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Project Oblivious

by Book_Dragon


Chapter 1 - Katrina

I smile to myself as I step into the teen section of the public library. I'm immediately relaxed, my shoulders dropping from my ears, my steps lighter, my smile easier. I'm home.

The bookshelves lining the perimeter of the room muffle the screaming in my head. The towering displays hide me from people's eyes. Here, I don't have to talk if I get hit with a nonverbal mood. I don't have to stand up and tell my class three things about myself, or share what I did over the summer every new period. I can just Be. 

Walking down an isle, I run my hand over the book spines, feeling the bump-bump-bump run through my arm. I love that feeling. I love books. My hand stops over a promising title, but I force myself to keep moving. I'm looking for something specific. Catching Jordan. I read it on my kindle a while ago, and really liked it. I just need an actual copy now, so I can really get into it. And so I can look back through the book to decipher all the football references. I like football about as much as Jane liked G when they first met in My Lady Jane. AKA not at all.

Anyway, I suppose I could ask a librarian for help finding this book, but I don't think I can without panicking right now. Besides, wandering through the shelves is way more entertaining.

I turn into the next isle and scan the titles in front of me. Nothing. I step forward, eyes locked on the books. My hand hovers in midair, twitching as I look. I glance down, checking the bottom shelf. My eyes flick to the left, and I see it. Grinning, I squat down, reach...

And slam my head into someone else's. 

CRACK!

"OW!" someone says.

"Christopher Columbus I'm so sorry! Sorry!" I say, blinking back stars as I stand up. "Are you okay? I'm so sorry! Ugh, I'm so sorry!"

"I'm good," the person says, standing up. "Sorry. Are you okay?" I blush and step back, staring at the ground. If I know this person, I will die right here. Whether I will die of concussion or embarrassment, though, remains to be seen.

"Yes. I'm okay. Sorry." I take a deep breath and look up.

Oh thank god. I don't know them.

It's just a regular guy. He looks about my age, with dark brown hair and blue eyes. He's wearing jeans and a white t-shirt, and he's about a foot taller than me, though about everyone is one to two feet taller than me, so no surprise there. But the most important part of this is, I DON'T KNOW HIM!

I can more or less relax again.

He just stands there. I just stand there.

I wait.


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Sun May 09, 2021 9:22 am
MailicedeNamedy wrote a review...



Hi Book_Dragon,

Mailice here with a short review! :D

I smile to myself as I step into the teen section of the public library. I'm immediately relaxed, my shoulders dropping from my ears, my steps lighter, my smile easier. I'm home.


You have written a good introduction, which gives the reader a better idea of Katrina, and one can already get a clear picture of what kind of person she is through these short sentences. Especially the last sentence "I'm home" is for me a strong expression of her personality.
I think it's good that you continue to develop this in the next section, so that you already know enough about Katrina in the first minute of reading so that you can picture her in your mind's eye.

Walking down an isle, I run my hand over the book spines, feeling the bump-bump-bump run through my arm. I love that feeling.


I love that sentence and think you presented and described it beautifully. :D

CRACK!


I don't know if Katrina is an egg person, but the sound for that clash seems a little like she broke something. :D That's just how it sounds like it hurts terribly.

If I know this person, I will die right here. Whether I will die of concussion or embarrassment, though, remains to be seen.


Katrina is one of those characters you rarely find as the title character, and that's what makes her likeable to me. She is terrified of social contact and only feels comfortable in the book world. As a result, she certainly has some definite strengths that become apparent in the next chapters.
I think it's fantastic how you presented Katrina in this short introductory chapter and one can already imagine her wonderfully in terms of character. My favourite part was how she talked about having read a book on her kindle but now wanting it in book form. Those are the little details that bring a story to life. Or even the moment when she thinks she might ask someone and thinks she's going to panic.

Oh thank god. I don't know them.


The story is told from her point of view and the reader can read more often that she is also thinking, but expressions like this I would put in italic to make it different from the actual text. After all, this thought is the result of an action, whereas the previous thoughts were not always.

He looks about my age, with dark brown hair and blue eyes. He's wearing jeans and a white t-shirt, and he's about a foot taller than me, though about everyone is one to two feet taller than me, so no surprise there.


The description of the boy is a bit thin and empty and I think you could add something there. Is there anything striking about him? His face or his shirt, for example?

You've added a little bit of humour, which I also like.

The chapter has a great reading flow and also starts the action right away. I liked it a lot and think you have a very good way of portraying Katrina! Keep up the good work!

Have fun with your writing!

Mailice.




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Tue Apr 06, 2021 8:17 am
NivedaJames22 wrote a review...



Hey!

Loved the Christopher Colombus ref...Does that have to do with Little Women???


I think there's an error in this line:

"Oh thank god. I don't know them."

Shouldn't it be him?


Also, in a couple of places, you have spelt it as "isles". I think you meant aisles.


I really loved this part. As an extremely short person, this is super relatable:

though about everyone is one to two feet taller than me, so no surprise there.


I also liked this part:

The bookshelves lining the perimeter of the room muffle the screaming in my head. The towering displays hide me from people's eyes. Here, I don't have to talk if I get hit with a nonverbal mood. I don't have to stand up and tell my class three things about myself, or share what I did over the summer every new period. I can just Be.


On the whole, sounds great.

Keep writing.




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Sun Apr 04, 2021 3:43 pm
NivedaJames22 says...



Loved the Christopher Colombus ref...Does that have to do with Little Women???

I think there's an error in this line:

"Oh thank god. I don't know them."

Shouldn't it be him?

On the whole, sounds great. Keep going.




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Sat Apr 03, 2021 5:38 pm
ForeverYoung299 wrote a review...



Hello!! Here for a review!!!

I smile to myself as I step into the teen section of the public library. I'm immediately relaxed, my shoulders dropping from my ears, my steps lighter, my smile easier. I'm home.

Is this person the protagonist?? As you are writing it in first person, are u the protagonist?? I really liked the fact where you described library as your home. I guess you are really fond of books.

The bookshelves lining the perimeter of the room muffle the screaming in my head. The towering displays hide me from people's eyes. Here, I don't have to talk if I get hit with a nonverbal mood. I don't have to stand up and tell my class three things about myself, or share what I did over the summer every new period. I can just Be

This was full of descriptions. I really liked this one. I have just one thing to specify, the last line. What do u mean by be?? Did u miss one myself after that? Or is it intentional.

Walking down an isle, I run my hand over the book spines, feeling the bump-bump-bump run through my arm. I love that feeling. I love books. My hand stops over a promising title, but I force myself to keep moving. I'm looking for something specific. Catching Jordan. I read it on my kindle a while ago, and really liked it. I just need an actual copy now, so I can really get into it. And so I can look back through the book to decipher all the football references. I like football about as much as Jane liked G when they first met in My Lady Jane. AKA not at all.

This was fabulous.

Anyway, I suppose I could ask a librarian for help finding this book, but I don't think I can without panicking right now. Besides, wandering through the shelves is way more entertaining.

This was also really good!!

I turn into the next isle and scan the titles in front of me. Nothing. I step forward, eyes locked on the books. My hand hovers in midair, twitching as I look. I glance down, checking the bottom shelf. My eyes flick to the left, and I see it. Grinning, I squat down, reach...

This was really cool!

Overall:
This was really good with vivid descriptions. I really adore the way you described all the people present in your story. By the way, what's the relationship of Christopher Colombus with the story?? It's a bit vague.
I suggest u to not write that last line.

Very good job!! Keep it up!!!

~Forever




Book_Dragon says...


Thank you for the review!



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Thu Apr 01, 2021 2:15 am
5h4d0W wrote a review...



Not really good with writing review especially when its quite short so here we go. So this is an introduction about the main protagonist and I already like her in the first paragraph because I can already relate myself with her. Someone who doesn't really like to have too much attention towards them and prefer to spend the time exploring the worlds from the books sitting on the shelves. Now, because its a bit too short there isn't much to point out so I will just wait for more. Its just a suggestion but maybe you could extend it a bit more by describing the weather, the time or her overall experience of the day that ultimately brings her to the library to get some escape time just to add more content to it. Overall, it's quite interesting.




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Wed Mar 31, 2021 9:48 pm
SageOctober wrote a review...



Hi! Sage here to write a quick review!

Firstly, nice first paragraph. You do a nice job of showing not telling with the description of how her body changes when she enters the library. The whole first half does a good job of introducing the character and her general personality.

The second half seems a little off. The whole thing about her not knowing him is a little confusing. Does she like not knowing him or not, and why? Some clarification would be nice, if you want to keep that in there.

You also say "I take a deep breath and look up." but also "I can breathe again." I'm not really sure what the second one is for.

Overall: Awesome premise, really nice first chapter!




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Wed Mar 31, 2021 6:59 pm
Book_Dragon says...



This is just my first draft. Give me anything that I can use to make this better so I can type up a longer and more pristine version later!





Everything has a consequence and every consequence leads to death.
— kattee