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E - Everyone

Yes that's me

by BrokenHeartsAri


Yes, that's me

Look and you’ll see

My hair is honey brown

My eyes are an empty blue

My arms have bruises from my past

My hands have small words reminding me

My heart has been shattered

I’m the broken e-girl

I never had alcohol

My friends-drifted away

I live somewhere we call hell

I hope you could understand

I dreamed to,let time control me

It’s all clear as can be.

That’s positively, absolutely me.


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38 Reviews


Points: 811
Reviews: 38

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Thu Apr 08, 2021 11:45 am
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NivedaJames22 wrote a review...



Hey!

For starters, I really liked how blunt you are. I've noticed that a lot of people (I plead guilty to this charge too! :) ) tend to exaggerate their own physical appearance when they write.

I really loved how you ended - there's something firm, absolute about that line, almost as if you're you and nothing anybody says can ever change that. I really liked that.

I also liked this line:

My friends-drifted away

I live somewhere we call hell

On the whole, I loved your poem. Can't wait to read more of your work!

Keep writing.






Thanks for the review!



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63 Reviews


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Reviews: 63

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Wed Mar 10, 2021 1:38 pm
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BhavyaMehta123 wrote a review...



Talking about the piece from a technical point of view. Its a well written and flawless one. Its short simple and conveys the idea so well. Loved this poem!!!
Lots of love to you, the girl who still smiles besides all the bruises. Who keeps going thriving and breathing. May you be filled with all the love the world has to offer. May you heal and feel alive.
Lastly keep writing and aspiring in life!!!
Best wishes
Bhavya






Thanks!



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8 Reviews


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Mon Mar 08, 2021 6:53 pm
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Jason20 wrote a review...



I love your poem it's good. You should do a another poem that describes yourself you did good with the poem do one about what you wanna be when you get older it would be nice so i hope we see a new one.
you need to one about your life have been we look forward to see one.

your poem was nice do one about how you started singing or whatever.

the you said about a broken girl that was a little sad to me.




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51 Reviews


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Mon Mar 08, 2021 5:15 pm
LilPWilly says...



This is well written and relatable.
My only question, what does the ‘dream let time control me’ bit mean?






Well The dream is basically things I wanted and I keep letting time control me(letting it pass by) so I won't be able to get what I really desire
I apologize if it was kind of unclear



LilPWilly says...


That%u2019s cool. If you put a comma in it would make sense. But that%u2019s a cool sentiment is what I mean. I hope you catch your dream. Speaking of, I have a blog for dream chasers on this site, you should check it out loll



Jason20 says...


hey your poemwas good





Thank you! I hope to see some of your work



LilPWilly says...


Ofc yonia.
@Jason20 which one?



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92 Reviews


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Mon Mar 08, 2021 5:09 pm
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illy7896 wrote a review...



I like this poem and the way that you have described yourself in a blunt and instructive manner, the physical and characteristical factors of your identity. Additionally, starting each line with 'I' and 'my' is effective in doing this. My favourite line was

That’s positively, absolutely me.


because being at the end it ties the whole poem together in an affirmative way.

However, with this line:

My hands has small words reminding me


it should be 'my hands have' or 'my hand has.'

Additionally, with this line:

I dream let time control me


I think that 'I dream to let time control me' would make better sense. Lastly, with

My friends they drifted away


could you add a dash between friends and they: 'My friends- they drifted away.'

These are all minor critiques and I enjoyed the style of this poem, good work.





Why do we only rest in peace? Why don't we live in peace too?
— Alison Billet