Ay, Fox. I'm starting with this one because it wrenched more out of me. You get the typical literary analysis.
First off, you deliver reread value with your primary line since it's an easy one to forget among the pantheon of good hooks, but this is okay because reread value. The red is important. The red will bring people back to the poem and add more understanding to it. Stanza one's question marks remain with the importance of the biology class, but that's also inference material. Regardless, it flows well and gives us a brief glimpse into some hostility in a classroom setting that's possibly causing these dreams, and I appreciate that.
Now. The shoot the killer / shoot the killer lines. First, yes. Second, yes. Third, I can see some conflicting interpretations coming from these: since there's no distinguishing factor between the shooter "the killer" and the killer "the killer," it almost can come across that you've dream-warped yourself into the place of the shooter, but I doubt that will be a prevalent takeaway. At least I hope not. Reflect on this because these are two quintessential and powerful lines and need absolute justice.
Stanza two almost has its own prelude, which interests me. It's something I'm guilty of at times, but I'm taken in by the transition and wouldn't personally change it unless you were looking to cut all fat from the piece. My joy here is that a knowing reader will be aware that a second story fall won't kill you on its own, blood loss could, but that the narrator is rather running out the window shot and torn, and will lie on the ground viewing the past transgressions again and again. It's very nuanced of depression, and I had to tell you that in full. You don't go for the heaviness crap or the drowning in a black ocean bits--this is the hell that isn't presented enough.
Well done.
Ty
Points: 1626
Reviews: 745
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