Young Writers Society

Hello! KatyaElefant here for her last review of the day! I'm too busy for life so I'm going to stop here! Oh and Happy Review Day! Let's see what you and your sister have come up with...

Just some minor stuff that can be easily fixed! So the first poem, I feel should be broken up into two stanzas. That would sure help that part! You could always use more punctuation in a poem. I feel like if you put it in here, then you will make the poem flow much more better. That's all I have to say that you could or should change. Not that much!

I love how these two poems contrast each other. It's nighttime and then it's morning. I love how you chose that. They are both so sweet poems.(makes me want to nom on them) *noms on poems* The lines are so pretty in both of them. The spelling and grammar is amazing. If your sister is in fifth grade or younger, then she is doing much better in writing than I did when I was a younging like her! Your organization of phrases is great. They flow right in to one another. Great job with all of this! Your sister should be proud of herself! I was never able to make such amazing poems when I was younger. *I probably still can't do this now* Have a nice review day! Keep calm and keep writing!

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I thought these were really great for a start. I only have a couple of suggestions,all minor.
There isn't any punctuation in either poem making them read as one long never ending sentence. If the lack of punctuation is a style in which your sister favours that's fine but I do think adding a period at the very end of the poem at least would heighten it's impact.
Also, how about amalgamating the two into one in the form of a sonnet or something? It might be nice if you feature the transition from morning to night time in one poem. Just a thought. Tell your sister she is really great though and should keep writing and get an account on here!

Nighttime was my favorite out of the two. The imagery and the personification made the poem feel so alive. Morning was nice too, but personally I prefer Nighttime. One of the things I noticed was that the poems lacked end punctuation (which isn't needed). For example, the first line should have a period at the end of it, telling us that is one complete thought. Other than that, this was really well done. Make sure to tell your sister to keep on writing, and maybe even convince her to make herself an account. She is really good, and I bet she learned from you!

These are awesome! Your sister is great!

Hi! Kolton here for a quick review.
Your sister is actually really good! Why is she not on Young Writers? XD

Moving on. I do find this particular sentence rather awkward;
"Night has come into play"
She may want to tweak that a little bit, the 'into play' just doesn't sound right. Maybe 'to play' would be better?
The Morning one is really beautifully descripted, though I do think she's overused 'morning'. Maybe she can change that up a bit too? Oh maybe that's really what she was aiming to do, but compared with the 'Nighttime' poem it doesn't really sink in for me.
Anyway, hope you found some interest in this atrocious review, honestly, I apologise if this makes no sense. Tell your little sister to join! Great work.

- Kolton

I agree with Audy, Writer, your sister's great at this.

Hey Writer13!

You should let your sister join up here We'd love to have her. So really quickly, I'm just going to dive right in.

For Nighttime, I love the play of some of these nouns and their verbs/descriptors. For example, in the first line, "mess of oranges" made me think of a literal mess of fruity oranges, so the image I get is something like a bunch of spilled fruitjuice up at the sky which is...kind of gorgeous. I would recommend leaving out "blue" in the first line. The word sky itself already implies the blue. The next line, I like the way she says "evening is put away" almost like someone picks it up and packs it up inside a box or a pantry or something. To other lines: the sun sinking, the moon/stars glowing are pretty commonly used, so they didn't surprise me nearly as much as the first two.

It's interesting because in "Nighttime", I LOVED when she used interesting/uncommon verbs and pair them up with these nouns to build the description. However, with Morning, I feel the opposite. How does a glassy surface blink? Swaying and waving are practically synonyms, so it's almost like line 2 says the same thing in two different ways. I really love the detail of the fish jumping up out of the river, it really adds life to these images. And I've got to say that my biggest takeaway from both poems is the attention to detail and the way that images are created within these lines. I would suggest to take it a step further! Add more sensory detail, so not just sight and movement, but perhaps smell, taste, sound, and feeling.

Hopes this helps!

~ Audy

Awesome poems indeed This isn't much of a review, since I only have one nitpick:

The blue sky is now a mess of oranges, pinks, and deep passionate reds

The evening is being put away and will be taken out for tomorrow

The sun starts to sink down

The moon and stars awake

These are pretty good poems. I wonder how old she is because I hope I can give her some advice. The majority of the lines are sentences. I'd say if she wants to create rhythm, make those sentences into beautiful, short phrases. It takes time to create those because the language used in professional poetry is usually written by the older poets. I'd say that more practice should make her a better poet than before. Don't take this as offense. Your sister has talent that has yet to mature.

Yes, I figured. She's off to a wonderful start.

These are beautiful!!! Your little sister will certainly become a wonderful writer like yourself if she keeps up her hard work! Tell her she did a great job for me!
P.S. I'm listening to S&G as I write this. Just had to tell you.

When I read this I felt like I was missing something. Maybe I just don't understand. Maybe I just didn't pay enough attention to details or subtle hints. Maybe I need to learn to read between the lines. Personally, I couldn't find much meaning in this. In my opinion, poetry should never just be a group of words to represent calm or beauty. Even if so, it should mean more than what is in the direct text. Of course, at a certain age it can be difficult to do, but at the same time the earlier the start the better. So, although possibly excusable because of age, this is always something to work on.