Hello, DragonsDeep ~
So, I understand that this is a fan-fiction and you may be writing with characters already established in the Fairy Tail universe, but as an outside reader reading your piece as a standalone, this was very confusing to me.
First of all, there are a ton of characters in this short and it was incredibly difficult to keep track of who was who. The first four lines of dialogue were each voiced by their own new characters, and so it quickly became very difficult for me to keep track of who was who. In fact, I never felt like I actually ever figured out who was who. The names were just dropped in the text with no context of introduction to any of them, and because there were about six or even more characters, even if you did introduce them all, I still would have had a lot of trouble keeping them straight.
So in order to fix this, I would highly recommend you slow down this piece a lot. Give us a bit of time between introducing each character. Also, another issue that this had was that many of the characters sounded very similar and weren't that distinct in nature. This is easier to do with smaller numbers of characters, but try to write them to make it easier for their personality to shine through and make them more memorable to the reader.
Also, I am confused about the name Y/N? While reading this, it was confusing to me, but it just occurred to me that this could mean "Your Name"? Which is still confusing and not very conventional in my opinion.
Finally, I feel like the events of the chapter were kind of all over the place. I know it started off with something about magical outlaws and a debate between punishing them and letting them go, but then it devolved into ... I'm not entirely sure what happened. This kind of goes back to my advice about slowing it down. By adding more to the characters, you can expand the events out more and make clear, logical transitions between different events throughout the story.
I think this overall needs a lot of work. It was difficult and confusing to read, so my overall advice is to just slow the pacing down.
Best of luck writing ~
- Wolfe
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