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The Wounds of Love

by Em16


Of all the cuts, bruises
And lacerations
The wounds of love
Take the longest to heal.

The tears seem to flow
Forever, on and on
As each atom remembers
The bite of rejection.

Each moment is a reminder
Of the moments with him
Each friend is a reminder
Of your friendship with him.

That friendship is now
Dissolved in your tears
The memories like paper
Dropped in the ocean.

You watch them disappear
As you sink with the words
You thought you’d hear
But never did.

Even in his absence
He haunts you, the marks
On your mind
That will not be undone.

Your hands still
When they used to move
Your eyelids closed
When they used to be wide open.

Pull the curtain shut
The world may tempt
But you will stay missing
Gone. 


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39 Reviews


Points: 2334
Reviews: 39

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Sun May 31, 2020 12:14 am
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Katteex wrote a review...



Hello there!
Your poem is nice. It's trying to evoke that loss of hope or despair due to heartbreak. It has a lot of potential in it.

I just have a few bits of concerns:

Your eyelids closed
When they used to be wide open.


I don't know what this has to do with despair, in general. If you're in despair, you'd focus more on the thoughts, the emotions, maybe a little bit of action but I don't know what you're trying to say here. Is it oversleeping because you have no more energy to wake up? But the word "used to" is confusing. Is she now blind because she couldn't open them anymore? Or is it because the tears are too heavy? I hope you could bring clarity into this.

Next,

The memories like paper
Dropped in the ocean.


I searched it and the paper dissolves when it is submerged in water. Are you trying to say that she's losing her memories? She won't remember him anymore? If so, it'd be a bit contradicting to the lines prior to this like

Each friend is a reminder
Of your friendship with him


Because in this line, the memories vividly play in her mind and enact itself with the people that surround her.

Third,
The ending was a bit puzzling. I think you need to expound on it more through some bits of descriptions. What were you trying to say in the line "The world may tempt"? What did the world have to do with your heartbreak? How are you missing or gone when (reading through the hints) you just locked yourself up in your room?

That is all :) I hope you could bring much more clarity and imagery in your work. It would be great if you dig deeper on the feeling of despair and heartbreak. How much did it affect her lifestyle? Her actions? Her thoughts? Her motivation? I know you've tackled this but it is somehow on the surface.

Anyway, I hope my review has helped! I like reading a bit of angst so do tell me if you've edited this. You have a lot of potential so keep on writing!

Best regards,
Kattee x

P.S. If some words in my review were rude, I apologize in advance. Please also tell me so I could prevent phrasing it that way in the future




Em16 says...


Thank you so much for the feedback! I really appreciate it.



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211 Reviews


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Reviews: 211

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Thu May 28, 2020 1:00 pm
whatchamacallit wrote a review...



Hello Em16! I'm here to review your poem!

This poem gives the reader a really touching depiction of heartbreak, and you use a lot of lovely imagery throughout. I particularly love the lines

Dissolved in your tears
The memories like paper
Dropped in the ocean.

because they use unique and poignant language, and are just very beautiful to read.

You also do a wonderful job of fitting so much emotion into a relatively short poem. Lines such as

As you sink with the words
You thought you’d hear
But never did.

convey the bitter longing of the narrator in very few words.

Overall, my main critique for this poem is repetition. In the third stanza especially, I personally feel that there is too much repetition.
Each moment is a reminder
Of the moments with him
Each friend is a reminder
Of your friendship with him.


As you can see from the colour coded version above, a lot of the words repeat. I understand why you chose to do this, however I don't feel that this adds the intended emphasis, I think it just makes this stanza a bit boring. However, this is a personal preference and if you like it how it is, that is totally up to you.

But all in all, I really love this poem! It's very emotional, very simple, and very enjoyable to read. I hope this review was helpful, and if you have any questions, please ask!

Keep writing!

whatchamacallit




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Wed May 27, 2020 12:16 am
sweetpea6skeen says...



Wow! that was well said. I love the broad emotions that you put into the poem. It is so true that the wounds of love take forever to heal. That sometimes they never heal, and they leave a scar. You might feel like you have disappeared but there is still at least of sliver of you left.




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29 Reviews


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Tue May 26, 2020 6:55 pm
Beautifulsparkle wrote a review...



Hello, Em16 this is a beautiful and sad poem that i can relate to. Indeed nothing cuts worse than heartbreak. I like how you expressed the pain, esepecially these lines.

"The tears seem to flow
Forever, on and on
As each atom remembers
The bite of rejection"

And you counted the wounds of love perfectly and revealed them as cuts, bruises, lacerations that take place in your heart and that no one sees on the outside unless they are very wise and know the signs. And it also talks about hoe "Each friend is a reminder of your friendship with him" and i think that is true, that's why it's hard to remain friends with those people. When you said "The friendship is now dissolved in your tears" it really made me contemplate my past relationship with a guy. Although there were no tears, it still vexated me that he didn't want to remain friends, even though we started out as sorta friens. Your lines are really relatable. And "Even in his absence he hunts you, the marks on your mind that will never be undone" is another truthfull statement. After i stopped talking to that guy i started dreaming of him giving me roses...Even my dreams are cliche. And when you said "your eyelids closed when they used to be wide", i think it's because of the pain and suffering the heartbreak gives, whereas before someone may have been happy and wide-awake now their eyes are closed, shut tight.





In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: it goes on.
— Robert Frost