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Young Writers Society



Unconditional Love

by CardinalSouth


Prompt: Write about a day within the past week. What happened? How did you react? The twist? It has to be in third person. (This is from my psychology class and is meant to help you become more aware of your inner motives, desires, etc.)

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        On Saturday afternoon, Cam was out with her friends at none other than Lamplight Theatre. (Lamplight Theatre was a small, nonprofit Christian theatre that would put on free, seasonal shows.) She had gone just the previous year for the Halloween special, and desperately wanted to take her family so that they could experience the love of Christ through production.

       She'd asked them before, but knew deep down that they would not make the trip. Religion was a touchy subject in her household for absolutely no reason at all, for everyone claimed to be a Christian already: her little brother, her mother, and even her father. Cam would often wonder if they were true Christians, for the sake of her loved ones. Ever since they moved, her family didn't get around to finding a new church for five years. On the sixth year, Cam's sixteenth year, the family began taking a new found interest. This was, of course, by request of the children. Nights would come and go, replaying the same heart-broken scenes. She hoped and prayed that her family was saved by Jesus, despite the awkwardness when she spoke the word of God.

       All of these thoughts were running through her head in the theatre on Saturday. The tears were stinging her eyes, and her throat began to burn as the actors confessed their love and apologies to Jesus Christ. The actors were merely students, more similar to Cam than she could have imagined possible. However, these particular students had suffered brutal deaths and had just passed the Final Judgement. She felt her face redden with all the emotions climaxing inside of her. She couldn't hold it in! But she had to.. Did she have to? She could hear others sniffling behind her, and it clicked. There was nothing wrong with letting it out.

       After all, it was absolutely beautiful. Someone who could fail so miserably on Earth could be saved and even loved by the Savior. Why was she always expecting herself to be perfect? Jesus was perfect... and surely, she was not Jesus. Yet she knew He loved her, despite her ignorance of her religion - the idea weighed her heart into her stomach. She knew a decent amount of biblical history as well as the basics...but it was on rare occasion that she actually felt the presence of the Holy Spirit within her. The feeling was an indescribable sensation that she could later sum up into a single adjective: overwhelming.

       Cam was overwhelmed with such emotion that it all came out. The tears began to stream down her face, and she could do nothing to stop it. As soon as it started, she stopped trying to fix it; after all, you cannot fix something that's no longer broken. She had been lying to herself all night, promising that she would not show any signs of a mental breakdown. As she saw the hope and compassion in the actor Jesus's eyes, she knew that she had been so wrong--There was nothing wrong with crying. 

       She did not care what anyone would think of her. In fact, the entire audience disappeared, leaving her with the play, love of Jesus, and God's voice on her soul. She held her stomach as Jesus picked the students off of their praying knees and embraced them into what Cam believed would be the best hug anyone could ever receive. It was all too perfect. Jesus's love was too perfect. God's love was too perfect. She was never going to be perfect...so why should she deserve their attention, let alone their almighty love?! The thought twisted her stomach, because she already knew the answer. That's the great thing about unconditional love- it serves as a drive, a motive, to be worthy of that love, to earn that love. Alas, she knew with a torn heart that she would just disappoint her mighty Lord and Savior. She was no great preacher who could inspire others to worship Him. She was no talented missionary who could teach others of His word. She was a simple high school student who spent all of her free time finishing homework, watching Netflix, or sleeping. Even she couldn't love herself, because she had not done anything meaningful. Her life to this point had been meaningless.

       The tears ran down her cheeks, but she didn't care that all of her mascara was now on her sleeves; at this moment, she realized that she was even more beautiful than before. She looked less like what the world expected - a composed, painted girl that fits into a niche in society - and more like what God had in mind: an unmasked and passionate follower of the Lord. She knew she had failed so many times within just the year since she was saved, yet God still spoke into her heart that very night. "I love you....I love you....I love you...." Over and over and over, Cam could feel the words suffocating were, but they her full nothing less than love and promises.

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A/N.........Hello! As you read at the top, this was a paper I wrote for my psychology class today, and I thought I'd share it with you guys! I don't want to offend anyone if they're not religious, but my spiritual life impacts everything I say and do every single day, including my writing! 

This weekend I was overcome with such emotion from witnessing what unconditional love actually means. It doesn't matter if you cut, you have suicidal thoughts, or don't know whether or not you're a Christian. GOD LOVES YOU!!! In the play, there were students who portrayed all of these and more and of course, as many of our writers do to their own characters here, were brutally killed in a massacre.  The characters then had to go to the gates and wait in agony to see if their names were in the Book of Life. Meanwhile, they would be crying out to God the normal pleads, thanks, and apologies. (ex. "God, please give me one more chance!", "I'm so sorry, God! I didn't mean it!", or the rare "Thank you, God!") --(Normally, the thanks will follow being accepted into Heaven. Only once did a character die a horrible, tragic death and still thanked the Lord for the life she was given. Beautiful.) Half of the characters would be accepted, and the other half, well, you know what happens...You can hopefully pick up on the ending through the actual writing, but I wanted to clear some things I didn't mention earlier! Thanks for taking the time to read all of this :) 


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Sun Oct 26, 2014 10:40 am
Rydia wrote a review...



Hello! I should probably say that my background is ex-Christian so I may not be the most qualified to review any of the spiritual content of this piece. I will, however, try to help you with the writing elements.

Specifics

1.

On Saturday afternoon, Cam was out with her friends at none other than Lamplight Theatre. (Lamplight Theatre was a small, nonprofit Christian theatre that would put on free, seasonal shows.)
I feel this isn't the best way to tell us about the venue as it pulls us out of the story and makes it feel like the narrator is speaking to us too directly. Perhaps something like: 'On Saturday afternoon, Cam was arriving at the Lamplight Theatre with a group of friends. She had attended for the Halloween special on the previous year and was very much looking forward to this year's rendition of the show.'

I think that gives enough information that your reader can follow without kicking them out of the story. It also combines this sentence with the next and allows you to introduce the scene more quickly so you can move on to the actual action. A snappy introduction is more likely to hold your reader's attention.

2.
Nights would come and go, replaying the same heart-broken scenes. She hoped and prayed that her family was were saved by Jesus, despite the awkwardness when she spoke the word of God.


3.
Over and over and over, Cam could feel the words suffocating were, but they her full nothing less than love and promises.
I think this should be 'suffocating her'?

Overall

I feel like this piece doesn't reach a full conclusion and I know that it's supposed to be reflective but it feels somewhat incomplete. I like your description of how you went from being concerned about your appearance and not crying in front of friends to just giving in to the emotions, but it would have been nice to see a round up at the end as well. Did your friends cry? Did you feel closer to them after this shared experience?

I also would have liked you to describe a scene or two of the play as it's difficult for the reader to fully understand your reactions when we have no understanding of what you're reacting to. The emotions and inward thoughts are really nicely described but I think a better awareness of the outward world and what's happening among her friends and more details of the play would really help.

Thanks for sharing!

Heather xx




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Thu Oct 23, 2014 1:47 am
ANADIR says...



Beautiful...
This is really good. I don't have anything to correct or review here. :D






Thank you :)



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Wed Oct 22, 2014 5:19 am
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fanoffiction wrote a review...



-breathes heavily-

Wow. I feel pretty touched by this.
Awesome job. Some typos, but meh, who cares.

Since this is for science, I wanted to share what this story showed me about myself.
It's tough being a teenage Christian in our society. And our generation doesn't help either, what with all the teen pregnancies and drugs.
My family is much like the one in the story. My family goes to church on Sunday and enthusiastically praises the Lord, but when hey get home, God isn't mentioned hardly ever. I have accepted God into my heart, but I'm not so sure I'll make it into heaven. It's this fear I have. And i'm not sure how irrational it is.

I need more of this.






I know exactly how you feel.. I will pray for you!
There was something someone said that night...If you're not sure what to do, challenge God. Tell him that you want Jesus in your life, but you don't know how to start! They said that He will be happy to answer...This was coming from a former alcoholic who has been sober since 2008!!! :)
I personally feel reluctant to talk to my parents about anything other than good grades and successes at school and such, because I don't want to disappoint them. Lately, I've been realizing that there isn't a greater success than full-heartedly following Jesus. Before, I would pray and acknowledge that I was unworthy of His love and thank Him and all that, but now I feel even closer to Him because I try to live by what He taught us. I had been trapped by the demon of suppression, and on Saturday, I prayed to God to help my overcome this obstacle. I'm not really afraid to talk about Him anymore...It's my own little miracle! I was crying the entire ride home, telling my mom everything that had happened. She didn't say much, but she was by no means judgmental. In fact, she was supportive! She encouraged me to tell my father the exact same thing, but that would be a little more challenging...I had never been comfortable talking to my dad about much of anything. The thought of it sent me back into tears and a deep hysteria.
However, I talked to him that night. My dad didn't say anything. At all. But he was nodding, and even paused his video game to listen! lol I let it all come out and he just asked me when the next show will be.
We all have obstacles that we must overcome. Lust, oppression, DEPRESSION (another one of my big ones), possession, and of course, submission. God never wanted us to go through any of these things. That handy work, dear friend, was thanks to the one and only Lucifer. Great, right? He wants to lead us into the dark and destroy our relationship with the Father! Hell was created for the Devil and his followers, NOT humans!
Anyway, I can really relate to you and I find it helps to go through troubling times with a friend. If you EVER need to talk, you can definitely ask me anything (:




oh to be a cat in a pile of towels
— ChesTacos