Interesting chapter. I kind of like the whole Mr. Hyde gimmick you're experimenting with; it makes for an engaging space opera. Although, it is unclear to me whether you want this story to focus on the action or the drama. Like I said before, you've gotten better at establishing a rich cast; however, you need to get better at conveying emotion. A lot of the narrative, in mine opinion, is just too plainly worded.
See mine (notes) and /*edits*/ below.
The room was dark and shadowy, a studyis/*in*/ grey. It wasalsoas unfamiliar to Seth as the seat he sat in--a throne-like chair made of dark, bone-achingly cold stone. He shifted uncomfortably and glanced around, at the all-grey metal room. It felt hollow and echoed slightly with each of his movements, each breath he took.
Aquicky/*quick*/ study of the room showed him that there was, apparently, no door. And that there was someone else in there with him. He could hear them moving around, slight shifting noises that echoed his own movements but were not in sync with him.
No response. Just a slight shuffling sound.Seth/*He*/ went very still/*, peering into the darkness again*/ (redundant. We already know he's sitting in a seat)in his seat and tried to peer into the darkness again. A tiny thread of fear wound through him, making his heart race and his breathing pick up.Held/*He*/ held still and, after a moment of silence, leaned back, pulling his hands off the arms of the throne.Seth/*He*/ hugged himself/*, glancing warily*/while eyeing the darkened room warily(redundant. We already know the room is dark). He had a sinking feeling that he wasn't dreaming, but neither was he awake. So, where exactly was he at the moment?
There was another slight shifting sound, another out of sync echo, and Seth jerked his head up. He quickly scanned the room again. Still nothing. "Hello?" he called, uncrossing his arms and leaning forwards. He put one hand on the arm of the chair, fingers nearly white with how tightly he was gripping it. "Is... isthat(cut) anyone there? Hello?"
When the room stopped echoing his voice, it became unnaturally silent. It felt wrong for him to even breathe now, what with howeriely/*eerily*/ still and quiet the room had become. Now on his feet,Seth/*He*/ hesitated in moving away from the throne-like chair. Something about it made him want to stay in it,depsite/*despite*/ the discomfort. It was almost like an obsession for him, to be near the chair, to sit on it.
Seth bit his lip and glanced back at the throne-like seat he'd just vacated. It was high-backed and highly polished, made of dark stone with threads of silver and gold weaving through it. The throne was made of stone unlike anything he'devery/*ever*/ seen on Earth--and probably wouldn't see again, now that he'd left the planet. He frowned at the dark stone, eyeing the intricate carvings winding up the high back. It was beautiful, but horriblyinpersonal/*impersonal*/. Seth figured it was made to look pretty and intimidating, and most definitely not for comfort. He decided not to sit back down just yet.
"It was made to make a statement," someone said, voice crystal clear and rather hypnotic.They/*It*/ sounded a lot like him. Except there was a weird echo to their voice that was not caused by the room, and an edge to it that wasn't entirely friendly.
He decided not to answer that question and asked one of his own; (change semicolon to period) "Who are you?"
The other person chuckled in reply, low and sensual. Somehow, that did not reassureSeth/*him*/ at all. There was more movement in the darkness, as if someone were coming closer to him and then they abruptly stopped, a darker silhouette against the grey, shadow-washed room. Seth narrowed his gaze, not trusting this stranger. They tilted their head, as if studying him.
"Who are you?" Seth growled, ignoring their question. He took a small step forwards, voice rising with every word. "I demand to know who you are!" Realising he'd started yelling at them, he pulled back and rubbed a hand over his face. Taking a moment to compose him, Seth sighed and took a deep, hopefully calming breath. And then lowered his voice into a dark hiss; (change semicolon to period)"Tell me who you are!"
Histwin/*Evil Twin*/ heaved a sigh(show, don't tell), and Seth dubbed him The Evil Twin. "I'm not your evil twin, Seth."
"What the hell is going on?" he demanded, reaching up to grip his hair and tugging on it harshly. He stared hard at his other self, gaze narrowing./*space*/"Tell me!"
On to the next chapter.
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