Young Writers Society

Hey, Artemis28. I stumbled on this poem, I'm lingering because it reminds me of The Great Gatsby. The idea of wealth and a show to steal a girl's heart fits perfectly.
Out of curiosity, have you read The Great Gatsby? It doesn't matter really, but I'm wondering whether this is a coincidence.
I loved the premise, and don't really have any other suggestions for changes. I'm not a poetry person, you see...
Keep Writing!

~Bella~

Heya, wisegirl.

Your golden hair once brought my legs out from under me
and I fell.
You split this sentence is the best place possible. I paused between the lines, which added the right amount of emphasis to and I fell. It's a really good opening line.

Your convertibles couldn't take our love where I wanted it to go
but it was all fake, like your crystal chandelier that hung
in your bedroom.
I liked how you described the girl's feelings about his money and he uses it to 'buy' girls, like your title says. You've done a greatb job expressing that.

not from the library full of books you owned
At least he's decent enough to spend money on lots of books. :p

You can try buying everyone else's hearts
but not mine.
Excellent conclusion to the poem! You shoved it right in that guy's face.

It was well written, and I enjoyed reading it.

this poem is absolutely wonderful, i practically see no flaws to correct and this is the first time i am saying this, i love the use of pun in the word " pound" and i also like the other connections you made... i particularity like the line "it was all fake, like your crystal chandelier that hung

in your bedroom.". keep writing , you have huge potential an a bright talent...
Rituparna

Hi, wisegirl! Lovely poem you have here.

Well, the theme here is pretty obvious. Riches cannot buy love or affection. It's an interesting theme, and I'm curious as to what influenced it. Anywho, I personally felt it could have been executed better. I felt that the rhythm was uneven and the periods made the poem more choppy. Some lines were long, some were short, some stanzas were four lines while the majority were three. Just something to think about.

When I started reading this, I thought of Rapunzel- with golden hair and all. But later in the poem it's pretty obvious that the person being described was a male. Perhaps mention that the hair was short?

And then there was this line:

and I fell.

Fell into the mountain of dollars I climbed...

neither were the ones from your expensive private school

Hi!
I'm going to start this review with nitpicks. So we shall start!

you blocked me with your golden mansions

Hello CapitalMonday here for a review. i like to begin on the message of this poem is amazing and wise since when you think about it, the person in this poem is trying to get over the person that has a cold-hearten soul with the outside of a knight in shinning armor. Also how people could relate since we all have found love and didn't even mind what they have done bad to themselves; our hearts were talking for us.

Nitpick(s):

You weren't a good teacher

to enlarge your muscles for every girl that passed