z

Young Writers Society


E - Everyone

What have we come to?

by Rurouni


There's just no scheme anymore

Poems are just broken up stanzas

They aren't poems, more like a chore

Just unneeded answers (to all your disasters)

____________________________________________

Where's all the poetry we know

There's just empty songs

Where's the poetry from long ago

All we write are just all wrongs

_____________________________________________

Where are the pictures

We painted with beautiful words

Just sayings of scriptures

Where are the singing birds

______________________________________________

Just useless rants

About our lover's voice

Poems about blue pants

And to think, you had a choice.

_______________________________________________

Poetry isn't random words

That you just wanted to throw out

Poems about geeky nerds

Or about that hidden scout


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28 Reviews


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Fri Oct 10, 2014 3:20 am
Theawesomefrance wrote a review...



I really like the message in this poem, I agree with you and on how other people mostly just write about what their love story or on what their jerky boyfriend did to them. Most poems doesn't talk about the outside world now. Nature is still alive, but how long will this type of poetry will live? Don't get me wrong. I write a lot of romantic poetry too, but I just wanted to see if there's anyone out there who aren't love drunk.

Furthermore, I love on how this poem is about a poem too. I like on how this poem is like talking about itself. I really like it! It's ironic and fantastic! Keep up the good work! You go writer! :D




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Wed Oct 01, 2014 4:30 pm
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Rydia wrote a review...



Hi! A few in-line comments for you first:


There's just no scheme anymore

Poems are just broken up stanzas

Try to avoid repeating 'just' and consider not using it at all. It's a very surplus word and makes the lines clunky. You've used it in the fourth line of this stanza as well - the rule really has to be once per stanza, if not once per poem ;)

Just unneeded answers (to all your disasters)

I'm not sure how this line fits in with the content. I was following you at first but what links a poem without form to unneeded answers? Many poems written with a rhyme scheme could fall under that definition as well.


The second stanza doesn't give us anything new so you could cut that. I also thing the song comparison is out of place; while songs and poems have their similarities, in this instance we're talking about un-formatted poetry and that's not like songs at all. It's closer to prose.

The third stanza also doesn't make a strong argument because some prose poetry paints a stronger picture. Losing the rhyme scheme allows the writer to be more free with their descriptions and metaphors. I think you need to approach this from a new angle so that your poem can tell us why rhyming poetry is better. Maybe because of the sounds it creates and how it helps children to interact with words? You should also add some strong imagery if you're going to point that out as a plus point of poetry!

Overall, I think this poem feels very forced in places and I'm not sure the rhyme is helping you. I think it would actually be more effective to write a poem about un-formatted poetry without a format or moving in and out of traditional and non-traditional poetry forms. This would help to give a comparison of the two media and help the reader to understand the points you're making.

Well good luck with this one! I'm not sure I agree with the idea, but if you smooth the rhymes out and tighten up the language, it has the potential to be a fun read.

Heather xx




Rurouni says...


Thanks, but the poem wasn't about non-rhyming poetry, it's about poetry that really ISN'T poetry at all.



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Wed Oct 01, 2014 3:25 am
HiImAndy wrote a review...



Let me start by saying I really liked this because it was good, it flowed nicely and after reading a second time made much more sense to me. Agreeing with Hassanfs the last two lines are a bit confusing the first time and your rhyming could use a little clean up but other than that it was good. I just have to say poetry is what you make it. I've always been taught that there are basically no rules when it comes to poetry because it's what you make. No matter what anyone says poetry comes from the author's heart and it doesn't matter what anyone says because it's your own. No matter the subject. Saying that, I don't really agree with your point behind the poem but I like the way you presented the idea. I didn't mean to offend you, so if I did I am so sorry. I did think your poem was good, so please keep that in mind.




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Tue Sep 30, 2014 2:20 pm
Hassanfs wrote a review...



I really loved the message you were conveying in this poem. I mostly agree on this. Some people just throw out random lines , assemble them in stanzas and call it poetry.

Now about this poem.
I liked the rhyming. It was more or less consistent, although it did falter at some points.
The flow was good.

I don't like the way you ended the poem. It was a bit confusing
I first thought you were saying poetry IS about geeky nerds and that "hidden scout".
Then I was like.." naah. How can that be".
Re-Reading it cleared it up.
But I'd suggest you to rewrite the last two lines.

Good job :)

Rating : 8/10


Hassan




Rurouni says...


Thanks!




"And what is the use of a book," thought Alice, "without pictures or conversations?"
— Lewis Carroll, Alice in Wonderland