Young Writers Society

Hi RavenLord! I hope you remember me from my roleplay days all that time ago. It's definitely been a long time since we've run into each other, so allow me to jump into a quick review of your work today.

You introduced several heavy themes and ideas throughout this poem, and I enjoyed the way that you had a powerful command of words. You used strong verbs and descriptive and specific nouns, which crafted a compelling narrative packed with various themes. On the whole, it was a very well-done poem! Let's move onto some of my thoughts on things you could change to make your message more compelling.

First things first, I think your opening line was actually one of your weakest. It could be effective for you to begin the poem describing the roads, but thematically it was lacking, and the image you used wasn't terribly original. You could maybe describe a cold creek cutting across clay-dried roads, or dust settling on the well-worn road. You're far better at creating imagery than me, so I'll leave this up to your creative discretion, but some editing may be needed there.

Something else I noticed is that you brought in your narrative voice towards the end, which to me felt like a missed opportunity to develop some progression of that voice. Rather than this narrow view of the narrator, if you introduced it towards the beginning with the attitude of "I wonder these things as I sit on my porch" and end it with "I pretend to know these things", you've worked in a character arc to your story. And as a super tiny nitpick: Changing the word "know" (in the last stanza) to "understand" may have more of the effect that you're intending. Up to you, just wanted to point that out.

Finally, I understand that capitalization is a stylistic choice and that there is no correct way to capitalize in poetry, but I'd like to encourage you to give this article a read. Aley says this far better than I ever could and it's a highly worthwhile article, but I'll summarize its relevance to this poem real quick. Basically, capitalization has different effects on the reader, as I'm sure you know, and capitalizing every line can disrupt flow unless you're using meter or rhyme or another device to establish flow. Capitalizing the beginning of every sentence generally allows capitalization to fade into the background, which lets the reader sink into the poem's themes. Finally, opting for no capitalization creates a stream of consciousness, but it can be tricky to get the hang of, and it's not the best choice for every author. I'd suggest trying out some different styles and then figuring out which one accomplishes your goal for this poem the best.

Overall, this was an excellent poem with strong and well-incorporated themes and imagery. My main suggestions for you are to 1) improve your opening line, 2) rethinking when and how you bring in your narrator, and 3) re-evaluating your choices regarding capitalization. I hope these thoughts were helpful to you, and please feel free to reach out with any questions! It was good to interact with you again Enjoy the rest of your Sunday!

Best,
Tuck

quick question...I'm kinda confused about your title choice. Could you explain that?

Hello there, @RavenLord! It's Squire Vilnius, here to review your poem about Southern preachers and Willie Nelson XD

My first impression is just-- yes, this is Southern, you've done this so dang well, I almost used my drawl when I was talking to myself about how much I love this poem.

Ahem.

Moving on.

I really can't think of anything that you really need to improve on in this poem! Apart from a lack of commas (which I believe may have been intentional), there are no grammatical mistakes in this work. However, I do think that you should either add the commas or drop the periods for consistency.

I really like how you've incorporated modern history by mentioning that Mississippi is technically "flagless" at the present time. It really adds to your understanding of the South.

When you mentioned the magnolia tree, I thought of the movie Steel Magnolias and how the main character, M'Lynne, feels alone after her daughter's passing and overburdened by all the problems in her life. This memory really connected to your magnolia tree, and how it, the mockingbird, and the field all likely feel overwhelmed by the issues regarding racism.

All-in-all, this was an excellent poem! Have a nice #RevMo , and have a nice [*insert time of day here*]!!!