A good effort.
I have a two significant complaints about this piece: The lack of rhythm and its overdone topic.
Now, don't get me wrong, that doesn't mean you're a bad writer. But please, consider writing in prose. Poetry is the new cool thing among younger writers, and in all honesty, it's just so hard to get right. Poetry simply must have rhythm, or it's just prose in lines.
Look, prose can be used to express feelings as well, and it doesn't even have to be a story. I see it as I read your poem, it would just fare much better as a piece written in prose. It's worth a thought, if nothing more.
Then the overdone topic... Whether you write to vent or not doesn't matter. It's just that every other poem here is about a breakup, or love, or grief from love, or the lack of love. You can write about a breakup, but you need to do it in a more interesting way if you want to capture anyone's attention.
This was a brutally honest review, as all my reviews are. So don't feel bad. I'm no better than you are.
Good luck! And try prose! That, and brainstorm. I find that the best ideas come in the shower.
Points: 1689
Reviews: 52
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