Hey Nanda! You have a fine ability to win hearts through poetry.
Why, if this isn't the mirror image of our very own hearts' desires. Besides, the fact that it is the first in Hindi is also overjoying.
Now, let's get to the poem
(pay no mind to my nitpicks if you don't like them:))-
"बेकैद सा होने को जी चाहता है,
चलो एक बार आसमान में चलें।"
The metaphor used here is really apt. No place like the sky to express the unbounded freedoms we aspire too much. I just thought, wouldn't it be better with उड़ें instead of चलें , because sure, we can walk on the clouds. I'm just not sure about doing that in the clear sky.
"जो कच्चे रास्ते हम पीछे छोड़ आए,
उस ओर आज यादें फिर से भागी हैं।"
These lines from the poem were clearly my favourite. The strong feelings expressed here is just too good for words. They make the reader emotional, and 'tis a thing that happens with everyone. Reminiscing about our past and recalling the fond memories of childhood- these things used here look like magic!
"उन महकती हुई हवाओं को एक बार
महसूस करने को जी चाहता है।
उन कुछ पलों की आज़ादियों से,
फिर रूबरू होने को जी चाहता है।"
A perfectly blissful ending! I'm really fascinated by your knowledge of urdu words. And the perfection with which they are used. These lines succeed in giving the poem a sentimental touch. However, I feel it would have been a teensy-weensy bit better if you could have concluded with the bonds and labours of adulthood. Something like a mild comparative analysis on the unrestricted freedoms of the past and lack of liberties of now. It would just give a fairer idea of what is in your mind that you wish to regain your freedoms? What is your situation- is it so compelling that you so desire to be free? Something like it. Like an epilogue of a novel. That's what I feel.
Otherwise, you've done a great job with your poem and I would LOVE to read more from you.
Regards
Points: 789
Reviews: 70
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