Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),
Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!
First Impression: Okayy...so with this one I should be able to actually finish halfway through this piece...xD I read the wrong chapter 13 earlier. Well, this one was pretty good, there was a decent amount of tension built up and the ending especially was done quite well.
Anyway let's get right to it,
‘Whatever it’s thinking, I’m pretty sure it’s bad,’ Aleveri said, looking around her. ‘We’ve known too much. I - I think we can go now.’
‘I know we shouldn’t come here,’ Haka said, grunting. He looked at the shelves, pulling his face and stepping away from them.
Ilami stared at the book, was silent for a few seconds, before she shook her head. Her other hand was turned into a fist. ‘We haven’t known enough. I still can’t figure out why the students should die for entering this place. The academy could’ve silenced them like it did to their families now. Why killed them? We need to search more. We still have time, haven’t we?’
Hmm...oh I know where this is going from a few miles away now. Every single time someone makes the very wise move of leaving after the heist is somewhat successful the protagonist wants to stay just a little bit longer to make things clearer and it never seems to end in anything good for anyone involved.
Gael fished out his pocket watch. ‘Thirty minutes more,’ he whispered.
He didn’t know whether they should stay here or not. Half of him was intrigued with what else the Restricted Area kept hidden and the other half of him was reminded by his bare escape from his first visit here. He could still hear the Master’s voice. It seems like we have an intruder. He rubbed the back of his neck and was almost certain he could feel the Master’s breath tickling there.
He steeled himself. He wasn’t alone now. If the Master decided to appear in front of him, he had three other friends to help him fight the Master. Hopefully that would be enough.
Okayy...I suppose this Master is the person that was talking to that dwarf earlier, I don't fully remember but I do remember someone realizing Gael had come inside the Restricted Area and ordering another person to go deal with him. Also hmm, I guess the thirty minute timer has to do with how long the spell will last...so this could definitely get interesting, it seems safe enough at the moment but I get the feeling that the worst is yet to come.
‘Let’s search this place until time’s up,’ Gael said. ‘Aleveri and I can search this... library, while you and Haka explore again the Artifacts Room.’
Ilami threw a flat stare at the shelves. ‘Good idea.’
Aleveri sighed, shaking her head while Haka grunted more. He and Ilami exited the library, leaving Gael and Aleveri with the cursed books.
Aleveri turned to him and rubbed her arms. ‘We should be quick. I feel like these books are staring at me. It’s disturbing.’
Ahh, that feeling of being watched is definitely something you experience a lot when you're sneaking around in secret, its the sort of feeling that can definitely keep you up in a constant state of just feeling odd. That's described nicely there. And they split up now to start searching for things...I have a feeling this is where things could go wrong, that seems like the sort of activity that would take quite a while to do.
After checking briefly some of the books, Gael felt nauseated. How did the academy find these books, written by the most loathsome authors he had ever known? Presenting your theory in a bland way was one thing; displaying a theory that was immoral and forbidden in a confident and righteous way was another. Without being aware of it, he growled.
‘I’ll be tempted to burn this book too. Xesar’s fire,’ Aleveri hissed, voicing his thought. ‘Check this one.’ The book she gave him was held with the tips of her two fingers.
Okayy...well those aren't the craziest book title I've read, but well we're learning quite a bit about the opinions this world has on things in general, and well some of those books do sound a little bit suspicious anyway. Its definitely quite a collection there, and well I'm not sure what they expect to find at this point, but it appears they are simple just seeing more and more horrifying titles with each passing minute and then's are sounding worse every minute.
Most philosophers and religious figures agree Nerecia forbids the study of human modification. They argue that changing the nature of a person goes against the teaching of Nerecia, which encourages the manipulation of natural elements instead. However, an aspect they often do not bring up is the philosophy of Lio, God of Earth. Lio makes it clear in his principals that in order to eradicate evil, we are allowed to use any mean to achieve our goal. This philosophy of Lio becomes the prime reason scientists and magic users in Estagria are involved in human modification.
Gael felt like laughing after reading it. What a joke, he thought. This book was written by a comedian. ‘That’s it. We’re done here,’ he said and went through the door to the Artifact Room. Aleveri didn’t say anything, but he heard her low footsteps following him.
Okayy...well we're seeing a lot of detailed descriptions for the books here. I feel like just maybe you're going a little too detailed on the descriptions. This is a rather tense scene here and some very exciting things are happening so in that case when you create a situation where we have ourselves a bit of a slower pace as a result of a detailed description it kind of reduces the overall tension and make this whole scene seem a little less exciting, so perhaps look into that a bit.
‘What do you guys find?’ Gael asked.
Haka shrugged and leaned against the wall at one side of the room.
Ilami shook her head. ‘Nothing much,’ she said, gesturing to the display of artifacts in glass cases. ‘We find more of these. Since artifacts are extremely valuable, it makes sense the academy keep them in this room and forbid others from entering it.’ She bit her lower lip. ‘Still not enough...’
Ilami’s determination scared Gael. There was no need putting themselves at risk any longer. ‘We’re going out whether you like it or not,’ he said firmly. He nodded at Aleveri.
Hmm, Ilami definitely seems very determined to try and find whatever is hidden in the are at any cost...and well, I have a feeling her recklessness might lead to trouble soon if she doesn't learn to control that. So far it looks like thankfully everyone else has the sense to leave now before the spell wears off so she should be safe.
Both of them moved across the room before Haka joined them. When they were at the stairs, Gael looked at Ilami, raising his eyebrow. Ilami stood there for a few seconds before she let out a low sigh and moved toward them. She stopped in the middle of the room, however, turning her head to her left.
‘What is that?’ she asked, turning left, walking through glass cases of artifacts.
Gael groaned and walked toward her. Maybe he had to drag her out of this room. As he followed her eyes, he thought of how they had explored everything in this room. There shouldn’t be nothing else they hadn’t find -
Oh trust me, mysterious things like that only ever appear right as you're about to leave so they can stay there to tempt you and then put you in a whole heap of trouble before you have any idea of what's happening to you.
A doorknob. He was looking at a doorknob, attached to the wall. As his eyes lingered, he found a thin rectangular line around it, the shape of it made him think of a door. He stood beside Ilami, both of them staring at the wall. They missed it. They didn’t think of paying special attention to the wall and missed it.
The doorknob twisted, freezing them.
‘Gael. Ilami,’ Haka whispered. ‘Come here.’
Here we goo...I just know something is about to go wrong...its all a perfect setup. There's the extra curiosity, two of them then going to check it out despite the protests of everyone else...well this is maybe not going to end well here.
Gael was about to turn around, but the wall - no, the door - cracked, revealing a furry creature behind it. His eyes glowed red.
‘Ah, what a surprise,’ he said. The familiarity of his voice sent Gael’s stomach into chaos. He was the Master. ‘I wasn’t wrong thinking there was something unusual in the air.’ He took a deep breath and showed his fangs.
Despite her eyes widening, Ilami chanted, ‘[insert spell]’, and two fireballs appeared on her palms. She threw them to the Master, but before they could touch him, they hit a barrier which created a ripple-like effect and vanished.
Oh dear....here we go...sometimes I hate it when my predictions turn out to be true...oh on, I hope they get to leave this time, maybe Ilami being who she is will end up helping them out, but otherwise this situation has just gotten very serious and I have no idea what might end up happening to these four.
He pulled Ilami back, retreating from the Master. The gears in his mind worked furiously. Despite knowing full well they couldn’t beat the Master - even when they outnumbered him - he thought of ways to defeat him, at least long enough for them to escape. A Seshier took form of the animal soul he touched with his own. The attributes he gained from it - strength, agility, endurance - would multiply. And he used a wolf form, which made him more lethal.
‘I can’t open the door!’ Aleveri’s shout was high-pitched, fueled by her fear. ‘It won’t open!’
Oh yes...this is going in a very interesting direction, a terrifying direction for sure, but of course it looks like maybe we're just about to witness the first instance of a proper fight between an enemy and this group of four. Perhaps we can finally see both the fighting people in action.
A loud growl came from the Master before Gael realized he was laughing. ‘Why do you think the room is unlocked in the first place. I prefer trapping rats rather than shooing them away.’
Serra, Xesar, please help us, Gael prayed. Bless us with your wisdom and strength. Get us out of here.
It must be done, the voice whispered to him. Why it made itself known now was beyond Gael. I’ve seen all of them and you survive in each one.
I like how you manage to very subtly let us know what kind of thing they are fighting here and just how bad the odds are stacked against the four friends here. It really puts this fight in perspective rather nicely and you know about how afraid you should be of the outcome here.
As they stepped back, they hit the wall. They could run toward Haka and Aleveri, but it had no use. The outcome would still be the same - the Master would kill them. Aleveri, Haka, Ilami - they were as lacking bless as Gael was at the moment. This was it. This was the end for him, and it was all because he let his curiosity slave him.
And then, a figure stepped in front of them, his back against them. ‘[insert spell]’. Earth started to cover Haka’s body, adapting to his shape and became his armour. He cracked his knuckles. ‘He might be immune to direct magic, but this armour would still be effective.’ He turned back to them, smiling savagely. ‘I’ll beat him.’
Ooooh, this is an interesting pair of paragraphs to end. We start by Gael coming to the logical conclusion that neither of them had the ability required to beat the Master and pretty much giving up and accepting his fate there while in stark contrast to that Haka decides to charge the master and see what happens almost..he seems very confident there...and there's a tiny spark of hope.
Aaaaand that's it for this one.
Overall: Overall, I think you did a pretty good job on this one here. There was a tiny couple of spots towards the middle I feel could do with some improvement which I pointed out but for the most part and especially towards the end, this was really well done here. Very excited to see how this fight ends up going next.
As always remember to take what you think was helpful and forget the rest.
Stay Safe
Harry
Points: 254288
Reviews: 4103
Donate