Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

And it is Day 2 of reviewing this one. We shall see how far we get.

First Impression: Some character development again. And lovely way to build up the story. I love how this story balances its humor so well while allowing the seriousness of the situation to still shine through.

Before long he was wriggling out the window, silently shimmying down the rope in the early morning sun. Nobody was out yet as he jogged into town to use one of the privies on the communal row. Nobody was ever up this early in Resador, so he was never in danger of bumping into any fans of his act who might be bemused to see him in the simple linen vest and shorts he slept in.

His mother had told him before she went back up north that the spidetta was all they had left of his father. He hadn’t included this in the song, but the people who took his father had, according to his mother, been willing to negotiate once he returned his loot. But he hadn’t quite been ready to give up all the wonders he had found. Simone had ended up in his mother’s hands after she’d been allowed in to see him, and now she was Buck’s secret.

Buck took a deep breath and cartwheeled through the front entrance of the palace. The thick strips of carpet that criss-crossed over the smooth marble of the lobby was soft under his hands, the dazzling chandeliers on the high ceiling whizzing past his vision. He landed on both feet at the same time, knees bent, then extended his arms into the air as he straightened them.

Pires picked up a handful of crinkling yellow sheets, one of them coming apart in her hands. “Oh, dammit. Well that was the New Beldon Courant. All these periodicals – oh, Buck, they’re a gold mine. This feud between the Queen and Prince Erson has been rumbling on for months – years!” She looked up, frowning. “You’re not cackling.”

“You heard?” Buck asked. What, did Simone snitch on me?

Buck stepped forward and collapsed down in the chair opposite Pires. “You’re the woman with the red stripes, standing up the back of the tavern last night. You came to my show.”

“Ah, you were upset.” Pires waved a hand in the air. Buck tensed, wondering if that was going to be the end of the conversation, and swallowing the rest of what he’d been able to say. But then Pires said, “It’s understandable.”

Then Buck let go of her hand, moving his gaze down to the desk. He picked up one of the papers. “So, what are we up to today?”

Pires ran her fingers along the titles of some of the pages, exclaiming when she found the one she wanted. “Well, I am going to go meet Prince Erson and the Queen in the meeting hall. You are going to get caught up on your research starting with this.” She handed him the Morning Star broadsheet. “Then I’ll need you up in the meeting hall rafters within twenty minutes.”

I read this like two days after you published it but I am also very slow.

1. The reveal of the duchess is super cute! I agree with Jabber on that. But also, I feel like that's the kind of thing that you could put off until much later. I mean, unless you're planning on not having a few more performances in this story. But I think the emotional payoff would be greater if you had waited.

2. I literally just had a class about plumbing fixtures this week and I found the communal privies very funny, even if they are maybe not actually that funny.

3. Obviously we have seen Bucket's treehouse before, but I love the little details about how its history and construction affect his daily life. I'm not sure how much you could get away with before you started bogging down the story, but it'd really fill out the setting (and worldbuilding!) if you include details like that about the palace and other settings too.

Also, given that history plays an active role in the plot of the story, it could be a good place for some foreshadowing.

That's it for now! Uhhh hopefully now that I'm not competing in LMS I'll be able to catch up. Until next time!

-Vento

OH MAH GERRRRD WE SCHEMIN' BOISSSS

This was overall a good transition from the song to the next day's adventures. I'm super stoked to see Pires' plan in action. Plus, there was much needed reflection in this segment. After reading through Buck's song and receiving the Duchess' news, Buck had a lot to think about, and we really wanted to get into his head about it all. So this was a good spot to do it!

So the way you revealed the Duchess/woman-with-red-paint was pretty awesome. I didn't guess it was the Duchess until the Duchess mentioned she had heard the song. It was an AHAOMG moment that worked extremely well. The narration handled it smoothly by listing the woman-with-red-paint with other notable figures he saw in the crowd, so it was very nonchalant and not at all suspicious. And of COURSE the Duchess would reveal she was in the crowd now because it was a unique performance by Buck that actually talked about her, a major part of his life. So this was all very well done and I loved it.

Simone was adorable here. I was like yes, yes this is Buck's family and they deserve each other. She was SO CUTE. I was a little confused when reading the paragraph backstory involving Buck's mother. In a way, it sounded like the spidetta was among the loot his father had retrieved, therefore part of the negotiation that fell through (i.e., they didn't give the loot in return for Buck's father, and Simone was part of that loot). I wasn't quite sure though 'cause it didn't explicitly say that, so I only came to that hypothesis based on context. It's definitely heart-warming and bittersweet, though, to hear that Simone used to belong to his father, and his mother had Simone during the transition from father to Buck. Talk about a family pet!

I noticed somewhere the narration said Buck was nervous, and I wonder if he was nervous simply because he had been thinking about everything so much that his anxiety is now worked up about it all and didn't know what to expect out of today? As far as he knew, at that moment, the Duchess didn't hear his song, so I don't think it was that, or maybe he was seriously considering singing it to her. He was hiding his anxiety from the guards, though, so I can only think it was due to overthinking and not knowing what today would bring as a result.

But this heart-to-heart between Buck and the Duchess was so good to see. This really gives us a good look at their relationship and how open they are with each other. The Duchess shows a lot of concern and care for Buck, and Buck generally seems comfortable around her, and they know each other well enough to have this kind of discussion. Plus, they jumped right back into scheming as if nothing had changed.

EEEEE I'm excited to see this. I can only imagine what they'll do and how upset Prince Erson will probably be. That stick-up seems to not know the definition of fun. XD I'M EXCITED!

Jabber, the One and Only!

hello, it's my first time reviewing so I hope you bare with me.
I like the story line, there's flow to it but there's a little correction to be made.
When he got back to his tree house he was sitting in front of his dresser... two cheery old men who always shouted for love songs, a woman with red stripes painted own(I find this should be on) her face, who always wore make-up like that, a group of young kids that(considering the fact that the kids are human I suggest who could replace that) hung out with Rydone'z brother playing music all day long.(I also can't tell if this is a question to himself about who wore make-up like that so I suggest a question mark at the end of the sentence.)
2.Even Misene and Rydone had understood, comforting him all the way home to his tree house.(all the way home to his tree house suggests that Buck lives in a tree house which I find a little odd,perhaps all the way home from his tree house.)
3.Buck rubbed the back of his neck."sorry. weird night last night.(repeating night twice in the same sentence made it a little less sounding, so maybe sorry,last night was a weird one.)
that's all. thanks for reading my first review and hope you give your opinion about it.