]
[Family of Cody: Shawn-19 years Cody-18 years Cainan-16 years Alexis(Nicknames (Alex)(lexi))-5 years]


I would put this at the very beginning, because you don't suddenly give such information to the reader during a narration of a script. If you put this in before the beginning, you already have a good overview of the characters, instead of being held up by it in the middle of the text now.

What I also like is how you introduce Cindo at the end, and only insert his name after he has introduced himself, to give the reader the same cluelessness that Zoe and co. have.
I also noticed that at the beginning, you capitalise Deathless, and as the text progresses, the term is only written in lower case.

In the plot itself, there are still a few things that I think you need to explain in the following chapter, but apart from that, apart from a few short descriptions of maybe the characters and what they look like, I don't find anything that needs to be changed.

Have fun with the writing!

Mailice.



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Thank you for being so kind I'll keep all this in mind.




We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master.
— Ernest Hemingway