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Young Writers Society


16+ Language Violence Mature Content

Equivalent Worlds - Chapter Nine

by ScarlettFire


Warning: This work has been rated 16+ for language, violence, and mature content.

For Tenyo's LMS contest. Word Count: 1494, approx.

Chapter Nine

The room was dark and shadowy, a study is grey. It was also as unfamiliar to Seth as the seat he sat in--a throne-like chair made of dark, bone-achingly cold stone. He shifted uncomfortably and glanced around, at the all-grey metal room. It felt hollow and echoed slightly with each of his movements, each breath he took.

A quicky study of the room showed him that there was, apparently, no door. And that there was someone else in there with him. He could hear them moving around, slight shifting noises that echoed his own movements but were not in sync with him.

Seth leaned forward in the seat, squinting into the shadows. "Who's there?"

No response. Just a slight shuffling sound. Seth went very still in his seat and tried to peer into the darkness again. A tiny thread of fear wound through him, making his heart race and his breathing pick up. Held held still and, after a moment of silence, leaned back, pulling his hands off the arms of the throne. Seth hugged himself while eyeing the darkened room warily. He had a sinking feeling that he wasn't dreaming, but neither was he awake. So, where exactly was he at the moment?

The room offered no clues and his last memories were of Amerys and Samira talking to him on the shuttle, and then Amerys calling his name. And then nothing. Seth frowned, dropping his gaze to the floor. He shifted on the chair again, wincing at the cold, hard surface of it. It was obviously not made for sitting down on for extended periods of time.

There was another slight shifting sound, another out of sync echo, and Seth jerked his head up. He quickly scanned the room again. Still nothing. "Hello?" he called, uncrossing his arms and leaning forwards. He put one hand on the arm of the chair, fingers nearly white with how tightly he was gripping it. "Is... is that anyone there? Hello?"

Again, there was no response. He scowled and slid towards the edge of the seat. There was a light footstep, the noise almost buried beneath his breathing and the pulse thundering in his ears. All traces of the unnatural calm were gone, and he was almost in full-blown panic mode. Seth began to push up out of his seat, shoving away the fear and the panic. He didn't want those emotions right now.

"Who's there?" he shouted, wincing at the echo that bounced back at him. "SHOW YOURSELF!"

When the room stopped echoing his voice, it became unnaturally silent. It felt wrong for him to even breathe now, what with how eriely still and quiet the room had become. Now on his feet, Seth hesitated in moving away from the throne-like chair. Something about it made him want to stay in it, depsite the discomfort. It was almost like an obsession for him, to be near the chair, to sit on it.

Seth bit his lip and glanced back at the throne-like seat he'd just vacated. It was high-backed and highly polished, made of dark stone with threads of silver and gold weaving through it. The throne was made of stone unlike anything he'd every seen on Earth--and probably wouldn't see again, now that he'd left the planet. He frowned at the dark stone, eyeing the intricate carvings winding up the high back. It was beautiful, but horribly inpersonal. Seth figured it was made to look pretty and intimidating, and most definitely not for comfort. He decided not to sit back down just yet.

"Stupid creepy rooms," he muttered under his breath and hugged himself again, turning his back to the room. "And stupid uncomfortable chairs..."

"It was made to make a statement," someone said, voice crystal clear and rather hypnotic. They sounded a lot like him. Except there was a weird echo to their voice that was not caused by the room, and an edge to it that wasn't entirely friendly.

Seth whirled around to face the room, heat beating like it was about to burst out of his chest. The fear and the panic came rushing back, and he stopped short as something in the shadows moved. "W-who's there?"

"It's a pretty throne, don't you think?"

He decided not to answer that question and asked one of his own; "Who are you?"

The other person chuckled in reply, low and sensual. Somehow, that did not reassure Seth at all. There was more movement in the darkness, as if someone were coming closer to him and then they abruptly stopped, a darker silhouette against the grey, shadow-washed room. Seth narrowed his gaze, not trusting this stranger. They tilted their head, as if studying him.

"You should know the answer to that question, Sethos."

He ground his teeth together and clenched his hands into fists. "My name," he hissed, anger flooding through him, "is not Sethos."

"Of course it is, my dear," the shadow replied and they sounded more normal, if slightly bored. "Don't you like your name?"

"Who are you?" Seth growled, ignoring their question. He took a small step forwards, voice rising with every word. "I demand to know who you are!" Realising he'd started yelling at them, he pulled back and rubbed a hand over his face. Taking a moment to compose him, Seth sighed and took a deep, hopefully calming breath. And then lowered his voice into a dark hiss; "Tell me who you are!"

"Why don't I show you?"

And with that, they took one last step forwards, into the light. Seth froze in shock, staring at what appeared to be his mirror image. Only they had dark lines criss-crossing their face like engorged veins and dark, bottomless eyes that betrayed nothing. That... That could not be right, could it? There was only one of him, right?

Seth took a quick step back, thighs hitting the edge of the seat. He dropped into the chair abruptly, pointing at the other him. "You-- You can't be real!" he said, voice edged towards hysteria. His heart was beating triple time now, breaths stuttering in his chest, panic clenched tight around his heart. "You-- this--- This can't be happening! This isn't real--this is a dream! It has to be a dream!"

"Oh, come on," his dark-eyed twin muttered, rolling their eyes. "You have got to be kidding me."

"Uh, uh," Seth muttered, shaking his head. "This is most definitely not happening. I'm dreaming and in a few minutes, I'll wake up and the last day will be a complete nightmare... and--and not real!"

His twin heaved a sigh, and Seth dubbed him The Evil Twin. "I'm not your evil twin, Seth."

He went still. "How--how did you know...?"

"That you were thinking that?" his Evil Twin smirked. "We're one and the same. I have access to all the same memories you do. I just see them from a different perspective." The other him's head tilted again, and this time he could definitely tell it was studying him. "Like that one time you saw a dog growling at a little girl at one of those functions you loved waiting at so much, and you stepped between them and told the dog off. Do you remember the weird tingling warm feeling in your hand when you touched it?"

Seth shook his head. "No."

"Oh, well. I guess that's something that I, specifically, retained." His Evil Twin shrugged. "Perks of being the alien part, I suppose."

"Wait, what?" he whispered, frowning at the other him. "Did you just say 'alien'?"

The other him sighed again. "Honestly, Seth. Amerys told you all this earlier!"

Pressure began to build in his head, and Seth had the distinct feeling that he could feel a migraine coming on. He shook his head to clear it of the disorientated thoughts and tossed aside all his previous emotions, pulling anger in towards himself. It didn't feel like only his anger, either. There was something distinctly other about it, like he'd taken it from someone else. He vaguely remembered Amerys being angry telling him not to do something... Was that it? Was this anger partially Amerys's?

"What the hell is going on?" he demanded, reaching up to grip his hair and tugging on it harshly. He stared hard at his other self, gaze narrowing."Tell me!"

"Oh, dear..." his Evil Twin muttered, and then their presence just vanished.

He pushed to his feet abruptly, feeling unreasonably unsteady. In its absence, there was suddenly a hollow feeling in his chest, aching with some kind of twisted longing. For completeness. Wholeness. Seth frowned, and slowly lowered himself back down onto the throne. That little interaction had just given him a hell of a lot more questions than answers.


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Mon Feb 04, 2019 4:34 am
Xorsudite wrote a review...



Interesting chapter. I kind of like the whole Mr. Hyde gimmick you're experimenting with; it makes for an engaging space opera. Although, it is unclear to me whether you want this story to focus on the action or the drama. Like I said before, you've gotten better at establishing a rich cast; however, you need to get better at conveying emotion. A lot of the narrative, in mine opinion, is just too plainly worded.

See mine (notes) and /*edits*/ below.

The room was dark and shadowy, a study is /*in*/ grey. It was also as unfamiliar to Seth as the seat he sat in--a throne-like chair made of dark, bone-achingly cold stone. He shifted uncomfortably and glanced around, at the all-grey metal room. It felt hollow and echoed slightly with each of his movements, each breath he took.

A quicky /*quick*/ study of the room showed him that there was, apparently, no door. And that there was someone else in there with him. He could hear them moving around, slight shifting noises that echoed his own movements but were not in sync with him.


No response. Just a slight shuffling sound. Seth /*He*/ went very still/*, peering into the darkness again*/ (redundant. We already know he's sitting in a seat) in his seat and tried to peer into the darkness again. A tiny thread of fear wound through him, making his heart race and his breathing pick up. Held /*He*/ held still and, after a moment of silence, leaned back, pulling his hands off the arms of the throne. Seth /*He*/ hugged himself/*, glancing warily*/ while eyeing the darkened room warily (redundant. We already know the room is dark). He had a sinking feeling that he wasn't dreaming, but neither was he awake. So, where exactly was he at the moment?


There was another slight shifting sound, another out of sync echo, and Seth jerked his head up. He quickly scanned the room again. Still nothing. "Hello?" he called, uncrossing his arms and leaning forwards. He put one hand on the arm of the chair, fingers nearly white with how tightly he was gripping it. "Is... is that (cut) anyone there? Hello?"


When the room stopped echoing his voice, it became unnaturally silent. It felt wrong for him to even breathe now, what with how eriely /*eerily*/ still and quiet the room had become. Now on his feet, Seth /*He*/ hesitated in moving away from the throne-like chair. Something about it made him want to stay in it, depsite /*despite*/ the discomfort. It was almost like an obsession for him, to be near the chair, to sit on it.

Seth bit his lip and glanced back at the throne-like seat he'd just vacated. It was high-backed and highly polished, made of dark stone with threads of silver and gold weaving through it. The throne was made of stone unlike anything he'd every /*ever*/ seen on Earth--and probably wouldn't see again, now that he'd left the planet. He frowned at the dark stone, eyeing the intricate carvings winding up the high back. It was beautiful, but horribly inpersonal /*impersonal*/. Seth figured it was made to look pretty and intimidating, and most definitely not for comfort. He decided not to sit back down just yet.


"It was made to make a statement," someone said, voice crystal clear and rather hypnotic. They /*It*/ sounded a lot like him. Except there was a weird echo to their voice that was not caused by the room, and an edge to it that wasn't entirely friendly.


He decided not to answer that question and asked one of his own; (change semicolon to period) "Who are you?"

The other person chuckled in reply, low and sensual. Somehow, that did not reassure Seth /*him*/ at all. There was more movement in the darkness, as if someone were coming closer to him and then they abruptly stopped, a darker silhouette against the grey, shadow-washed room. Seth narrowed his gaze, not trusting this stranger. They tilted their head, as if studying him.


"Who are you?" Seth growled, ignoring their question. He took a small step forwards, voice rising with every word. "I demand to know who you are!" Realising he'd started yelling at them, he pulled back and rubbed a hand over his face. Taking a moment to compose him, Seth sighed and took a deep, hopefully calming breath. And then lowered his voice into a dark hiss; (change semicolon to period)"Tell me who you are!"


His twin /*Evil Twin*/ heaved a sigh(show, don't tell), and Seth dubbed him The Evil Twin. "I'm not your evil twin, Seth."


"What the hell is going on?" he demanded, reaching up to grip his hair and tugging on it harshly. He stared hard at his other self, gaze narrowing./*space*/"Tell me!"


On to the next chapter.




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Sun Apr 30, 2017 2:28 pm
inktopus wrote a review...



Hey, ScarlettFire! Storm here for a review this fine Review Day, so let's jump right into it!

I actually reviewed chapter ten first (oops), but I'll try to keep that in mind while reading and reviewing this chapter.

The room was dark and shadowy, a study is grey.

The last half of this sentence is in present tense when it should be in past, unless you mean 'a study in grey'. Either way, there's a typo.


Only they had dark lines criss-crossing their face like engorged veins and dark, bottomless eyes that betrayed nothing.

If that was Seth's mirror image, then wouldn't it be called 'he', like Seth is. If not 'he', then 'it'. I just don't know that the use of 'they' makes all that much sense.

This is an interesting development. Seth has two parts of himself. It would be interesting to see how that part interacts with Seth's sister.

Seth is fixated on the throne, it seems. I think that since that is the case, you could focus more descriptive power on it. Make him hyper-aware of it. It's beautiful, but it's uncomfortable. Either way, he can't help but want to sit there.

Overall, like I said before, the writing is pretty solid. I found that you used more description in this chapter, but more powerful, unique words will amp up that descriptiveness. Make sure that you aren't always telling what Seth thinks. Show us how he feels about things from his reactions to them.

You know where to find me if you have questions or just want to discuss.

~Storm




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Sun Apr 23, 2017 1:59 pm
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BluesClues wrote a review...



That little interaction had just given him a hell of a lot more questions than answers.


And he's still unconscious, worse luck.

I WAS TOTALLY THINKING EVIL TWIN even though this isn't a soap opera, and then Seth was like, "Evil Twin" and I was so happy.

ANYWAY.

You've got some good description in here, if I may point out what I thought were the particularly good bits.

The room was dark and shadowy, a study is grey.


(I think it was really "a study in grey" I liked here.)

It was high-backed and highly polished, made of dark stone with threads of silver and gold weaving through it. The throne was made of stone unlike anything he'd every seen on Earth--and probably wouldn't see again, now that he'd left the planet. He frowned at the dark stone, eyeing the intricate carvings winding up the high back. It was beautiful, but horribly inpersonal.


(I also like how the impersonal quality of the chair is painted as the most frightening thing about it.)

Seth froze in shock, staring at what appeared to be his mirror image. Only they had dark lines criss-crossing their face like engorged veins and dark, bottomless eyes that betrayed nothing.


("like engorged veins" *shudder*)

I also thought Seth's reactions to everything that were happening were well-done. It's interesting that he's got this "alien side" that's kind of not-good, considering we've met plenty of this type of alien (both full-blooded and half) and they're just like people in terms of being good and bad and flawed. But we already know there's some sort of problem, because those black lines are concerning - even for Sam and Rhys.

I also feel like I'm using "also" too much like the way you portray Seth's emotions and also the ways he intentionally uses them, like here.

He shook his head to clear it of the disorientated thoughts and tossed aside all his previous emotions, pulling anger in towards himself. It didn't feel like only his anger, either. There was something distinctly other about it, like he'd taken it from someone else. He vaguely remembered Amerys being angry telling him not to do something... Was that it? Was this anger partially Amerys's?


Even though he doesn't know much about being an alien yet or the bonds or anything like that, he has more of a, um, how to put this, like a sense of his emotions, I guess, than a normal human being.

Although, on the note of that quote, it also included the one thing that tripped me up.

It didn't feel like only his anger, either. There was something distinctly other about it, like he'd taken it from someone else. He vaguely remembered Amerys being angry telling him not to do something... Was that it? Was this anger partially Amerys's?


I'm cool with the first part of that, because he can feel that the anger has this weird, other quality. But it's sort of weird to me that his mind jumps to Rhys's anger and immediately concludes that this weird "other" anger must be partly Rhys's. I dunno, it just seemed a strange leap of logic to make, even though it's probably correct. Also: keep us guessing for a while! Remember in Harry Potter & the Order of the Phoenix when Harry's particularly angsty and has these flashes of anger, especially toward Dumbledore, that don't even feel like him, and then at the end you find out that he and Voldemort had this sort of mental connection going on through his scar and he was actually feeling Voldemort's anger?

Aside from the fact that I just love mentioning HP whenever I can (and can't do it often enough), I just wanted to use this as an example. Something similar happens to Harry - albeit in a more limited way and for a completely different reason - but we don't find out what the deal is until the end of the book. In your case, since this is more of a - not more of a plot point, exactly, but something related to a specific race of creatures and your protagonists in particular - you obviously don't want to wait that long, but still. Let it be a question for him to ask later!





I have writer's block. I can't write. It is the will of the gods. Now, I must alphabetize my spice rack.
— Neil Gaiman