Of all the cuts, bruises
And lacerations
The wounds of love
Take the longest to heal.
The tears seem to flow
Forever, on and on
As each atom remembers
The bite of rejection.
Each moment is a reminder
Of the moments with him
Each friend is a reminder
Of your friendship with him.
That friendship is now
Dissolved in your tears
The memories like paper
Dropped in the ocean.
You watch them disappear
As you sink with the words
You thought you’d hear
But never did.
Even in his absence
He haunts you, the marks
On your mind
That will not be undone.
Your hands still
When they used to move
Your eyelids closed
When they used to be wide open.
Pull the curtain shut
The world may tempt
But you will stay missing
Gone.
Love is beautiful.But as beautiful as it is,it hurts like a gaping wound.When the one you love disappears from your grasp forever.Forever in your heart,yet no longer yours to love.Just..gone.I thought that this described the loss of a lover,a friend,a companion,a soulmate very well.How we all long for love.I hope that you will have a relaxing and calm day and night.
Hello there!
Your poem is nice. It's trying to evoke that loss of hope or despair due to heartbreak. It has a lot of potential in it.
I just have a few bits of concerns:
Your eyelids closed
When they used to be wide open.
The memories like paper
Dropped in the ocean.
Each friend is a reminder
Of your friendship with him
I hope you could bring much more clarity and imagery in your work. It would be great if you dig deeper on the feeling of despair and heartbreak. How much did it affect her lifestyle? Her actions? Her thoughts? Her motivation? I know you've tackled this but it is somehow on the surface.
Hello Em16! I'm here to review your poem!
This poem gives the reader a really touching depiction of heartbreak, and you use a lot of lovely imagery throughout. I particularly love the lines
Dissolved in your tears
The memories like paper
Dropped in the ocean.
As you sink with the words
You thought you’d hear
But never did.
Each moment is a reminder
Of the moments with him
Each friend is a reminder
Of your friendship with him.
Wow! that was well said. I love the broad emotions that you put into the poem. It is so true that the wounds of love take forever to heal. That sometimes they never heal, and they leave a scar. You might feel like you have disappeared but there is still at least of sliver of you left.
Hello, Em16 this is a beautiful and sad poem that i can relate to. Indeed nothing cuts worse than heartbreak. I like how you expressed the pain, esepecially these lines.
"The tears seem to flow
Forever, on and on
As each atom remembers
The bite of rejection"
And you counted the wounds of love perfectly and revealed them as cuts, bruises, lacerations that take place in your heart and that no one sees on the outside unless they are very wise and know the signs. And it also talks about hoe "Each friend is a reminder of your friendship with him" and i think that is true, that's why it's hard to remain friends with those people. When you said "The friendship is now dissolved in your tears" it really made me contemplate my past relationship with a guy. Although there were no tears, it still vexated me that he didn't want to remain friends, even though we started out as sorta friens. Your lines are really relatable. And "Even in his absence he hunts you, the marks on your mind that will never be undone" is another truthfull statement. After i stopped talking to that guy i started dreaming of him giving me roses...Even my dreams are cliche. And when you said "your eyelids closed when they used to be wide", i think it's because of the pain and suffering the heartbreak gives, whereas before someone may have been happy and wide-awake now their eyes are closed, shut tight.
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