She never looked
more beautiful.
Her face,
although
uncovered and plain,
Serene and
elegant.
Her dress ethereal.
Wings
That made her fly
as she fell.
We danced
Slowly,
Carefully,
Hesitantly,
In the darkness
as we wanted all to be blind.
We didn't want
her to see us
nor us her
Or else we'd remember.
She sits there
calmly
Even when under
the warmth of the moonlight
And through our
movements so erratic:
Pitter-patters of
feet -
Rolling snares;
Timpani hearts
gradually increasing the tempo
A swelling
crescendo -
Thunder and Lightning
Until we reached
a rest
And breathed.
Then we came to.
We couldn't look
away any longer
For she shone
like the sun
And swept away
the night.
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125,024 Literary Works • 672,762 Reviews
Hello CapitalMonday here for a review. I would like to begin on how the imagery in this plays are part in the reader's head and how well-written this piece really is. You use some must imagery in this that it kinda reminds me of Cinderella. I am a little confused on one part where you say wings make her fly as she fell. That part got me a little confused (I think it means she fell from heaven onto earth or something). Also how you described your hearts as a timpani (which I find very romantic) in this poem and how both your heartbeats roared together then after a while, you just sit their looking at her beauty.
This poem is very well-written and amazingly well for anyone to read. Also I wish I could write like you do.
Farewell,
CapitalMonday
Heyo, here for that second WRFF requested review.
Kay, so I'm not sure I really understand this at all. I can grasp an innuendo here, but I'm not sure if that was intended or not, but I'm going to ignore it anyway because I don't like innuendos.
First, the grammar and the line breaks really threw me off. Your punctuation stopped me in places that I should have been able to flow through. This punctuation problem for me is especially grating in the first stanza. You don't have to punctuate to the music. Anyway, because of this, I was unsure whether "serene and elegant" went with her face or with the wings. It really shouldn't matter, but it does to me. I love the thing about her dress being wings as she fell, but I thought the rest of that stanza was a bit cliche. Although the "uncovered" part intrigued me. That was the only part that made me think "princess." The rest of this could be just anyone.
I'm not sure if this contrast in movements was intentional, and I'm also not sure if it works or not. I suppose if the contrast was intentional, then it works, but if it wasn't, I don't think it does:
See the contrast?
I didn't understand this line at all. It twisted around in a way that I didn't know who was what and who was doing and who was watching and who didn't want to be watched, and who all these people are in the first place:
I feel like there are two "her's" here. But I could be terribly mistaken and I don't know it. Honestly, I think this is from not knowing what the poem is about in its entirety.
I do like your word choices, especially with the drums and stuff. And the ending was nice, if a little cliche and vague. But it had nice images.
I hope this helped! Let me know if you have any questions, and keep writing!
Such perfect imagery. At each detail I read, I could just build this princess up to be the character she was meant to be. I can picture her sitting on the throne. I can picture her walking. I can picture everything. I didn't see any errors as far as I'm concerned. Please write more. I would love to see it.
I dont Know what piece This poem is based off but it is very good. I feel like you use very descriptive words and feelings. i love poetry and i think you might to i really dont know you but i can tell that you are a very good writer. I love how you used the senses off sight. i can say this dont change anything in your writing techniques. Good Luck!!!!!
Wow, this is so, so good! I love your metaphors and imagery, and I also love the overall idea of your poem. It is really well written, and although I am not very acquainted with the rules of poetry, I'm pretty sure it is all spot on!
You also have a beautiful rhythm. Can't wait to read more of your work!
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Love,
Evalynne
Wow, this is so, so good! I love your metaphors and imagery, and I also love the overall idea of your poem. It is really well written, and although I am not very acquainted with the rules of poetry, I'm pretty sure it is all spot on!
You also have a beautiful rhythm. Can't wait to read more of your work!
I'm afraid I do not know which poem this is based on but I enjoyed it none the less. It had great descriptive wordings that helped carry the rhythm along. I can see a lot of detail was put into it so A* for a job well done. I look forward to reading more great work from you. Thank you for sharing and keep writing.