If beds could talk, what would they say?
They'd tell of prayers said every day,
and bedtime stories told at night,
by loving parents, what a sight!
The mattress springs of moon-lit beams
would tell a tale of thrashing dreams.
The teddy bear has always said
there is a monster 'neath the bed.
The sheets will sigh of little nooks
they covered while we all read books.
But of a night of tears and wails--
the pillows are not tattle tales.
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137,724 Literary Works • 672,065 Reviews
First of all this poem is amazing. I really like how your opening line pulls the reader in. I like how you used a lot of detail in explaining each part of the bed. I also like how you phrase things in a way so they sound so amazing and so they just flow. If I could give any advise on making it better I would say so maybe add how they feel when the person gets out of bed in the morning. In all though I think that your writing is amazing and that you should keep it up.
If beds could talk, what would they say?
Tell tales of sleepless teens at play.
And elders too, and all between.
In honest truth -
Them beds would scream.
Damn!
This s*** is obscene.
O.O
Loved it! Such a pretty, innocent definition poem. I was suspicious of the poems content when I read the title I must admit, I'm not sure the title really fits if I'm honest. The poem is written through your point of view, your perception of a bed and what it means and what it is at it's core, this makes it a definition poem in its own right, but it's defined by you. I think the title suggests that the bed is speaking for itself which I found a little misleading.
I loved your consistent rhyming scheme, although I found it slightly forced in places. For example "there is a monster 'neath the bed" this felt a little unnatural.
Other than those little things, I loved this! Really cute poem. I hope you continue to write because I think you're very talented!
This is so awesome. I would like to make a parody song for this based on "If I were a boy." xD
Hello, fortis! Unknown391625 here with another review!
Ok so, this is a very interesting and different poem. Some of you sentences are bit flat, which means you need to make them sound a little better. Especially for the last line. I think it needs more to it. It sounds like a sentence that would belong in the middle of the poem. Also, mattress was spelled incorrectly. It is spelled with two t's and not one. Overall, this is an interesting, small, and simple poem! You categorized the genres and the story perfectly. Same with the rating. Good job! I will look for more of your poems. Don't give up and always write, fortis!
-Unknown391625
Hi, I'm Howl.
This was a really good poem, though I don't really get the part "The matress springs of moon-lit beams". Could you explain the moon-lit beams part to me? Also matress is actually spelled with two t's; mattress. The rest of the poem was really good. Can't wait to see more of your work.