Hey 2stareyes! I'm here to review your story! 
I think my favorite part about this chapter of your story is the little twist at the end. I didn't see that coming! I thought maybe it was going to be your typical "main-character saves the day" situation but then it turned out the boy was faking, which makes things all the more interesting! And I'll tell you why - it's because it raises more questions about your main character, Star! While it's clear from the dream/flashback in the beginning that Star has some kind of checkered, troubled past being separated from her father, and now living in a lost city of outcasts, we don't really know all the details, so we had no reason to believe someone might be looking for her, nevermind with evil or mischievous intent.
Can't wait to find out who Star really is! Or if this boy is just playing games and messing with her 
.
One of the things I'd like to echo though is building off what Josie said in the previous review. Josie had a lot of great questions to give you starting points, but I think even some of those questions don't have to be answered right away. While I'd love to know more about how the city of outcasts works, I also want to know just... what do things look like? What's her friend Jonathan look like? What about Star herself? Or her father?
There's a lot of different things you could describe and explain, but that doesn't mean you have to describe everything. Finding a balance between too little and too much description is hard, and I know I, as a writer, am still figuring it out too! That said, adding more descriptions would help not only strengthen your story but it would also help the reader be able to engage more with it. One of the beautiful things about descriptions is that it gives the reader a springboard for their imagination. If you tell us there's a forest, we might have a vague idea of what different forests look like. But if you tell us Star's dog Tokaita comes bounding out of a pair of twiggy, dry bushes, then that tells us maybe the forest is drier, and not as lush as we might've imagined at first. I know for me, it helps me to be able to be on the same page as you and feel more immersed in the story!
As I was reading through, I also realized there were a few spots where you punctuated dialogue incorrectly. This link has a really short and easy explanation on how to do different types punctuation with dialogue if you want to give it a quick look! I know it can be tricky - I still get confused, sometimes too.
But, with all that said, I think you have the pieces of a cool story here, they just need a little meat put on the bones to fill it in and give it more life!
I think that's all from me today, but let me know if you have any questions about my review or if you want any more help or pointers! Also, if you post the next chapter to this, tag me in the comments! I'd like to review it and follow along!
Blessings <3
-sound
Points: 3255
Reviews: 174
Donate