Young Writers Society

Good Morning/Afternoon/Evening/Night(whichever one it is in your part of the world),

Hi! I'm here to leave a quick review!!!

Anyway let's get right to it,

I had gone mad, although I had not yet become entirely acquainted with the fact. At the time I was young, a Physicist by trade, and in love with the idea of inter-dimensional travel. I was working on a project few would even touch because frankly it wasn't an area of science that most scientists could take seriously. In fact I was the only one, but I devoted every iota of energy in me to making it happen. For two lonely years I labored and sacrificed until, not quite by accident, the project had latched onto my brain, wrapped its coils around my heart, and fused with my soul. If any one had asked, who are you? I would have said with pride, Project 196, aka The Door.

Hello!

Stegosaurus here for a (small) review!

This was a nice little read as it caught my attention with sci-fi and whatnot. We get to see the mindset of narrator, and what the main conflict/plot that your novel is going to be about. Another thing is the reader can imagine what the narrator is going through, as in terms of what might happen in the future (kinda like foreshadowing). As the previous reviewer said before me, this seems to be the beginning of a cliche science fiction novel-- however, don't think about scrapping the whole idea of this because this is a good idea, and the good ideas take off into wonderful novel.
Also, in the beginning of this little excerpt, it seems to give the reader a glimpse of what might've happened to the narrator of this story. However, I am hoping as your novel continues on, that you'll probably elaborate on his past and whatnot.

Overall, I liked this little piece. It is a nice beginning to a good novel, and I like to see where this can go. If you like me to go over anything, let me know!

Steggy

I can't judge it as a whole, so I'll try to judge it from a sentence view.

Overall, a nice, clever short read. If I were to read this from rifling through a book, I'd probably continue reading--which is exactly what you want to do. The opening lines are the most important pieces of the puzzle. If they're bad or not at all interesting, your readers' will drop the book before you get the chance to earn their forgiveness.

I liked the first sentence: "I had gone mad, although I had not yet become entirely acquainted with the fact." It just sort of highlights how self-aware the scientist is at that moment, and asks a lot of questions the reader has to figure out by reading the rest of the book. Why had he gone mad? What did he do? What's going on?

However, I'd just like to point out that, from the looks of it, you are going to employ some science fiction cliches. Interdimensional travel? Mad scientist? Something gone horribly wrong? Now, none of this means you should ditch your draft immediately, it just means you now have a lot to prove for yourself. It needs to rely on a lot more than just plot, now; make your characters interesting, your worldbuilding intriguing, your characters interesting, your conflicts high staked and dangerous, and did I mention make your characters interesting? Yeah, because good characters are awesome and will suck the reader in no matter what genre.

Hope you do well, and am looking forward to seeing your book. If you ever need someone to review the first chapter, feel free to drop a message.

Hola Justlittleoleme2 =) FallWolf here to give you some critique!

This sounds like a really interesting story! I hope you post more of it soon =) The title piqued my interest, but that may be just because I like anything star-related. Yeah, I'm weird that way =P

My favorite part of this whole excerpt is "...that the project had latched onto my brain, wrapped its coils around my heart and fused with my soul." Love the use of metaphor there, and this sentence adds just the right touch to show the readers how mad this guy has actually become. However, I think this sentence is fragmented. There is no subject, just "So much so..." so I would suggest putting it more this way: "So much had I slaved over this project... du du du du da"

I also enjoyed the last part, where it says "If any one had asked, who are you? I would have said with pride, Project 196, aka The Door." Not only is this sentence another great way to show how madly obsessed this guy is, but it also implies to what the project is.

One really nitpicky thing, your first three sentences start the same way, with "I". This can not only get boring and monotonous to the reader, but it breaks up the flow of your writing a bit.

So, that's all for now. I hope to see more of your work soon!
Don't stop writing =)
-FallWolf