Young Writers Society

Hey, Kajka!

Okay, so your classification of this extremely short poem was a bit wrong here. I wouldn't call this art, first of all, or any horror, unless there's something else behind it. Might want to change that.

This short poem spoke a lot to me, and I got the message well, despite the two lines. Good job!

Hey hey, don't mind if I weighed in here

I can't tell you how much the second line speaks to me...it's the personal pledge to go on even though your goals seem out of reach...but hope prevails because of persistence...persistence harbours possibilities....and that my friend, cradles hope...even if it's just a speck. Because the only guarantee of failure is to give up. HAHA well that's my interpretation of your mini masterpiece...

Yo! Firepower here, reviewing your extraordinarily short poem. The idea you manage to convey in such a short poem, and the fact that you can get anything across without any real space to work with, is pretty impressive.

I don't understand the title of the poem, to be honest. When I read the title and description, I thought I was in for something much longer. You never mention the elusive 'her' in the poem itself, but you do refer to her in the description.

Hey! I reviewed your last really short poem, so I figure, why not review this one too?

I find it interesting that you've got two of these two-line poems (and I'm assuming that you've probably written many more.) These little short poems are like a break through the clouds into a writer's mind. A very small break.

I must say, I'm not as much of a fan of this one as I am of the other one. It doesn't read quite... correctly. Maybe you're missing some punctuation or something at the end of the first line?

Like the other one, this one's title really brings it the extra oomph. Although this is rather cliched as it is, it would be even more so without the title. The title brings in the idea that there is someone else that this is touching on. It brings in an idea that is seemingly absent in the poem.

Like I said, this is kind of cliche. I don't know how to be more specific than that, because pretty much all of it is cliche. It's okay to use a cliche now and then, but when it make up your entire work, then the reader can't find much meaning in it. It's almost as if you're restating things the reader has always known.
I'm sure that there is a lot of emotion and feeling behind this, but I'm just not feeling it.

Great job, keep writing,
Cheers,
fortis

I agree with ferrumcorde it is very hard to review something so small yet the two lines that you had actually held alot of emotion and description which is actually quite impressive for only two lines but for future refeerance maybe you should write small poems like you want to do except make them the same poem so maybe you realese two lines every week so that each two lines has alot of emotion but its just one poem that keeps building up like a tv show 1 episode a week but its part of a series So do two lines a week for a poem finish up that poem after maybe 5 weeks then move onto a another poem on which you do 2 lines a week so the poems are series and the lines are episodes I think that would be a catching and impressive idea for some one who writes small poems such as yourself as it creative and original

I think this is missing some lines. It's really hard to review something so short because htere is barely anything to review. You seem to have gotten off to a good start though. I like your two lines. JUst add more. and uh yeah