Young Writers Society

That was amazing and well written! Now on to the review...

"The creaking of the steps the coldness in the air a grim forewarning" - It needs commas. Try "The creaking of the steps, the coldness in the air, a grim forewarning,"

"Fading slowly the light disappears and deeper in the hole I seep" - another comma needed. Try "Fading slowly, the light disappears in the hole I seep".... but then is it "seep" or "seek", or "sleep"? I feel a typo there.

"Ever shadow cast on the walls seem my only friend" - just a typo. Should be "Every shadow"

And for the end line, I think that the way you ended it was rather interesting, and in its current state a bit abrupt, but I think if you added an ellipsis ("...") then you would make that ending very... suspenseful.

Super job!

Wow. This is impactful. My attention was caught in the first line and it didn't stop until after the last one. This is seriously good stuff! A couple editing suggestions. First "crumbling urn." Doesn't seem accurate. Unless the urn is actually crumbling. From what I gather, the urn is a stark reminder of what you have lost and seeing it rubs that in. If I'm not correct, ignore this suggestion. I would maybe use a different adjective for it such as cold, still urn or something like that or completely different it's completely up to you. Second, the line "Now here the only sound is that of mourning" doesn't flow well. Maybe think about: Now the only sound is that of mourning or now the only sound I here is mourning. Again, completely up to you. And I love, love, love the end. Thank you so much for posting!!!!! Can't wait to read more!!!!!!

- hermione2001

Legacy here for a review.

I love the content here, I just have a few nitpicks that could be changed (but don't necessarily have to).

It would be easier to read if you were to have stanza breaks when you change directions (I know with an ABAB pattern it is hard to do breaks based on direction, but it would be better in my opinion than having no breaks. It feels rushed overall).

It would also be helpful if you were to use punctuation according to natural pauses.

Other than that, I love the language that you use here. It is very powerful the way you describe this pain.

Hopefully the tips on stanza breaks and punctuation helps this go to the next level. Legacy out.

Hi there!
This is a really good poem! You have definitely got talent. I love how this poem is so understandable and easily felt.
The last sentence felt a little awkward to me, the rhythm felt a little messed up.
I would try something like this:
"He welcomes me into his arms and
I went peacefully away with him."

To me, it flows a little better. That was all!