z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

The First Flight

by jhakala204


“Crash!” I threw my silver luggage, shiny and heavy, down to the ground as I exited the plane. Only, something felt wrong. While standing in the gate, looking all around, and getting out of other people’s way, the answer hit me. Everything was in French. I was in the wrong continent! I was in Europe, a continent of many countries, in an airport in France! Sure, the thought of flight on an airplane sounds like fun. It’s fast, and you don’t have to stay awake the whole travel time. Sometimes though, flight isn’t so great after all.

“Mom, do I have to go alone?” I pleaded to my mother, about to board the plane. She looked down at me and smiled. She replied with “Yes dear. We have been talking about this for some time now.” Frightened at the thought of flying alone, I wet my pull up. “Crrcht,” The gate announcement was starting. “Now boarding Zone 1 for flight A234 with service from Toronto, Canada to...” The announcement was cut short for an advertisement for McDonald's. As mother ushered me towards the plane, I gave her the don’t-send-me-to-that-horrible-place look. As I got closer to the boarding pass line to check the passes to get onto the plane, I became terrified even worse than before.

Hands shaking, feet trembling, it became my turn in line. I handed the boarding pass to the woman, but she said I was fine since I was only 12.

I walked onto the plane, a big flying carpet with walls, and sat in my seat, 2A. I was next to the window. Soon it was Zone 2 boarding, and finally Zone 3. Mother called me one last time before we took off. “We don’t know what warm weather is like in Canada. But I was told that it is warm in Orlando. Have fun kiddo,” she told me. Before I could answer, my cellular service was cut due to taking off. I’m really going to miss you mom, I thought to myself. The ground from above is like a big painting, I suddenly realized.With the last of the sun’s light, I saw the beautiful forest, The green grass, and the blue lakes and rivers. I then drifted away to sleep, because we had taken off at 7:35 PM.

“Hey, kid. Wake up,” said the man next to me with a slight nudge to awake me. “Thank you mister,” I replied as I grabbed my luggage. I grabbed my phone when I arrived at the exit gates to leave the airport to take a selfie. “Crash!” I threw my silver luggage, shiny and heavy, down to the ground as I exited the gate. When I went to my photos, I saw that my brown hair was in a messy bedhead state, and my tired brown eyes weren’t open all the way, probably because I was so tired. I splashed some water in my face from my water bottle, and that woke me up pretty well. When I looked around the airport, something felt wrong. While standing in the gate, looking all around, and getting out of other people’s way, the answer hit me. Everything was in French. I was in the completely wrong continent! I was in Europe, a continent of many countries, in an airport in France! Where am I? Why am I in France? How will I get home? I wondered.

“Does anyone here speak english?” I started yelling. No one answered. “BEEP. BEEP. BEEP.” I heard. A tram was coming in for a fresh load of people to take to the other terminals. I bet someone getting on that tram knows english. As I walked over to the tram stop, I kept yelling “Does anyone here speak english?”. No one answered. When I got to the tram, I yelled one more time. This time, I thought I heard a faint “I do.” As I walked over to the sound, a tall boy with extremely muscular arms extended an arm and took me by the hand. While shaking my hand he said, “Hi. I’m Jacob Hakala. What’s your name?” With my fast talking skills, I responded with “My name is Caleb Thompson. Nice to meet you.” When the tram came closer to the terminal, I noticed it wasn’t slowing down at all. “The train is going to hit us!” I yelled to the crowd. But because no one understood me, they all just stood there. Looking like an idiot, yelling to no one, and flopping around on the ground like a goofball, I dove out of the way of the train. “Do you want to stand up and go find a ticket to wherever you are going? I need my ticket to Orlando. Oh, and by the way, where are you going?” Jacob asked, completely calm. I stood up and brushed myself off. “I’m heading to Orlando, Florida. Same as you! Sure, we can go find tickets,” I told Jacob.

After we found the ticket booth, it turns out Jacob knew some French! “2 tickets to Orlando, Florida please,” He said in French. “Here are your tickets sir. Your plane leaves in 2 hours,” the ticket booth lady told him. “Hey, can I have your number?” I asked him. Without saying a word, he gave me a note with a number on it. “(269) 598-3456” was his phone number. “Thank...” I stopped because when I looked up, he was gone. “Gate B14 with service to Orlando, now boarding in Zone 1,” a man’s voice said over the microphone. Thats me, I thought.

Sure, the thought of flight on an airplane sounds like fun. It’s fast, and you don’t have to stay awake the whole travel time. Sometimes though, flight isn’t so great after all. 


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13 Reviews


Points: 241
Reviews: 13

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Tue May 31, 2016 3:33 am
decco6226 wrote a review...



Wow! Very good! Yes, airplanes can be pretty crazy. I can't imagine travelling alone. But I mean, it'd be terrifying if you got off in the wrong country! Especially if pretty no one spoke your language! I loved the details in this book! Like the times, country names, sounds, and even a gate number! It seems pretty real! Hopefully this isn't a true story or experience! That'd be terrifying!

Keep on writing! You're awesome!




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67 Reviews


Points: 149
Reviews: 67

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Fri May 27, 2016 5:21 pm
PancakeandWaffle wrote a review...



Hello! I am so freaking in love with this thing omg. It's just so flippin amazeballs.
I see... NOTHING WRONG WITH IT! Oh my goodness, I'm really hyper right now, but, uh...
I LOVE IT!
I love the detail you included like the seat number, the time, the gate number even... Everything was just so real. I don't remember much of being on a plane since it's been so long, but it was so funny and cool and just- It was a good story xD
Keep writing, and keep on keeping on.
Waffle~




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Points: 1696
Reviews: 19

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Fri May 27, 2016 2:14 pm
Echo090 wrote a review...



Hi. So let's get on with this. Just decided to return to YWS after some years, so I'll be rusty. Eh, I've always been rusty, but it's up to you if you want to believe this rusty reviewer. I like reviewing something based on how it makes me feel. I'm not that smart enough to dissect literature, so I'm making this as subjective as I possibly can.

1.) Are you sure this is under short stories, this strongly feels like a first chapter to a novel. The ending of this story felt so inconclusive that I'm sure you intended further chapters.

2.) After reading the last sentence, I was in a situation where I felt disconnected with what your character wanted its readers to feel.

Sure, the thought of flight on an airplane sounds like fun. It’s fast, and you don’t have to stay awake the whole travel time. Sometimes though, flight isn’t so great after all.


You repeated this twice, once in the beginning, and another in the end. So it was quite misleading when actually, the worse parts of your character's journey never really happened in the airplane. You've setup this tone that this story would be about how bad the flight was when nothing really bad happened with the flight in the airplane.

I'm a firm believer that the tone you put in your work is really important. It drives the story in a flow you can help readers get by. What the tone of your story did instead was put me off and made me think that the writer was confused as to how she wanted this chapter to be.

3.) The French Airport scenes of the story felt very rushed. Correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm saying this because I believe Caleb is a bigger character that what you made him look like. He is a tall boy with muscular arms who just happens to speak French AND give our main character his number, so I'm predicting a love interest out of him. But I'm just saying that because I see this as the first chapter to a novel. If this was really a short story, I'd just say that the ending failed to give weight to how her problems were solved seeing you just recycled a paragraph to encapsulate the whole journey.

4.) To conclude this, I feel really confused as to how I should really review your work. I didn't know if I was going to review it from a short story or novel perspective. Either way, I advise you to continue what you have started. Have a better vision of what you want your readers to feel. Also, emphasize on the right moments you think are more essential to the story. I'm sorry if all I have to say is constructive criticism, but like I say, I'm just a rusty reviewer. Good luck and keep on writing, like seriously!

additional note- I laughed at the part your character started shouting in the airport. Once does not simply shout for English-speakers in a French airport. Haha. But if your character is really meant this way, then demn.





I would be a terrible novel protagonist.
— mellifera