z

Young Writers Society


12+ Violence

Glowpeak Academy- Chapter Two

by SubSubLibrarian


A bright yellow school bus made its way through the calm and busy streets of the Pelham, New York. The town was only a few miles from city, but it would have been hard to tell. A dozen miles and such a different atmosphere, especially in the streets. It was the first day of school, the first in a long series of bus rides to school. The bus driver had learned in previous years to pay little attention to the kids sitting behind her. She ignored a sixth grader in the fourth row who was giving his sleeping seatmate a wet willy. The other boy jerked awake and stuck his tongue out at his hysterical friend.

“You freaked out,” said the boy, giggling and gasping for air. “You should’ve seen your face! Funniest thing.”

The sleepy boy grumbled a few choice insults at the laughing boy and began to fall asleep again. The other boy stopped laughing. He slumped into his seat and sighed in exasperation.

“You know, Charles,” he said, “you can be so boring sometimes. I have no idea why everyone thinks you’re so cool.”

“Well,” he mumbled, “you could argue that it’s interesting to people how boring I can be. I mean all people can’t be as boring as I am. Take you for example. If you weren’t interested in my boringness, would you really still be talking to me?”

“I was being sarcastic.”

Charles smiled. “I know.”

The bus stopped in front of Pelham Middle School and the doors opened. Students filed onto the sidewalk one by one. Charles grumbled as he followed his seatmate off the bus.

“Maybe I’m so boring because I never get a decent amount of sleep. I would probably entertain you more if you’d let me take my morning nap instead of trying to clean my ears out.”

Charles’ friend rolled his eyes and led the way into the school building. The boys were about the same age and were both starting middle school, but Charles was a grade above his friend. He had been given the opportunity to skip sixth grade at the end of the previous year. At first he had been hesitant, but his twin sister, Veronica, had finally convinced him that it would be best for him. They’d still be able to hang out. Veronica caught up with the boys as they pushed their way through the clogged hallway.

After greeting them she made a face. “I don’t get why boys and girls can’t sit in the same seat on the bus. It’s so unfair. It’s sexist.”

“Maybe they’re afraid we’d start making out,” said Charles’ seatmate, making kissy faces at Veronica.

“Oh, you are such a fifth grader, Paul,” said Veronica. “Why would I be making out with my brother anyway?”

“I just meant generally,” said Paul. “And in case you’ve forgotten, we were all fifth graders a few months ago.”

Veronica snorted. “Yeah, and the difference between you and I is that you still act like one.”

Paul looked as if he was going to protest, but before he could, Veronica turned to Charles.

“The bell’s gonna ring soon and I’ve gotta get this idiot to homeroom.” She smiled. “Have fun in seventh grade.”

Charles nodded and waved, watching as Paul and Veronica walked to their homeroom class arguing. Then he turned around to ascend the staircase to the second floor, where the seventh and eighth graders had most of their classes. He didn’t really have any friends in seventh grade. He had left them all behind in sixth grade. All meaning Paul and Veronica, of course. Even though it had only been a month, and he still hung out with her at home and in their Spanish class, Charles could feel himself drifting away from his twin already. It made him sad because they had always been so close, but he felt there was nothing he could do about it.

Sometimes he regretted his decision to skip sixth grade. He might have been on the same academic level as most of the seventh graders, but socially he was far behind them. He had not had as much time as they had to gain social experience. In that way he was still a sixth grader. That’s what set him apart from from every other student in the seventh grade.

Charles sat through homeroom silently. He was surrounded by older kids, all of whom were in the middle of conversations. A pair of boys were talking about the last football game. A pair of girls were discussing their love lives. Charles listened to a particularly interesting conversation about a toad someone had set loose on their sister as a practical joke. The story included the girl’s reaction and the unfortunate fates of both the toad and the girl’s brother.

Charles’ first period class science passed in a similar fashion, although he had work to distract him from loneliness. His Algebra teacher lectured the second hour class on the Pythagorean Theorem. There was almost no conversation, so Charles didn’t have to think about Veronica and Paul and how much they were enjoying themselves on the floor below. Even better was the fact that he didn’t have to think about how little he was enjoying himself without their company.

When the bell rang for third hour, Charles practically jumped out of his chair. His third hour was Spanish, the only class he had with Veronica. He raced down the stairs, leaving the monotony of his first classes far behind him. The Spanish classroom was tucked into a small corner of the lower floor and right next to the sixth grade English classes. Veronica, who had English second period, always arrived first, so Charles was not surprised when she jumped out at him as he entered. She’d been doing this for a week already in an attempt to get the better of him. After the first couple of days he had grown to expect it and therefore adopted the most bored expression he could find.

“Hey Niki,” Charles sighed.

Veronica frowned. “Can’t you at least pretend to be scared?”

“Are you sure that would be better than my honesty?”

The twins smiled at each other and took their seats at the front of the room. The bell rang almost as soon as they sat down. The classroom was full of talkative children, but silence fell when their teacher, Senora Gonzales crossed the threshold. Thirty students stared blankly at the thin, gray-haired, dark-skinned woman. She was an imposing figure, one that demanded respect, and that’s what made her students sit quietly and obey her orders.

"Let's get started," said Senora Gonzales. "We will be taking a unit test tomorrow. Today you will partner up and help each other study. If there is any unrelated discussion, you will be studying with me after school. Vamos. Get to work."

Charles and Veronica had just begun to quiz each other when a sharp noise blared over the intercom. The vice principal's voice was heard soon afterwards.

"We are having a lockdown. This is not a drill. We ask that all teachers follow standard lock down procedure. I repeat this is not a drill."

Senora Gonzales directed her students to a corner of the room that could not be seen from the door. They all sat down with their backs to the window and Senora Gonzales locked the door and turned off the lights then came to sit among the students. One of the students closed the blinds. Charles and Veronica stared at each other, startled. Veronica pointed at the window. They both turned towards it and peeked through the blinds. Senora Gonzales, who was trying to get another student to settle down, didn't notice.

They could see a dark figure stumbling in their direction. Charles slowly looked up into the face of the figure. It's Misty eyes bored into him. They seemed to Pierce straight through to his brain, freezing him in place. He was sure the figure, the creature, whatever it was, hadn't seen him, but he couldn't seem to move a muscle. He could hear her starting to choke. All of a sudden, Senora Gonzales' voice snapped them out of their trance.

"Charles Brooks! You get away from that window right this minute," she said, looking furious. "If someone sees you, I don't want to imagine the consequences we would all have to face."

Charles and Veronica dropped the blinds and scooted away from the window. Veronica quietly gasped for air and stared at her twin in amazement. Charles was staring at the in confusion at the window.

"Charles," Veronica whispered, "what was that?"

Charles didn't answer; he just kept staring at the window. After a few minutes he broke his gaze and looked back at his twin.

"If a gunman was here, why would we sit in wait for him to attack us?" He asked.

Veronica pointed at the door. "He won't be able to tell if we're in here because he can't see us from the door."

Charles shook his head. "Where do students usually go on weekdays? To school. To class. Anyone with a brain would know lockdown procedure, so the gunman would already know we're sitting here, in this exact corner.

Veronica stared. "Does it matter? That obviously wasn't a gunman."

"It reminded me of something, but I can't remember..."

"It looked human and inhuman at the same time. How is that possible?"

Charles glanced curiously at his twin. "Maybe it's a magical creature. You know, like from Harry Potter or Fablehaven?

"The only thing that it resembled from Harry Potter," said Veronica, "is an inferius. Like a zombie.

Charles closed his eyes and reviewed the image of the creature he'd seen. The blind eyes that looked like thick fog, the shambling feet, the pale skin, the dark circles under the eyes, the wrinkled lips, the clumpy hair. The nose had looked almost normal and so had the ears. The arms had just hung at the creature's sides, swinging back and forth as it moved. The creature had strangely excellent posture, like a child learning to walk. There was no way Charles could really be sure of this, but it had also seemed to have an acute sense of hearing and smell.

Charles opened his eyes. "That's not how I'd picture a zombie, but I guess it's possible. I mean when has anyone ever actually seen a real zombie? It's not as if the creators of plants vs. zombies or Minecraft would've been able to make an accurate representation of something they'd never seen."

"It did look kind of like how I'd imagine inferi and it looked similar to the Warm Bodies zombies."

As the danger presented by the existence of zombies finally dawned on them, Charles looked at Veronica grimly.

"I guess now is the time to ask ourselves if we're ready for the zombie apocalypse."


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461 Reviews


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Tue Aug 20, 2019 3:01 am
Horisun wrote a review...



What's that? On the Horisun? It's a... it's a... Review Incoming!
First, I want to just say, you have peaked my interest indeed. The characters already seem to have unique and diverse personalities that could bounce off one another very well! I can't wait to see what happens next!
However, I just want to say, lockdown DRILLS at my school get students to hush, and freeze up a bit, even when we know it's just a drill, they announced that it wasn't a drill, and these students just calmly walk over to the corner, it seems.
Also, you seem to do a whole lot of telling in this, you tell us he's sad, you tell us he's happy, but your readers could be a lot more invested if you show us. "He drooped." "He stiffened," "There were tears in his eyes" Let your readers put two and two together.
One last thing, this chapter seems to jump around a lot, and you lost me for a moment when part of the week passed, for a moment, I thought it was still the first day.
Other than that, I really liked this, you definitely hooked me, and I'll read the next chapter tomorrow! Keep writing!




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Sun Sep 16, 2018 11:20 pm
niteowl wrote a review...



Hi SubSubLibrarian! Niteowl here doing some catchup reading and reviewing.

I like the description and dialogue of the bus ride. It feels pretty realistic.

It seems sort of strange to me that Charles skipped a grade but his twin didn't.

"We are having a lockdown. This is not a drill. We ask that all teachers follow standard lock down procedure. I repeat this is not a drill."


This got me wondering what an actual lockdown announcement sounds like, so I looked some up and it sounds like they go for more neutral, plain language, regardless of if it's a drill or not. It will be obvious it's not a drill because the staff would know if any drills were planned.

I'm confused as to what prompted Veronica and Charles to look out the window in the first place, other than a dark shadow, which wouldn't be weird in a dark classroom.

It's Misty eyes bored into him. They seemed to Pierce straight through to his brain, freezing him in place. He was sure the figure, the creature, whatever it was, hadn't seen him, but he couldn't seem to move a muscle. He could hear her starting to choke.


The random capitalization is distracting. I'm not sure who "her" is in the last sentence. Veronica? I feel like there should be more description here. This is the pivotal moment of the story. Without this sighting, the story doesn't exist, and yet, it's over so quickly. I think there should be a little more description, especially since the kids are so convinced it's real. Actually I take that back, since I just re-read Charles's more detailed description later on. I think that placement makes sense because the initial sighting would be brief.

I find it surprising that the kids go straight to "this is not a human". I feel like they're at an age between the wild imagination and gullibility of a young child and the more rational adulthood, so I would expect at least some attempt to reason with what they'd just seen. Maybe it was a really good costume. Maybe they're so freaked out by the prospect of a shooter that they're seeing things.

Also, this conversation goes on for a really long time in the middle of a lockdown. I feel like the teacher would shut them up quickly and they'd have to discuss things after the lockdown was over.

Overall, I like the dialogue and the pacing of the scene. Keep writing! :D






Thanks! Those are some very good points. I think administration would generally try to regard twins as individual students to avoid problems with education. People are so different from each other, even twins, at least all of the twins I know. And I'm not really sure anyone would study up on how to announce a lockdown in a real emergency situation. I could ask some people though.



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Thu Jul 12, 2018 4:15 pm
ChristenedPages wrote a review...



Yay! I'm glad to be reading Chapter Two- I've been meaning to read more, but I just haven't the time.

Wonderful character-building. I especially like how easy and witty the dialogue is. I'm exited to see how everything plays out (especially since I already know the key points of TKAZ lol). I'm already invested in all your character's and their lives (even Paul).

I'm not very good at reviews- sorry. I am looking foreword to reading this! I like Charles' relationship with Veronica and how at this point the readers are left in the dark about how everything is connected with Chapter One.

Fun stuff!




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Sun Apr 01, 2018 2:37 am
Nobunaga wrote a review...



Hello again!

In light of this chapter two, I can't help thinking that chapter one should have been a prologue. But, that's strictly opinion. I actually really liked this chapter! It was nicely written and I think a step above your previous ones in terms of descriptive elements and whatnot. Very well done.

I still don't know which of these characters is the baby that was left on the doorstep. I'm willing to bet we haven't even met them yet. At first I was thinking it was Charles, but that wouldn't make sense considering that he's a twin and there was only one baby in the basket. I've gotta admit that I'm loving how that's still a mystery - along with all the other mysteries going on.

I'm also still not sure if Zombies are a thing that everyone knows about in this world. In the first chapter I thought it was common knowledge, now I'm thinking otherwise. Either way, I like that way your introduced the zombie to the story. I feel like that's how people would actually react to something like that if they've never heard of zombies before - just locking down and assuming it's some sort of shooter.

Okay, now let's move on to some points.

“Maybe they’re afraid we’d start making out,” said Charles’ seatmate


I feel like, at this point in the story, Paul has been referred to as "Charles' seatmate" too many times. I think it would be less strange and jarring if you would just address him by his name.

She’d been doing this for a week already in an attempt to get the better of him.


When I first read this I was really confused. I thought that we were still reading about the first day of class because there was nothing to suggest that they day had ended or that any amount of time had passed. If you want to do a time skip, I would suggest making it a little more obvious.

He could hear her starting to choke.


Also, here I was under the impression that Charles was the only one looking out of the window. I'd no clue that Veronica had followed him there. Whenever I read this, I thought you meant the zombie was choking lol I was like Charles has some excellent freaking hearing. And then I thought that Charles was the baby in the basket and was actually some sort of zombie-human-hybrid-thing but I kept reading and my theory was shot down pretty quick xD Basically, I would just make sure that you're clearly announcing all of the character's actions and stuff so dummies like me can follow along.

The creature had strangely excellent posture, like a child learning to walk.


And, lastly, I don't know a single child who had excellent posture while learning to walk. This is just a weird comparison.

And that's all I have! I did really enjoy this chapter more than the first one. Not that the first one was bad! I just feel like I have a better sense of your world and your characters. Plus some zombie craziness is about to go down and I'm, 100 percent here for that! I can't wait for the next one!!




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Fri Mar 30, 2018 8:37 pm
GrayButterfly wrote a review...



Hello! I really like this story concept. Zombie stories are always fun to read! Also, it's cool to hear a story from a middle school student's perspective. A lot of stories that I've read recently have much older characters, so it's refreshing to see young characters. I'd like to point out some things I enjoyed about this chapter and some things I think could be improved. I have not yet read the first chapter, so that may play a part in some of the review.

I really enjoyed the diction you used when the lock down began: "...a sharp noise blared..."
"It's Misty eyes bored into him. They seemed to Pierce straight through to his brain, freezing him in place." (You've got a capital 'P' in here that should be lowercase :)) I also liked your word choice when describing the zombie when Charles was going over it in his memory.

There are also moments in your sentence structure that make the characters feel more real and creates suspense: "One of the students closed the blinds. Charles and Veronica stared at each other, startled. Veronica pointed at the window. They both turned towards it and peeked through the blinds." These short sentences create a sort of sound like a clock ticking or heavy breathing, which promotes suspense. However, the word 'blinds' sounds funky when used twice, and you could probably get away with not using it the second time, but don't take my word for it. When you described the zombie you used longer sentences, which makes sense when describing things. The description was also chopped into pieces with commas, and this also promotes suspense.

When reading through, I found some grammatical errors. But the things that really distracted me from the reading were the characters. I see that this is a second chapter, and perhaps I missed something from the first, but is the twin Niki? Who does he belong to? I'm just confused because throughout the story you mentioned a twin, and then Veronica scares Charles as he walks into Spanish class, and he greets 'Niki' but who is Niki? As a reader, it felt like he/she came out of no where. Niki also seems kind of insignificant as his character is never described by speech or otherwise.

In the beginning of the story, we see Paul teasing Charles, but as I read through it the first time I did not understand who was saying what. It's easier for me to see now that I've read through it, but why was Charles' first reaction to stick his tongue out?

Thank you for your time! The story is really cool and I will be interested to see where you take it. :D






Niki is actually just Charles's nickname for Veronica. I guess I kinda did throw it in there. Sorry for the confusion.





No worries! :)




We understand how dangerous a mask can be. We all become what we pretend to be.
— Patrick Rothfuss, The Name of the Wind