Hmm, title ideas:
Devil's Rain
Alabama Showers
Clockwork Tears
God's Tears
Etc.
in the style of robert gray
.
god the pacifist cries often
during summer afternoons
my mother the racist gets the two o'clock
blues like clockwork, like the rain
.
they say the people of alabama
can feel it
an hour before it arrives
can see it a hundred miles off
the anticipation so humid
and heavy that the air
is like a dishrag
.
the devil is white
and sometimes he tries to wring out my skin
so that it will forget
its history
I think if you want to go for an attention grabber "the devil is white" could be an option. You could also go with "history" or "summer afternoons" or "shameless" I dunno where that last one came from but I'm not sure how else to describe it in a title. I love it though! So much I can't review it, I'm not familiar with this type of poetry so I'd be no help. It's great though!
<3,
Skydreamer
RoyalHighness has arrived to review!
Enjambment combined with lack of capitalization makes for a very subtle yet profound impact on readers.
I have no criticisms because there is none to give. This poem is powerful and simple at the same time and I am in awe of how you were able to do that.
I don't know what rain has to do with racism but I like the connection you made between the two.
My favorite lines:
my mother the racist gets the two o'clock
blues like clockwork, like the rain
Normally, I don't like everything being lowercase, but this poem doesn't look so bad after looking at it, but I would uppercase names of people and places like "alabama." There is another thing I want to point out.
"god, the pacifist, cries often"
"my mother, the racist, gets the two o'clock"
Those are it as far I'm concerned. This is still good.
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