Dear Daddy,
It has been so long since I last saw you! Everyone misses you! I miss you more then I have ever missed anyone in my life. I will be turning seven tomorrow. Mummy said that you would love to be here but you can’t. Why can’t you come home, Daddy? Johno misses you but Mummy said that when he turns 18 next month that he’s going to go away too. Where do you go? Where are you Daddy? What are you doing? I asked Mummy for some new leather shoes for my birthday, but she said that there aren’t many leather shoes around anymore. She also said that she’s having trouble finding sugar to make my birthday cake. But she’s trying. Are you going to send me a present Daddy? Well, Mummy says its time to go to bed. I love you so much Daddy! Please come home soon. Night Night.
Lots of kisses, lots of cuddles
Lily-Rose
Dear Lily-Rose,
I miss you lots too, sweetheart. I wish dearly that I could have been there for your big day, seven years old; you are growing up so fast. I have explained why I can’t come home. I have work to do, I would love, love to come home and see you and Mum and John but I have work to do here. When I'm done I will come home. I am in Germany at the moment, if you ask Mum she might show you on the map. Yes I have talked to Mum about that but there isn't any leather to make shoes any more.
What did you get for your birthday? Did Mum find some sugar for your cake? What kind did you have? I would love to send you a present, sweetheart, but there isn’t any where to buy one where I’m working at the moment, maybe later.
I love you so much! Be good for Mum and do as you’re told at school. Tell Mum and John I love them dearly and give them both hugs and kisses from me. No crying and I will be home before you know it.
Lots of kisses and cuddles for everyone
Love Dad
Dear Daddy,
I will try not to cry, but it is hard. The other kids at school say that everyone’s Daddies have gone to war. You haven’t gone to war have you Daddy? Daddy, what’s war? I asked Mummy if that was where you had gone and she started to cry and Grandma told me not to ask questions. Is that where you are? Johno got a new job yesterday. He said it was with the people you work for and that soon he would be leaving to go to Germany too. Does that mean that he is going to war too, Daddy? Mark from school said that his big brother died at war. Johno’s not going to die is he, Daddy? Johno can’t die, Daddy, cause then it would be just be me and Mummy and you. When are you coming home? It has been a year since you went away. Some times I forget what you look like. Mummy let me have the family photo to put next to my bed so that I will never forget your face. Mummy cried a lot when Johno told her about his job. Why? She told me to go play outside. So I did, I sat under the window. I could hear Johno yelling at Mummy, I stood up and told him to stop but he yelled at me to go away. So I ran to the bottom of the garden and hid under my bush. I thought he’d come and say sorry, like he always does, but he didn’t. I waited till it was nearly dark but he didn’t come. He didn’t come, Daddy, and when I went inside Grandma told me to go to my bedroom. But I sneaked into Johno’s room and he wasn’t in there and some of his stuff was gone. Then, as I went past your room I could hear Mummy crying. Why was she crying? WHAT IS WAR? Why won’t anyone give me a proper answer? I asked the teacher and she said that war is somewhere that men go sometimes to fight for something they believe in. Why? I have to go to sleep now, Daddy.
Love you round the world and back,
Lily-Rose
Dear Lily-Rose
Oh Lily, why must you ask so many questions? Yes, I am at war, as will John be soon. War is what your teacher said. No, John is not going to die and nor shall I. As I tell you nearly every letter I will be home when I can. How are your mother and Grandma? I hope you are all well. I am fine. Some more sleep would be nice but I get what I can. How is school? What sweets do you get with your ration card? Have you heard from John since he left? Tell everyone I love them dearly and I miss them all greatly.
I must get back to work now, sweetheart,
Love Daddy
Dear Daddy,
Daddy it was so scary. There were lights all over the city. Mummy said that they were fires and we must go to the cubby house out the back. It was so loud, like fireworks, only 10 times louder. The glass in all the windows broke and Mummy was screaming. I looked out the cubby once and the Johnston’s house was burning, like when the bakers shop burnt down but with much more flame. It lasted all night. We just sat there with our hands over our ears. That was on Tuesday but it happened again on Wednesday and Thursday and now it’s Friday morning. Daddy why is the cubby house Johno built me underground? Are there fires in Germany too?
We haven't heard from Johno in nearly 4 months, have you? I get hundreds and thousands with my ration card that way you lots for only one stamp.
Lots of love Lily-Rose
Dear Lily-Rose,
I hope you are all safe from the fires. The cubby is underground to keep you safe from the fires. Yes we have fires in Germany too. How is everyone? Have you been doing your school work? I had a letter from the people I work for today and I have some good news at last, I am to come home at the end of the month and will be home with you and mother before Christmas. Is that not great news? We shall see each other again after nearly 3 years apart.
Keep safe my darling, I love you more then pen and paper can tell,
Daddy
Daddy,
I got your letter this afternoon after school, when I showed it to Grandma she said I should run over the hospital to show Mummy. So I ran as fast as I could to show her, she is so happy to hear that you are coming home and will be back in time for Christmas. Do you know what she did when I showed her Daddy? She picked me up and spun me around until we were both laughing, it’s been a long time since Mummy laughed like that, it was nice. I can not wait to see you and know that you will not get this letter until it is nearly time for you to leave Germany but I just wanted you to know that we can not wait to see you.
In answer to your other questions, yes I am doing my school work. Everyone is well, much better for hearing your news. The fires have been getting worse since my last letter, but the cubby is keeping us safe.
I can not wait to see you. I love you more than I love cake (and you know how much that is!),
Love Lily-Rose
Dear Lily-Rose,
As I write I am sitting at the station waiting to board a train that will bring me ever closer to you and Mum. I received your last letter just two hours before I was due to leave my unit. I am very glad to hear your mother is laughing again, did you know it is one of the reasons I married her. I must go soon as I have to send this before I embark on the train so that it may hopefully get to you before I do. I do not even really know why I am writing it when I will see you soon and probably before this gets to you anyway. I have nothing new to tell you that can not wait until I have you in my arms.
I love you more the closer I get,
Daddy
Dearest Daddy,
It has been over two months since I got you letter saying you would be home in a month. You missed Christmas though there was a present from you under the tree. Where are you? When are you coming home? Mummy got a letter last week that made her so sad and she has cried everyday since she opened it. I asked her what it said that made her so sad and she said that the letter said that you wouldn’t be coming home. That the ship you were on the way home sunk with all souls lost. But I know its not true, I know your not dead because you said you were coming home to me, you said you’d come home, so you have to, Daddy, PLEASE come home soon I need you and Mummy needs you even more.
Please come home soon.
Lots of love Lily-Rose
Dearest Daddy,
Today Mummy and Grandma took me to the grave yard where Granddad was buried, they put a stone on top of his grave, it had writing on it. It said, This stone is placed here in the memory of one Harry Far. Loving husband to Jessica Far and the finest father Lily-Rose and John Far could every ask for. Harry Far died on the 23rd day of December 1944 when the ship he was travelling on went down with all hands. He will be sorely missed by those who must go on and grow up without him.
Why did you lie, Daddy? Why did you say you were coming home when your not? Your never coming home, are you? Mummy says you had to go because God needed you for a special task but I don’t care what god needs, I need you more, Mummy needs you more. You can’t just go away and leave a gigantic hole. You need to come home and fix it. I need you to come home, please Daddy come home so it can be the same as before you went away.
I still need you.
Your loving daughter Lily-Rose
Daddy,
This is the last letter I will write to you. Johno has come home after 2 years, he is not the same person that he was before he went away though. He is very quite now and will let me sit on his lap for as long as I want, where as before I could not even get on it. Mummy has not changed at all since I last wrote, she cries most days and doesn’t go out much. Johno says it's depression and that there is nothing much we can do to help her get better, that it’s something she needs to want to work out. Daddy, what does depression mean?
Johno has told me a little about what he did and saw while he was away, but mostly he just tells me it’s not something for a ten year old to hear about. Mostly we just talk about you. I told him how I don’t think you’re really dead because you said you were coming home and you don’t lie, but he just looked at me sadly and hugged me closer. He told me that you could never come home to us but that you are waiting for me at the gates of heaven so that in many years, when I'm really old and I walk though the gates for myself you will be there waiting to embrace me and tell me how much I’ve grown, just like you did everyday when you got home from work before you went away to war.
You will always be in my heart and I wait for that day when I can once again embrace you.
Lily-Rose Far
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139,276 Literary Works • 672,524 Reviews
Beautifully written! I loved this, and Happy Review Day!
First, I'm just telling you numbers are usually written out in books. Therefore, "7" should be "seven".
"I will be turning 7 tomorrow."
The same thing shows up here later. I think you might want to fix it. This is just a suggestion, so you might not want to take it. But I swear I think this is helpful and will make your work just a bit smoother. You also need a comma after "you".
"Johno misses you but Mummy said that when he turns 18 next month that he’s going to go away too."
I have pasted two sentences right here before you. In these sentences are slight nitpicks, very slight. I might want you to fix them, but again, this is truly optional. In the first sentence, you have to avoid repetition of "I have work to do". In the second sentence, you need a comma after "Yes" and "that".
"I have work to do, I would love, love to come home and see you and Mum and John but I have work to do here."
"Yes I have talked to Mum about that but there isn't any leather to make shoes anymore."
I think a few little nitpicks occurred afterwards, but they were minor. So yeah. I think the ending was so sad, it made me cry like a little baby. I know I already made a review on this but you don't seem to be really taking notice of it, so I decided to post another.
-wisegirl22
I must say I love when people write things like these. I mean you know that something like this actually probably happend to a little girl somewhere. It is very emotional. You did a great job with the ration card and leather and all the other things that there would not had been much of during world war 2. I must say I really enjoyed reading these letters. They were a look into the relationship of a 7 year old girl who doesn't understand the world around her and a father who would have liked nothing more than to return to his family and live out his days in peace rather than die for a war that he wasn't even the cause of. I think you did a wonderful job and I must say that I did actually tear up a little bit toward the end. You defentily know how to tug at the heart. I hope that you will keep writing things like these because stories like these don't need to be forgotten. They deserve to be remembered up until the very last days of humankind. Thank you for writing this and keep up the good work.
Hey, Looney!
Welcome to YWS. I hope the site is treating you well.
So, coming to your story I would like to say I really liked it. Lets between father and daughter are not a new concept, neither is a story based on World War 2, but I still loved the story. though I personally believe that you could have done a lot better at this.
first of all, I'd like to say that the narration of Lily seemed more mature than it should have been. You should keep this in mind that a young girl doesn't have the vocabulary or the intellect to form complete sentences, let alone with the heavy words. So, you need to narrate her story differently. I shouldn't know she's a seven year old because you mentioned it but also because I 'felt' it. Make her voice sound like a seven year old's. Besides as you show her growing up, show a gradual maturity sinking in her narrative.
But I really think you did an excellent job with the inquisitiveness you showed on her part. the questions she raises are apt and make the story seem more interesting. So, good job with that.
Also, I'd like to point out that your punctuation needs bit of work. For example, when you address a person directly you use a comma to differentiate between their name and the remaining part of the sentence. for example:
"Mary, please go home now."
Also, you need to divide your sentences properly. You get carried away with long sentences, without taking the required pauses. So, just re-construct some of the sentences and you would be good to go.
Since it's a short story, I don't have much to add to my review. I like the story, it ended smoothly, without me getting bored or something. My only hitch was the narrator not sounding her age. But I think you can make that better.
All the best with your future endeavors. Keep me updated. Hope this helps.
~Mia
Hello Looney, Wolf here for a review!
So I see that you are fairly new to this site, and I welcome you with open arms! You've come at quite a hectic time, but on to the review!~
As you've probably already seen, I did like you work very much and I thought it quite unique. I've heard of some works being like this, with two characters writing back and forth, but I still saw it very well executed and not like something I've seen before.
I can imagine how difficult it would be to write a narration like this without actual narration, because of course you are trying to fit all this information into a letter. You do a fabulous job of writing this out so that we gain information without us being told. That's the power of show not tell. I especially like how you are able to tell us this is kind of at the time of WWII with just the events and places of what's going on. I mean, I can even get an idea of where this little girl lives from this!
One thing I do want to criticize is the little girl's age. I mean, by the time she's written the last letter, she seems like she's thirteen, fourteen, somewhere in between there, by the way she writes. I like that change, showing her growing up from seven to ten, but I feel like she's much more mature than her age implies. Her being so naive is so adorable, and a very valuable asset to this piece, so try to keep her words in the last few letters like her age.
Sorry I do not have much to critique on, because I love your style of writing and the way you preformed this. I cannot wait to see more from you! Happy Review Day and Keep Writing,
~Wolfare
Glad you like it
Beautifully written! I loved this, and Happy Review Day!
First, I'm just telling you numbers are usually written out in books. Therefore, "7" should be "seven".
"I will be turning 7 tomorrow."
I'm sure this will help you. To avoid strange questions, put a comma before the last word.
"Why can’t you come home, Daddy?"
Like that. This appears not far later.
Also, "any where" can become "anywhere".
"but there isn’t any where"
Here, the apostrophe for "Daddy's" is not necessary.
"everyone’s Daddy’s"
Okay, to avoid any further annoying reviews, please switch these two sentences. The second one isn't relevant where it is.
"I asked Mummy if that was where you had gone and she started to cry and Grandma told me not to ask questions. Is that where you are?"
Here, another comma is placed after "daddy". And also, an apostrophe is needed before "cause".
"Johno can’t die, Daddy cause then"
And also, there is a typo. "Hind" is supposed to be "hid".
"and hind under my bush."
Here, two commas are needed. After "come" and "Daddy".
"He didn’t come Daddy and"
Here, "that" and "not" should be switched.
"Is not that great news?"
Okay. I was about to cry. I loved this! It was so emotional at the end. I advise you to proofread your work and carefully. With all due respects.
-wisegirl22
Okay, thanks for the kind words. It's nice to know my work can nearly make someone cry
. I have fixed the grammar errors and typos. Some of the other things that you commented on are done that way on purpose, you must remember that have the letters are written by a 7 - 10 year old.
Oh, and, in your reply "that have" doesn't make sense.
okay, but you wrote the whole thing worse on purpose? Not nice to reviews.
I can see you are a lovely person. Have you ever thought that maybe there is a reason that some of my words are mixed up? So, why don't you dismount from your high horse and stop being obnoxious.
Okay...
Okay, so owww my heart just burst into a million pieces! These letters are so beautifully written that they tug at your heart strings. A few things I would like to address though
First, "she needs to want to get work out." I was very confused by this phrase from the last letter. My suggestion would be to rephrase it, perhaps "she needs to want it to work out" I think there were a few other places that were a bit confusing but I can't find them anymore. Overall very very good, keep it up!
Sorry, I think that's a typing error. Thank you for the kind words.