A little background: In 1707, the United Kingdom was formed of England, Scotland and Wales (although it now includes Northern Ireland). There have been cultural rivalries and differences between Scotland and Wales for centuries. This poem was inspired by a television 4-parter called 'I Belong To Glasgow' during the lead-up to the Commonwealth Games in Glasgow which took place over the past fortnight.
Also, this is my very first poem so give me as much criticism as you like but please be delicate.
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I belong to Hamilton.
-
Kirkfieldbank and Hamilton,
Lanark, Coatbridge and Larkhall,
Motherwell and Rutherglen,
Biggar, Strathaven,
Cumbernauld.
With rolling fields and cosy cinemas,
We are Lanarkshire.
And we belong to Glasgow.
-
Greater Glasgow, Lanarkshire,
Dumfries and Galloway,
Lothian, Perthshire, Wigtonshire,
The Highlands,
Orkney.
With mountains, glens and bonnie, bonnie lochs,
We are Scotland.
And we belong to Britain.
-
Cumbria, Northumberland,
Lancashire and Cheshire,
Anglesey to Glamorgan,
Greater London,
Oxfordshire.
With peak districts standing guard of ancient universities,
You are England and Wales.
And you all belong to Britain.
-
Euston, Baker Street,
Wimbledon, Green Park,
Kensington, Warren Street,
Knightsbridge and Hyde Park,
Gloucester Road,
Trafalgar theatres,
The District line,
And the Montana Hotel,
Who gave me six days I will never forget,
You belong to London.
And now I belong to you.
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Heya, Scot! Casanova here to do a review for you! I'll be taking this section by section, so I hope you don't mind! To the review!
The first thing here is formatting. Use shift + enter to get rid of the extra whitespace here. Anyway, onward.
Firstly I feel no emotional attachment to these places. You're stating you belong to this place- so give us a sense of home. What you like about it, what you don't like about it. What makes you happy, what makes you sad. Things like that. You're just listing off places and I don't think that these places go anywhere besides the list- and it's something I would like to see redone. Play around with images and such, and put your emotions into it. I would like to see what becomes of it. Anyway, onward.
Here you add a bit more than just places. Good. Now use that and expand on them. Put your experiences into it, put your love or hate into it. What you feel about it, what you see. I want to see the snow covered trees in the mountains, I want to see the riverbeds and the frogs croaking. I want to feel the happiness of lying beside a river bank, looking up to a bright blue sky with puffy white clouds. I want to hear the crickets and the birds. Get what I mean? Try putting that into it. Anyway, onward.
Here, I want to smell the faint smell of old books, and see the life of school. People bustling from room to room, teachers sitting at old desks grading papers. Things like that. Onward.
I like the last three lines of this, so props for that.
Anyway, overall I feel like this was just listing random places in a country I don't know that well, and felt no real attachment to it whatsoever. I would suggest expanding on your images and playing around with them. I think that's all I have to say on this one, and I hope it helped. Keep on doing what you're doing, and keep on keeping on.
Your friend, Matt
Oh good lord I'd forgotten about this! 100% agree with everything you've said and if I ever did redraft this it would look very very different XD
Hiya, Bisc. Here to review~
So, for a first poem, this is pretty good. I feel like you've already got quite a style going on here. I like how you talked about place names as it gave it more of a personal feel. The layour is really cool, how you separated the stanza's in terms of areas, so overall, good job!
Although I did like the use of place names, I felt like it was more of a list. I think you should talk about how those places make you feel, because then it'll become more interesting. You've listed a lot of places here, so you probably don't wanna talk about all of them, but talk about the ones that are special to you, and WHY they are special to you.
Starting with the first stanza, Scotland is your home, so you can write more about why it is your home, and how home makes you feel. Without this, this poem is sort of like 'I belong to scotland, but I prefer london', so there should be more explanation. You can explain in any way you want, through metaphors, inside jokes maybe.
Then going onto the part about England, and London, what makes London so special, and why do you prefer it. Talk about maybe the sights, the london eye, big ben, or what the streets are like. Just how it makes you feel, does it feel like home? Does it feel warm inside every time in London? Why was it a six days you'll never forget?
So what I'm trying to say here, is more descriptions and imagery about the different places.
Overall, I really liked this! I think the last lines of each stanza are perfect, about Scotland belonging to Britain and you belonging to London etc etc. Now you just need to try and expand on your ideas. I hope this review helped, feel free to PM me with any questions or if you'd like another review on anything.
Keep writing,
~ArcticMonkey x
Thank you very much
It's not that I prefer London; it's more the idea that because Scotland is part of Britain I can belong to parts of Britain outwith Scotland. I will try to put in more description to get that across.
Oh, I understand! Still, fab poem
Thank you!
Hallo! Retro here!
First i'll do some nitpicky sort of things then talk about what I liked, okay?
'I belong to Hamilton.
-
Kirkfieldbank and Hamilton,'
I personally feel as though you repeated Hamilton too soon, so perhaps look for a different place.
Right my next bit is a sort of constructive criticism/personal opinions;
I like how you've listed places and how you're doing it but I feel as though I need more substance to what is being said. I'm going to take a few lines and suggest what I mean.
"Lancashire and Cheshire,
Anglesey to Glamorgan,
Greater London,
Oxfordshire."
See now you've got a list but you could do so much more with it for example. "From the cobbled and winding streets of Chesire to the hidden away trove of Anglesey, the blurring wirlwind grey of Greater London, ...." That is obviously not well done but do you see what I mean? I feel as though you need to give more to the reader about these places. I mean I only know Chesire and Anglesey because I live near there. I feel as though you're not telling your reader enough.
That being said I actually quite like the idea behind this piece. I like how you create the divide and then flip it around. I watched the commenwealth (against my will) and yeah there was a lot of scottish pride about, so this was an interesting take so well done. And to say you don't write poetry this really really isn't bad so kudos!
Here if you need me,
keep it up.
~Retro
Thank you so much. I will see what I can do
*plays bagpipes*
I like it! ^-^ I think it's wonderful, I love the ending lines.They made me smile; which I really needed! So thanks, also; those strange names like "Lothian, Perthshire, Wigtonshire," etc, are they cities? I think they might be but I'm not sure, well your spelling all seems to be correct. And I like the way it's written out, I've rather enjoyed reading this piece. I'm going to follow you lol, and I'm definitely liking this! Great job, also what's the Montana hotel like? ^o^ It sounds like it would be a nice place to stay. (I plan to visit friends in London) Well, I don't want to bother you to much; so thanks for reading this! You should write more poems. ^ - ^ I love it.
Ps. Have a wonderful day!
~Spacesoldier
The strange names are the names of counties is Scotland. In the same way that Hertfordshire is in England, Lanarkshire is in Scotland. But thank you so much! I have always been terrified of poetry but this has given me a huge confidence boost and I will definitely write more.
And the Montana hotel had quite nice rooms (a little warm but that may have been the weather) and lovely service.
Thanks so much! ^-^ And oh, thank you for telling me I had no clue.
OH; and please do write more, I would love to read as much as I can from you. (I'm a little addicted to poetry)
Cool. Late night poetry may well become a hobby of mine
It's a hobby of mine. In fact I write poetry all day, it's my passion. I've got notebooks filled and stacked up in my attic. Haha! ^_^
Haha cool!
Maybe I shall make it there one day
Haha