Young Writers Society

Hello! Ripple here on this marvelous Review Day.

I really like the overall feel of this poem. The message is fairly solid, and it just reads very flowingly.

My nitpicks have to do with the structure of the poem, specifically punctuation. Typically, you would not put a space before a comma. With how consistently you do that, it is obviously not a repeated typo, but a mere grammatical misunderstanding. Quite simple to fix.

The other main punctuation error is the last line.

" Life is not as rosy as it seems...!!"

There should not be a space after the first quotation mark, and the end of the line is all sorts of confusing. Ellipses (the ...) would work great without all of the other punctuation, as it would indicate a saddened trailing-off, if that makes any sense. The double exclamation marks make it seem like it trails off, then suddenly panics without saying anything more. The quotation marks make it seem like an outside person is saying it, not you. Also, one exclamation point is usually sufficient.

My other nitpick is your rhyme scheme. You keep switching between slant rhyme and pure rhyme without any apparent logic to it. If in every stanza, you followed a pure rhyme with a slant rhyme, that would work. If you did vice versa, that would work. If you alternated betweenstanzas with slant rhyme and stanzas with pure rhyme, that would work. You just need to be consistent. There isn't any order between the two in the current version.

I really enjoyed reading this, but improving your formatting will really make this shine. Keep writing!